[nabs-l] having a hard time fitting in at church

Wed Sep 19 23:36:57 UTC 2012

Hello Andrew,
The issue that you are experiencing, with regard to being included in a 
social group of young people who don't know you, is the same that blind 
people experience everywhere. The difference here is that, because you're 
going to church, your expectations are different.

Tyler seems to be expressing the same different expectation. For some 
reason, both of you seem to be expecting that, just because these people go 
to church, they will somehow not have the same stereotypes, strange ideas 
and hesitations as the people you meet at college, the store or on the bus. 
Whether or not they believe in God and go to church, or they meet at the 
local surf club or roller-skating rink, young people are usually cliquey and 
not good at including blind people.

They don't know you and they don't receive the same eye-contact, smiles etc. 
that they do when making friends with a new sighted person so, they don't 
know what to do. Like most people, they take the easy way out and do 
nothing. If you want this to change, you will need to be proactive. 
Depending on the size of your church and the consequent size of the youth 
group, or group for young adults, your strategies will vary.

Before I go on, let me tell you my story. I've been going to churches for 
over 30 years and I've attended all sorts of churches in both Australia and 
America. In every church, when the offering plate and the communion trays 
are passed, the ushers have passed me by and given them to the person next 
to me. this is because I don't see them holding them out to me and nor do I 
respond to their attempt at eye-contact. Sometimes, if the people sitting 
beside me don't know me they will simply pass the trays straight on down the 
row and ignore me. Is this because they're bad Christians? No, they just 
haven't got a clue about what to do to interact with blind people.

In every case, if I'll be attending the church for a while, I seek out the 
pastor and I get him to introduce me to the person who coordinates the 
teams. I talk to them about how they need to instruct the ushers to gently 
touch my hand with the tray to alert me they are there. I explain that the 
average blind people want to put something in the offering plate just as 
often as the average sighted person and that it is discriminatory practice 
to leave them out. This solves the problem. I'm currently at a new church 
and I'm about to have this very conversation with the pastor next week.

As for making friends in a new church, I can assure you that it won't happen 
on a Sunday morning. I would call the church office and speak to the person 
who coordinates the young adults group. Explain that you'd like to become 
part of the group and find out when it meets. Organise to be at that meeting 
and ask the leader if you can have 10 minutes to introduce yourself and 
briefly discuss the topic of blindness. Let them know that you're an 
ordinary guy, studying and living life, and that you'd like to make some 
friends. Lay the simple ground rules for how you'd like to be treated. For 
example, explain why you don't want people grabbing you by the arm or 
shoulders and propelling you ahead of them. Express your preference and 
explain that different blind people have different preferences and tell them 
yours. For example, whether you want people to tell you their name every 
time they come up to you or not and, whether you like to take someone's arm 
when you walk with them?
Let them ask questions and answer frankly when appropriate. Be sure to have 
some means of taking down phone numbers with you.
Ask people who'd be willing to go out to lunch, dinner, a movie etc. with 
you to please come and give you their numbers after the meeting. Then, take 
down names and numbers and you be the one to call and organise things.

I guarantee you have lots of friends and and plenty of things to do in no 
time. And, remember that you are in a special position to exhibit the fruits 
of the spirit. Patience, kindness, self-control, long-suffering, love. All 
these are required when dealing with those who don't understand blindness 
and the way it does and doesn't effect blind people. It doesn't matter 
whether they are Christians or not. You are the one being called to step out 
in faith here because the sighted, Christian or not, need your mercy and 
forgiveness. It's not their fault that they don't know what to do. That's 
why we work so hard to educate them. You have a perfect opportunity to 
change the culture of your whole church. I look forward to hearing about 
your successes.
Best,
Heather

-----Original Message----- 
From: Littlefield, Tyler
Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2012 5:18 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] having a hard time fitting in at church

O yes, gotta love church. The all accepting christians until well, until
you're not like they are.
"I like your god, but I do not like your Christians"

On 9/19/2012 3:12 PM, Andrew Edgcumbe wrote:
> I also hate it when a pastor pushes you aside if you are not healed
> and things like that.  I feel that god  has willed us to have our
> blindness until us who are christians go to heaven.
>
>
>
> On 9/19/12, Sophie Trist <sweetpeareader at gmail.com> wrote:
>> How can they throw you out of a church just because you're
>> autistic? Sounds like discrimination to me!
>>
>>   ----- Original Message -----
>> From: Lavonya Gardner <hotdancer1416 at gmail.com
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Wed, 19 Sep 2012 15:16:55 -0400
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] having a hard time fitting in at church
>>
>> I have been thrown out of 25 churches, due to my autism. They
>> seem to be fine with me being blind, but autism was not. So now I
>> attend 2 churches. 1 of them has sometimes 15 blind people at a
>> time. At the other church, I am the only blind person? I am on
>> the dance team. I still do not fit in, but I do try to do ad much
>> ad I can, and try and be ne'er people with my interests. Have you
>> tried finding people to talk to that have your interests?
>>
>> Sent from my iPad
>>
>> On Sep 19, 2012, at 10:49, Andrew Edgcumbe <andrewjedg at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>>   Hi nabs students readers
>>
>>   I hope you all are doing well.
>>
>>
>>   Anyway
>>   I am struggling with fitting in at my church and things.
>>
>>   I  been having a hard time finding friends to talk to there and
>> things.
>>
>>   They all seem to talk to each other and just walk away from me
>> and things.
>>   every time after the service is over they just talk to each
>> other's
>>   friends and i am not really talked to much at all i am often
>> left
>>   sitting alone sometimes they walk out of the church pew all
>> together
>>   and things i get left behind allot i don't get included in going
>> out
>>   to lunch and things like that.
>>
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-- 
Take care,
Ty
http://tds-solutions.net
The aspen project: a barebones light-weight mud engine:
http://code.google.com/p/aspenmud
He that will not reason is a bigot; he that cannot reason is a fool; he that 
dares not reason is a slave.

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