[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

[Joshua Lester]

What skills?
How do you get from place to place?
I live in a small town, that doesn't have public transportation, and I
need to get from point A, to point B.
Also, another stumbling block, when it comes to dating a blind person,
is my allergies.
If the person I'm dating has a guide dog, it would have to go, because
I'm allergic to dogs.
Blessings, Joshua

On 5/26/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
> Wouldn't it be easier, and less limiting in terms of who can be a potential
> partner, to try to learn these skills? I was a bit worried about this as
> well when I started a relationship with a blind person, but five years in,
> no one *has* to drive us anywhere. It was just a matter of learning the
> skills and practicing, and actually, being together helped us a lot with
> that. We always had someone to lean on for support and encouragement, and to
> "compare notes" with when we were trying to figure out a new skill. We still
> have a lot to learn, but no more than any college student living on their
> own for the first time. Just saying that sometimes a blind partner can be
> really good in terms of offering support and helping you become independent.
> My boyfriend knew a lot more than I did about travel, computers, and so on
> in the beginning, and has showed me a lot, and now I help him with things
> like learning to cook and such.
>
> On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:38 AM, Joshua Lester <
> jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
>
>> Yes.
>> I want my wife, to be able to drive me from place to place, so my
>> parents don't have to have that burden.
>> That's the point!
>> You win the million dollar prize!
>> Blessings, Joshua
>>
>> On 5/26/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>> > I'm not sure I understand how this would create a "double burden" on
>> > your
>> > family either. If she is an independent traveler, or independent in
>> > other
>> > ways as well, why should she create any burden? Why would this hinder
>> your
>> > independence unless you're looking for a partner who could drive you
>> around
>> > and such so your parents don't have to (and I don't think you are! I'm
>> just
>> > saying, I don't understand your point.)
>> >
>> > On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:25 AM, Hope Paulos <hope.paulos at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>> >
>> >> First of all, I don't understand, Joshua, how you believe dating a
>> >> blind
>> >> person would double your dependence while traveling? I'm a compitent
>> >> traveler and a totally blind one at that. I am a musician as well. To
>> >> be
>> >> honest, I don't care whether or not my boyfriend is sighted or blind.
>> It's
>> >> who he is that counts, not his disability or lack thereof.
>> >> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com>
>> >> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" <
>> >> nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> >> Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:13 AM
>> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>  So you pick your life-partner on the basis of convenience?
>> >>>
>> >>> Mike Freeman
>> >>> sent from my iPhone
>> >>>
>> >>>
>> >>> On May 25, 2011, at 21:58, Joshua Lester <
>> jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu>
>> >>> wrote:
>> >>>
>> >>>  That's exactly the problem!
>> >>>> Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
>> >>>> My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although I was
>> >>>> trained at LWSB.
>> >>>> It's crazy!
>> >>>> I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't cooperate.
>> >>>> Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
>> >>>> I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
>> >>>> dependence, when it comes to traveling.
>> >>>> I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
>> >>>> I like to travel to churches.
>> >>>> It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person, than a
>> >>>> blind
>> >>>> one.
>> >>>> Remember, I'm totally blind.
>> >>>> Blessings, Joshua
>> >>>>
>> >>>> On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
>> >>>>
>> >>>>> I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is
>> totally
>> >>>>> blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell you
>> from
>> >>>>> my
>> >>>>> own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or had
>> >>>>> a
>> >>>>> very
>> >>>>> positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't weigh
>> in
>> >>>>> much
>> >>>>> when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time that
>> >>>>> people
>> >>>>> with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because I'd
>> >>>>> known
>> >>>>> several totally blind individuals in school who didn't demonstrate
>> that
>> >>>>> they
>> >>>>> had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not
>> >>>>> their
>> >>>>> fault,
>> >>>>> mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions and
>> >>>>> teacher
>> >>>>> misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's
>> another
>> >>>>> topic
>> >>>>> entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once we
>> >>>>> had
>> >>>>> talked
>> >>>>> a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as my
>> own
>> >>>>> blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and spend
>> time
>> >>>>> with
>> >>>>> him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person could do,
>> >>>>> one
>> >>>>> way
>> >>>>> or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter) was
>> only
>> >>>>> a
>> >>>>> characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he
>> >>>>> approached
>> >>>>> blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for 5
>> years
>> >>>>> now,
>> >>>>> and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have
>> >>>>> some
>> >>>>> degree
>> >>>>> of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found "the
>> >>>>> one".
>> >>>>>
>> >>>>> On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a
>> >>>>> completely
>> >>>>> sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person, I
>> might
>> >>>>> as
>> >>>>> well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well, and I
>> >>>>> really
>> >>>>> think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was to
>> her.
>> >>>>> I
>> >>>>> felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to pick
>> me
>> >>>>> up or
>> >>>>> I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere
>> (which
>> >>>>> often
>> >>>>> resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and tired
>> from
>> >>>>> travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was
>> >>>>> available,
>> >>>>> she
>> >>>>> would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as
>> >>>>> well.
>> >>>>> She,
>> >>>>> apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better about
>> >>>>> it
>> >>>>> when I
>> >>>>> observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well. It
>> >>>>> was
>> >>>>> just
>> >>>>> in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to do
>> >>>>> with
>> >>>>> my
>> >>>>> vision.  Her and I are still really good friends, and she is
>> currently
>> >>>>> in a
>> >>>>> long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly
>> blindness
>> >>>>> was
>> >>>>> not a turn-off to her.
>> >>>>>
>> >>>>> Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will be a
>> >>>>> big
>> >>>>> thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals, any
>> >>>>> significant
>> >>>>> others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider us as
>> >>>>> such.
>> >>>>>
>> >>>>> Best,
>> >>>>>
>> >>>>> -Jamie
>> >>>>>
>> >>>>> On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
>> >>>>> <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
>> >>>>>
>> >>>>>  Homberto,
>> >>>>>> I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
>> >>>>>> Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand,
>> after
>> >>>>>> a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
>> >>>>>> achieve on whatever level we choose to.  It's never a good idea to
>> >>>>>> date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
>> >>>>>> anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather than
>> >>>>>> a
>> >>>>>> handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
>> >>>>>> I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
>> >>>>>> blind person or a sighted person.  First impressions count for a
>> lot,
>> >>>>>> after all and although not every sighted person will blow you off
>> >>>>>> if
>> >>>>>> you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will.  But I
>> >>>>>> think most blind people would, too.
>> >>>>>> So pretty much date whoever you want.  If they're blind, that's
>> >>>>>> fine.  If they're sighted, that's fine too.  The important thing is
>> >>>>>> that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and
>> >>>>>> have
>> >>>>>> the skills to make a committed relationship work.  If the person
>> >>>>>> you
>> >>>>>> date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both have
>> the
>> >>>>>> right training to manage things), more power to you.  If the person
>> >>>>>> you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each
>> other,
>> >>>>>> more power to you.  If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
>> >>>>>> shouldn't change anything.
>> >>>>>> Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my friends
>> >>>>>> are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term
>> relationship,
>> >>>>>> odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl.  Not because
>> >>>>>> sighted
>> >>>>>> people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
>> >>>>>> sighted.  But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a
>> >>>>>> blind
>> >>>>>> girl if she happened to be the right one.  Either way, you can be
>> >>>>>> happy.
>> >>>>>> Take care,
>> >>>>>> Kirt
>> >>>>>>
>> >>>>>> On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>
>> >>>>>> wrote:
>> >>>>>>
>> >>>>>>> Humberto,
>> >>>>>>> If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you
>> >>>>>>> can
>> >>>>>>> do
>> >>>>>>> things for yourself then either partner will work.  If someone is
>> >>>>>>>
>> >>>>>> attracted
>> >>>>>>
>> >>>>>>> to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with
>> >>>>>>> what
>> >>>>>>> feels
>> >>>>>>> right.
>> >>>>>>> Ashley
>> >>>>>>>
>> >>>>>>>
>> >>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>> >>>>>>> From: Humberto
>> >>>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
>> >>>>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> >>>>>>> Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> >>>>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
>> >>>>>>>
>> >>>>>>> Hello dear listers,
>> >>>>>>>
>> >>>>>>> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
>> >>>>>>> on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion
>> >>>>>>> has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would be
>> >>>>>>> good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
>> >>>>>>> concerned.
>> >>>>>>> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
>> >>>>>>> with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
>> >>>>>>> differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
>> >>>>>>> Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind person?
>> >>>>>>> If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
>> >>>>>>> with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have? How
>> >>>>>>> can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
>> >>>>>>> blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
>> >>>>>>> everything else that a sighted person can do.
>> >>>>>>> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as
>> >>>>>>> much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've
>> >>>>>>> been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
>> >>>>>>> touch.
>> >>>>>>> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
>> >>>>>>> sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
>> >>>>>>> characteristic? Will she understand that?
>> >>>>>>> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just
>> >>>>>>> want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if
>> >>>>>>> I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
>> >>>>>>> blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
>> >>>>>>> and having high expectations.
>> >>>>>>> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
>> >>>>>>> person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind person,
>> >>>>>>> versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
>> >>>>>>> gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
>> >>>>>>> experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
>> >>>>>>> sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
>> >>>>>>> but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
>> >>>>>>> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first
>> >>>>>>> look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
>> >>>>>>> with one or not.
>> >>>>>>> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>> >>>>>>>
>> >>>>>>> Cheers,  Humberto
>> >>>>>>>
>> >>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>> >>>>>>>
>> >>>>>>>
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