[nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with sightedsocietyatsocial gatherings
Carly Mihalakis
carlymih at comcast.net
Fri Sep 21 07:13:37 UTC 2012
Hi, I know braille but gues it goes to show how dense I am!
Aren't you cute?At 02:05 PM 9/20/2012, you wrote:
>If you know braille, I meant to joke with the way the Braille should be
>written like by taking the number sign off. Maybe there are some people in
>here that need to learn?
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
>Of wmodnl wmodnl
>Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2012 1:57 PM
>To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>Cc: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
>sightedsocietyatsocial gatherings
>
>Maybe, they are typing using an electronic Braille Notetaker, so "BA" is
>meant to represent 21. Someone else wrote something like BJ or CJ earlier.
>I would surmise that they meant 30, 40, ETC.
>
>
>Sent from my iPad
>
>On Sep 20, 2012, at 2:18 PM, "Carly Mihalakis" <carlymih at comcast.net> wrote:
>
> > What the hell does BA years old, mean?PM 9/19/2012, Humberto Avila wrote:
> >> Hey, I am BA years old, though I have never cquiired a college degree,
>yet.
> >> (smile!) I'm going to, someday, but by that time I will not be BA years
>old
> >> anymore.. Smile!***
> >>
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>Behalf
> >> Of Brandon Keith Biggs
> >> Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2012 8:13 PM
> >> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
> >> sightedsocietyatsocial gatherings
> >>
> >> Hello Sarah,
> >> "I am bj years old" That just made my day! I love knowing Braille :). I'm
> >> totally going to say that next time someone asks me how old I am. Or I
>could
> >>
> >> say second octave b :)...
> >> So nice to have you on the list!
> >> Thanks,
> >>
> >> Brandon Keith Biggs
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: Sarah
> >> Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2012 7:45 PM
> >> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
> >> sightedsocietyatsocial gatherings
> >>
> >> Hello everyone, my name is Sarah. I am bj years old. I just
> >> graduated a program called D.P.I. Davidson Program For
> >> Independence. I had to go there because Guide Dogs Of the Desert
> >> said I had to go. So I graduated from there, tomorrow I go get
> >> my first guide dog! My interests are rides, reading, listening to
> >> tv, dogs and horses
> >>
> >> ----- Original Message -----
> >> From: "Brandon Keith Biggs" <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
> >> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> >> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >> Date sent: Wed, 19 Sep 2012 13:48:32 -0700
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
> >> sighted societyatsocial gatherings
> >>
> >> Hello,
> >> There are quite a few ideas that are universal through out
> >> cultures.
> >> For example, it is never socially acceptable to sway in
> >> conversation. It is
> >> only acceptable to rock back and forth mildly when playing guitar
> >> or more
> >> heavily when one is studying the old testament as a Jew.
> >> Otherwise chin up, strait and relaxed stillness for the torso
> >> almost always.
> >>
> >> Also, facial expressions are almost constant through out all
> >> cultures. A
> >> smile is always happy, big eyes are innocents or raised eyebrows,
> >> big eyes
> >> with mouth a little open is startled or scared.
> >> Beckoning is also a very universal gesture with the fist out in
> >> front facing
> >> up with the index finger moving up and down like the person is a
> >> balloon and
> >> the string is on your finger...
> >>
> >> Fit me in or something along that lines is more inclusive because
> >> it means
> >> one can ask about fitting in to their theater group, dance teem,
> >> glee club,
> >> getting in a relationship, dating...
> >>
> >> I am not sure how people are expecting to fit into a sighted
> >> world without
> >> some sighted help.
> >> Although I am guessing that the way the list will pan out is more
> >> blind
> >> people asking questions and both blind people and a few TVIs or
> >> parents will
> >> help. I am on a couple lists with quite a few sighted people and
> >> with
> >> questions like this they are invaluable...
> >> Who knew that hugging yourself with your hands in a fist over
> >> your heart, as
> >> if you were trying to keep warm, actually looks like you are
> >> terrified of
> >> something?
> >> Thanks,
> >>
> >> Brandon Keith Biggs
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: Arielle Silverman
> >> Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2012 12:24 PM
> >> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
> >> sighted societyat
> >> social gatherings
> >>
> >> Hi all,
> >> Sorry to be difficult but I am not willing to join a listserv
> >> called
> >> "Being Socially Acceptable Blind" or "Looking Sighted". Both
> >> names
> >> imply that all sighted people look and act the same or that
> >> there is
> >> only one way to be socially acceptable; these are notions that,
> >> frankly, I believe are offensive to blind and sighted people
> >> both.
> >> I believe such a listserv should be intended to be a
> >> nonjudgmental
> >> forum where blind folks can ask questions or share frustrations
> >> and
> >> get supportive answers from blind peers and blind mentors, not a
> >> place
> >> where subscribers are told they must look and act a certain way.
> >> Also,
> >> while we might let TVI's join if they want, I think the vast
> >> majority
> >> of the subscribers should be blind people and we should keep
> >> teachers
> >> and authority figures to a minimum.
> >> I'd support a name like "blind-fitting in", "blind-social" or
> >> "blind-dating" perhaps.
> >> If the group is created with a tolerant, non-judgmental name I'd
> >> be
> >> happy to help out with it.
> >>
> >>
> >> On 9/19/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com>
> >> wrote:
> >> Names:
> >> See me blind (SEM at blah.whatever)
> >> Being Socially acceptable blind (SEB)
> >> Looking Sighted (LS or LSighted)
> >> talk sightless (TSightless)
> >>
> >> Just some names...
> >> Thanks,
> >>
> >> Brandon Keith Biggs
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: Desiree Oudinot
> >> Sent: Wednesday, September 19, 2012 10:48 AM
> >> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
> >> sighted
> >> societyat
> >>
> >> social gatherings
> >>
> >> That's actually a pretty good idea for a name. That was the
> >> only thing
> >> holding me back from creating a group, the fact I couldn't
> >> really
> >> think of a name for it. As for making a website, that would be
> >> a cool
> >> idea too, but I don't know html or anything, so I decided not to
> >> go
> >> that route.
> >> Where I was going when I was talking about the different student
> >> divisions was that I don't want it to become a point of
> >> contension on
> >> the list. I don't want people going to war over which
> >> organization's
> >> philosophy prepares people to deal with social and dating
> >> situations
> >> better. It's fine for people to be part of whatever they so
> >> choose,
> >> but I absolutely will not tolerate stereotypes about either one.
> >> I
> >> want it to be a safe place where people can feel open enough to
> >> discuss such uncomfortable and embarrassing topics as their
> >> social
> >> awkwardness. If someone starts saying that joining the NFB
> >> would help
> >> them be more independent, or that the ACB is crap, well, what
> >> will
> >> that solve? I'm not a member of either, nor do I ever intend on
> >> doing
> >> so, so I feel that I could nip this stuff in the bud if it would
> >> happen, and I'm not even saying it necessarily would become a
> >> problem,
> >> it's just something to consider.
> >>
> >> On 9/19/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com>
> >> wrote:
> >> Hello,
> >> Frankly I don't know what the difference between the ACB's
> >> student and
> >> NFB's
> >>
> >> student division is. We are all dealing with exactly the same
> >> things. So
> >> I
> >> really believe we should get our sighted parents, friends and
> >> whatnot to
> >> be
> >>
> >> on the list to answer questions we may have. Many TVIs would
> >> jump at the
> >> chance to be on a list serve devoted to socializing.
> >> Just make a group, possibly:
> >> bseb at googlegroups.com or something :). Being socially
> >> acceptable blind or
> >>
> >> a
> >>
> >> cooler name LOL... Any ideas?
> >> I even think this should have a website with different articles
> >> that
> >> someone
> >>
> >> can brows to answer any personal questions they may have.
> >> Because this is
> >> such a big issue.
> >> Thanks,
> >>
> >> Brandon Keith Biggs
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: Desiree Oudinot
> >> Sent: Friday, September 14, 2012 9:29 PM
> >> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
> >> sighted
> >> societyat
> >>
> >> social gatherings
> >>
> >> And this is precisely why I wanted to create a separate list to
> >> discuss these kinds of issues and more. And, at the risk of
> >> offending
> >> people, I wanted it to be a separate list, separate from the NFB
> >> or
> >> ACB, I wanted it to be the place for every blind person, no
> >> matter
> >> their political or social status or whatever, to discuss how
> >> they fit
> >> in with society. Why does it offend you that blind people,
> >> whether
> >> they be men or women, should try to do their best to interact as
> >> sighted people do? Are there really specific guidelines we have
> >> to
> >> follow? I really want to understand this. I know as well as
> >> anyone
> >> what struggles we have to go through growing up just to be
> >> treated
> >> like human beings. First, we're blind people, then we're young,
> >> and
> >> the stereotypes surrounding young people of our generation are
> >> just as
> >> crippling as those surrounding being blind. So being dealt both
> >> as our
> >> hand in life is kind of a double whammy. I still struggle when
> >> someone
> >> actually treats me as an equal. I want to run away.
> >>
> >> On 9/14/12, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:
> >> I've tried to avoid getting into this thread, but here goes:
> >> 1. Blind people acting like sighted people scares the crap out
> >> of
> >> me because it just does for some reason.
> >> 2. Girls' conformity rules are terrible: for instance, girls
> >> shouldn't be scientists. What does that statement say about us
> >> girls? Girls should be married to men with decent jobs. No, I
> >> will not marry a man with any job so I can be taken care of, and
> >> this isn't the friggin' 1800's. Girls and women can take care
> >> of
> >> themselves, and they can work and support families. Jason, my
> >> current bf, does not work and can't do what society says, be a
> >> man and work and get paid for the woman. Some societies demand
> >> that all men work and women stay home. We, Americans though we
> >> are, still have these demands on blind women. I as a blind
> >> woman
> >> cannot accept conformity or defeat due to womanhood. Since
> >> Jason
> >> can't work and follow society's rules of manhood, it's up to me
> >> to do it. Girls should not always do typing, nursing, or
> >> different "womanly" professions where they get paid less than
> >> ordinary men. Jason, due to his disability, does not work. I,
> >> due to mental illness, may never work. I want to work so bad,
> >> but where? Goodwill is out of the question. I'm not working
> >> for
> >> nothing or low wages because I'm a woman. And no way will I
> >> accept sexual harassment because I have breasts and different
> >> organs inside me. I as a blind woman will not accept rules
> >> saying "You will be taken care of. You will be a stay-at-home
> >> wife. You will be poor." No way.
> >> Beth
> >>
> >> ----- Original Message -----
> >> From: Marc Workman <mworkman.lists at gmail.com
> >> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >> Date sent: Fri, 14 Sep 2012 20:37:00 -0600
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social norms: how we can fit in with
> >> sighted societyat social gatherings
> >>
> >> Chris wrote,
> >> Therefore, it is important that we know the unwritten rules
> >> which
> >> our sighted society has made. If we don't know them and follow
> >> them, what does that say about us as blind people? It says we
> >> are
> >> weird, different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc.
> >>
> >> Alternatively, perhaps it says that those rules are not natural,
> >> that they are the product of sighted people simply aping one
> >> another, and that they are arbitrary. I believe that such
> >> unwritten rules often needlessly cause huge amounts of anxiety,
> >> self-loathing, and anguish.
> >>
> >> We had a similar discussion on this list some time ago,
> >> particularly around the subject of so called "blindisms, and I
> >> put that term in quotes as a way of acknowledging that it is
> >> pejorative. I'm sure it could be found on line by anyone who is
> >> interested.
> >>
> >> Personally, I would rather live in a world where blind people
> >> are
> >> accepted and respected not simply to the extent that they can
> >> look and act like sighted people, but on the grounds that they
> >> are human beings possessing dignity and as equally worthy of
> >> respect as sighted people. The message shouldn't be, "hey, we
> >> can
> >> follow your rules, so you should accept us". Instead, the
> >> message
> >> should be, "we, like you, have many talents and weaknesses, feel
> >> pleasure and pain, reach our full potential through the
> >> formation
> >> of deep and meaningful relationships with other human beings,
> >> and
> >> your failure to treat us with respect and as equals is unfair,
> >> discriminatory, and immoral", to borrow from Mr. Lewis.
> >>
> >> By the way, I think this goes well beyond blind people fitting
> >> into sighted society. We are constantly policing one another's
> >> behaviour. Probably one of the more obvious examples of this
> >> has
> >> to do with gender. There are hundreds if not thousands of
> >> mostly
> >> unspoken rules about what makes a man a man and how real men
> >> ought to behave, and there are twice as many concerning women.
> >> These rules are enforced in subtle but effective ways, and the
> >> result is often a great deal of suffering for anyone who cannot,
> >> or chooses not to, conform. These gender rules are just as
> >> arbitrary as those around sighted/blind behaviour, and the
> >> effort
> >> similarly should be to relax and remove such rules, not to more
> >> explicitly and fervently teach boys and girls the so called
> >> right
> >> way to act.
> >>
> >> This is of course easier said than done, and failing to conform
> >> does unfortunately often result in suffering, such as missed
> >> social, volunteer, and employment opportunities. So I don't
> >> judge
> >> or condemn anyone who makes a serious effort to learn the
> >> unwritten rules of sighted society, just as I don't judge
> >> someone
> >> who wants to spend all of his or her time reading medical
> >> journals and desperately praying for a cure. It's hard being
> >> blind in the particular society in which we live, and conforming
> >> can make things a little bit easier. But I still think we
> >> should
> >> work more on changing attitudes and less on teaching blind
> >> people
> >> how to look and act like sighted people.
> >>
> >> Regards,
> >>
> >> Marc
> >> On 2012-09-14, at 3:04 PM, Chris Nusbaum
> >> <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com> wrote:
> >>
> >> Hi Brandon and all,
> >>
> >> I'm taking the liberty here to change the subject of this
> >> thread, as if we're going to discuss the topic which Brandon has
> >> brought up in his post, I think it would prevent confusion if we
> >> changed the subject to reflect the actual topic of Brandon's
> >> message.
> >>
> >> Brandon, your idea about the NFB conducting some kind of
> >> instructional seminar or workshop on social norms and how we can
> >> "fit in" with the sighted public is a great one! I think you
> >> should talk with the NFB leadership about this! I believe NOPBC
> >> (the parents division) has touched on this topic in their
> >> seminars at conventions. One of the topics at the parents
> >> seminar at the Maryland state convention is almost always social
> >> skills, especially what sighted society has deemed socially
> >> acceptable and how we as blind people can fit in at social
> >> gatherings, conforming as best we can to the "norms" of society.
> >> I believe this is arguably more important for blind students, as
> >> we are often in social gatherings (or want to be in them) at our
> >> schools, with our friends, or in our communities. Therefore, it
> >> is important that we know the unwritten rules which our sighted
> >> society has made. If we don't know them and follow them, what
> >> does that say about us as blind people? It says we are weird,
> >> different, abnormal, incompetent, dependent, etc. These are the
> >> very adjectives we in the Federation have been working to cut
> >> out
> >> from the vocabulary of the public when in the context of
> >> blindness and blind people. In other words, these are the very
> >> things we don't want sighted people thinking about us. If this
> >> is how sighted people perceive us, then it puts our ability to
> >> get a job, volunteer in our community, and become first-class
> >> citizens at risk. So, I think this would be a great thing for
> >> the NFB to do, and one which I'm kind of surprised we're not
> >> doing already. Also, since this is an important topic for blind
> >> students, perhaps "social skills and norms" could be the topic
> >> of
> >> a future NABS membership call.
> >>
> >> Just my thoughts,
> >>
> >> Chris
> >>
> >> ----- Original Message -----
> >> From: "Brandon Keith Biggs" <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
> >> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> >> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >> Date sent: Mon, 10 Sep 2012 21:15:16 -0700
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
> >>
> >> Hello,
> >> We aren't promoting sex among students, we are promoting safe
> >> sex. There is
> >> a huge difference. If the student division is the only one
> >> with
> >> some
> >> practical sense about sexual activities, I'm a little scared...
> >> :)
> >> I do agree though, sex, dating and excepted socializing among a
> >> sighted
> >> community is a very big topic that is often times ignored by
> >> the
> >> blind
> >> community.
> >> I have been told by sighted TVIs that many blind folks (youth
> >> or
> >> not) have
> >> some very strange mannerisms and beliefs that are totally
> >> against the grain
> >> of sighted society. My mom in particular, who is a TVI, has
> >> suggested that
> >> the NFB should really give some instruction on how the sighted
> >> world thinks.
> >> Otherwise what will happen (and what has happened) is the world
> >> looks at a
> >> gathering of blind people and cringes because they are so
> >> weird.
> >> or a
> >> sighted girl sees a blind guy and thinks she wants to talk to
> >> him and when
> >> she is about to sit down and say hi, the guy does something
> >> really weird and
> >> she turns around and walks a mile away.
> >> This is a little different than the deal with the condoms, but
> >> both sexual
> >> health and social issues are topics that are very much in need
> >> of attention
> >> among blind individuals, and students in particular.
> >> I feel strongly that having some active workshops on this that
> >> aren't meant
> >> to be uncomfortable, but still deal with the taboo problems
> >> would greatly
> >> improve convention.
> >> Thank you,
> >>
> >> Brandon Keith Biggs
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: Arielle Silverman
> >> Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:18 PM
> >> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
> >>
> >> Hi all,
> >> I have joked in the past about how NABS should sell Brailled
> >> Whozit
> >> condoms at convention! Kidding aside, though, there are
> >> probably
> >> some
> >> NFB leaders with more conservative leanings, who might feel
> >> that
> >> NABS
> >> selling condoms at convention would be promoting sexual
> >> activity
> >> among
> >> young or unmarried blind students. I don't agree with that
> >> position,
> >> but some people do and since anything NABS does is, by
> >> extension, an
> >> NFB-sanctioned event, we would need to balance the benefits of
> >> providing condoms against possibly upsetting the NFB leadership
> >> or
> >> bringing on an unwanted political debate.
> >> I would be more likely to support a NABS breakout session, at
> >> Washington Seminar or elsewhere, about sexuality in general,
> >> and
> >> perhaps include an opportunity to try putting a condom on the
> >> proverbial banana or some such. When I was 15, I went to a
> >> diversity
> >> camp (for sighted teens) and there was a sexuality workshop
> >> available
> >> as one of several choices. They passed around condoms and in
> >> fact,
> >> this was the first time I actually felt one. A general
> >> workshop
> >> about
> >> sex, dating and etiquette, etc. might be worth having.
> >> Arielle
> >>
> >> On 9/10/12, Brandon Keith Biggs <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
> >> wrote:
> >> Hello,
> >> This would be an awesome idea! Not only because many people
> >> have
> >> never
> >> seen
> >>
> >> a condom, so they could finger the packages with labels without
> >> having to
> >> be
> >>
> >> embarrassed, but when I was at the hotel I didn't run into any
> >> condoms in
> >> the store. Granted I wasn't looking for them, but I was
> >> browsing...
> >> Condoms,
> >>
> >> lube and Dental Dams, all labeled in Braille! We would also
> >> probably need
> >> to
> >>
> >> provide guides for people on how to find the right way to put
> >> on
> >> a condom
> >> or
> >>
> >> use a dental dam.
> >> Another thing I didn't see at the NABS table is hot serial.
> >> The
> >> packing
> >> guide in the nabs newsletter said to pack a ton of things and
> >> I
> >> for one
> >> don't keep hot serial in the house and I don't shop at places
> >> that sell
> >> hot
> >>
> >> serial, so wasn't able to grab a box. But I would have loved
> >> to
> >> buy a box
> >> for even $10 or more, the breakfasts there were $10 alone...
> >> (Then of
> >> course
> >>
> >> we could sell bole and spoon packs for the poor folks who
> >> didn't
> >> bring
> >> their
> >>
> >> own utensil's).
> >> Thanks,
> >>
> >> Brandon Keith Biggs
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: Anmol Bhatia
> >> Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:28 AM
> >> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
> >>
> >>
> >> You would be a good place to sell and buy condoms? At the NFB
> >> convention...
> >>
> >> Perhaps Nabs should sell condoms at the NABS table. We can
> >> even
> >> braille
> >> them
> >>
> >> so the perso can know what kind of condoms they have. lol
> >>
> >> Anmol
> >>
> >> I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me
> >> sad.
> >> Perhaps
> >> there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague,
> >> like a breeze
> >> among flowers.
> >> Hellen Keller
> >>
> >>
> >> --- On Sun, 9/9/12, Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
> >> wrote:
> >>
> >> From: Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net
> >> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
> >> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> >> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>, "National Association of Blind Students
> >> mailing
> >> list"
> >>
> >> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >> Date: Sunday, September 9, 2012, 10:54 PM
> >> Hi, Brandon,
> >>
> >> I went into a place in Denver to buy a dildo yes, on
> >> the bigger, ribbed side to use in the old fashioned bath tub
> >> I had at the time, to get myself off with the faucet.
> >> Traditionally, I need something in my ass, to cum. If I
> >> remember, the folks in their wer very cool, look at the
> >> blind girl going to by herself a dildo! Don't worry! If
> >> you're relaxed, and cool about what you're doing so will be
> >> the bookstore, personnel. Let us know how goes it,
> >> okay? At 04:52 PM 9/8/2012, SA Mobile wrote:
> >> Those are the best places to get stuff as the staff are
> >> professional and are trained to make customers feel at ease.
> >> Just make sure the shop is of good repute.
> >>
> >> Respectfully,
> >> Jedi
> >>
> >> Sent from my iPhone
> >>
> >> On 08/09/2012, at 12:36 PM, "Brandon Keith Biggs"
> >> <brandonkeithbiggs at gmail.com
> >> wrote:
> >>
> >> Hello,
> >> Thank goodness my father was a nurse and when I
> >> turned 18, he said addio to being in with me at the doctor.
> >> I do find it amusing though that some doctors are actually
> >> really uncomfortable touching me because I'm blind... That
> >> only happened after my dad started leaving the room.
> >> Thank you Arielle for those websites. I don't feel
> >> that condoms are something I want to buy from a website I've
> >> never heard of before unless someone I know has gotten or
> >> knows that site is trust worthy.
> >> I was told that flavored condoms were only to be
> >> used in oral intercourse. The same is not for lube I
> >> presume?
> >> Also, has anyone ever gone into a sex store? How
> >> was it as a blind shopper? Even from sighted people I hear
> >> the experience is often not pleasant.
> >> Thanks,
> >>
> >> Brandon Keith Biggs
> >> -----Original Message----- From: Arielle
> >> Silverman
> >> Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2012 10:00 AM
> >> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >> Subject: [nabs-l] condoms and Sexual Health
> >>
> >> Hi all,
> >> I know the recent discussions about sex and dating
> >> are kind of in a
> >> gray area as to whether or not they're on-topic
> >> for this list, since
> >> most of the issues Koby brought up are not really
> >> unique to blindness.
> >> So if the moderators or Dave feel this is getting
> >> too far afield, I
> >> will happily respect your judgment. However, I
> >> also think that
> >> Brandon's question about where to get condoms is a
> >> legitimate one and
> >> that there might be other blind people out here,
> >> including teenagers,
> >> who have similar concerns about how to get
> >> condoms, birth control or
> >> sexual health information without a lot of
> >> awkwardness or
> >> embarrassment. It can be particularly difficult if
> >> you have to depend
> >> on someone else (especially parents) for
> >> transportation which can make
> >> going to a clinic or drugstore difficult.
> >> There are a few places to buy condoms online,
> >> including
> >> www.condomania.com
> >> www.undercovercondoms.com
> >> and
> >> www.condomdepot.com
> >> Believe it or not, they also have some condom
> >> choices at
> >> www.amazon.com
> >> If you go to your health center on campus for any
> >> reason, it shouldn't
> >> be a problem to ask a doctor or nurse there
> >> about condoms.
> >> I cannot answer the questions about when to begin
> >> having sex with a
> >> partner because that is a highly individual
> >> decision. However, I feel
> >> it important that anyone who is considering having
> >> sex for the first
> >> time ensure you understand what all of your
> >> options are for preventing
> >> pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, the
> >> advantages and
> >> disadvantages of each option, and the proper way
> >> to use condoms and
> >> birth control. There are a couple different
> >> websites with this kind
> >> of information:
> >> www.plannedparenthood.org
> >> (includes live chat with a sexual health educator)
> >> or
> >> www.scarleteen.com
> >> This issue is particularly close to my heart at
> >> the moment because my
> >> boyfriend's sister just had an unintended
> >> pregnancy at a very
> >> inopportune time (while still in college, with a
> >> guy she had only
> >> known for a few months) and was apparently taking
> >> birth control pills,
> >> but had not been taking them consistently. While I
> >> don't believe that
> >> sex should be feared, it is something that
> >> takes some responsibility,
> >> planning and foresight to ensure it is enjoyable
> >> while minimizing the
> >> risks. Also, while I won't go into details here,
> >> there are other ways
> >> to be physically intimate with someone that are
> >> less risky, which
> >> these online forums will talk about.
> >> I also want to bring up an issue that is
> >> somewhat relevant to sexual
> >> health, which I experienced and I think that some
> >> of you might also be
> >> struggling with. This is the issue of having your
> >> parents drive you to
> >> doctors' appointments and then having them want to
> >> sit in or even
> >> participate in your appointments. Since I attended
> >> college in my home
> >> city, my mother always wanted to drive me to my
> >> doctors' appointments
> >> and would then want to come in and chat with the
> >> doctor while he/she
> >> was examining me. This was partly because my
> >> parents and I saw many of
> >> the same doctors and she often thought it was a
> >> good opportunity to
> >> ask the doctor a quick question about her own
> >> health while she was
> >> there, or because she was curious to see what the
> >> doctor recommended
> >> to me about a particular issue. I eventually
> >> realized that while it
> >> wasn't ill-intentioned, it was a violation of my
> >> privacy as an adult
> >> patient and I asked her to wait in the waiting
> >> room while I was seeing
> >> the doctor. I didn't actually take this stand
> >> until I was 21 and in
> >> hindsight I wish I had done it much earlier.
> >> By the time you are 18,
> >> unless you have a serious cognitive disability,
> >> you have a right to
> >> privacy of your medical information and it is
> >> important to establish a
> >> good doctor-patient relationship without a third
> >> person interfering.
> >> This is especially true when it comes to sexual
> >> health and by the time
> >> you are 18 or even 16, you will want to start
> >> discussing your sexual
> >> activities or questions with your doctors without
> >> your parents being
> >> around. You might also want to consider getting a
> >> driver or even
> >> taking the bus to medical appointments to avoid
> >> this problem.
> >> On a related note, by the time you are in high
> >> school, you should know
> >> the names of all medications you take on a
> >> regular basis and any
> >> chronic medical conditions you may have. If you
> >> ever have to go to the
> >> emergency room, this kind of information may
> >> be requested of you.
> >> Best,
> >> Arielle
> >>
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