[nabs-l] family problems dealing with blindness

Thu Jun 4 03:21:26 UTC 2015

Hi Andrew. Sounds like you are going through a difficult situation.
Know that you are not alone and there are many blind young adults who
have experienced similar issues. I have been living away from my
parents' home since I began college at age 18, and living in a
separate state from them since age 23. While I have a good (not
perfect) relationship with my folks now, I think if I had to live in
their home things would be much worse, for reasons similar to what you
have described. I agree with Bridget that as a legal adult, you could
benefit greatly from finding a separate living arrangement, especially
if you can also move to an area with better public transit, job
opportunities, etc. I would recommend making a written plan for steps
you can take to find a new living situation, such as college
admission, finding a job or even living with a friend or relative who
supports your autonomy. You may want to enlist support from a rehab
counselor or perhaps even a social worker or mental health counselor
to find out what your living options are. Then, calmly present your
plan to your parents (perhaps in writing). Hopefully they will support
your decision to move out on your own.
Arielle

On 6/3/15, Bridget Walker via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Here's my take on your situation. You are legally an adult at 18. Your
> parents no longer have legal obligation to provide for you once you reach
> the age of 21. You are fully responsible for your life and have all of the
> rights afforded to you as any other adult. You are 28 years old. You are a
> legal adult. I'm hoping I'm not the first to tell you that.
> To be honest, I would get myself out of such a situation. You do not have to
> live in that environment. You can leave if you so choose. I don't believe
> your parents are going to change their rules or expectations. You have to
> step up and create your own opportunities.
> I don't know what your living situation is but, I do know if it is really
> that bad you can get out of it. If you feel for whatever reason you are not
> ready to live independently there are programs and organizations that can
> help you.
> Based on the information you provided, I do not see your current situation
> improving.
> I'm sorry I'm quite direct in my response. I hope you find a solution that
> works for you.
> Bridget
>
> Sent from my iPad
>
>> On Jun 3, 27 Heisei, at 6:15 AM, Mabelin Ramirez via nabs-l
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>
>>
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>>> On Jun 2, 2015, at 11:25, Alana Leonhardy via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>> First, you mentioned that you're 28. But are your parents still your
>>> legal guardians? If they are, they can still set rules and expect you to
>>> follow them. Even if they're not, it sounds as though you're living with
>>> them still; so they still make the rules of the house. Do either of your
>>> parents hit you, push you, or anything like that? Or do they call you
>>> names and insult you?
>>> I understand being frustrated with parents treating you differently
>>> because of blindness. If you have any friends who aren't family members,
>>> it can help to vent to them.
>>>
>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>
>>>> On Jun 2, 2015, at 07:52, andrew edgcumbe via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Hi all  I  just have been having family difficaulties i have documented
>>>> them as a whole it may not look blindness right away but i get into
>>>> that
>>>> later in the message though.
>>>>
>>>> this happened a month ago in april this happened. but anyway my parents
>>>> and i got into bit of a cafuffal and things. i got bit jumpy or
>>>> whatever
>>>> but that is all but anyway my dad all of a sudden tells me to get out
>>>> of
>>>> the room very sternly. anyway i did not leave the room but anyway he
>>>> then
>>>> threatened to call the police on me. i still did not leave the room
>>>> until
>>>> he said he ment what he said about that threat. this was couple hours
>>>> before i was going out with a close friend. but anyway when she came
>>>> just
>>>> before we left my mom said my dad wanted to talk to my friend. We just
>>>> told
>>>> her we did not have time to talk and we left she said she had a gut
>>>> instinct that something was not right or was going to happen or
>>>> something
>>>> like that before she got to my place i was just pretty scared my friend
>>>> said she couldn't blame me for being scared as she would be to if that
>>>> was
>>>> said to her. I felt everything from a evil presence to anything else in
>>>> that house. My dad can be the type who does raise his voice and shut
>>>> people
>>>> down instead of listening to them things like that. I been babied and
>>>> things by my parents and things. my dad treats me like a kid just his
>>>> tone
>>>> of voice when he asks things do you know what a porcky pine is for
>>>> example
>>>> it was like he tells me stuff i already know. my parents tend to treat
>>>> me
>>>> like i have a disability and things i will state here that i don't
>>>> consider
>>>> blindness a disability only an impairment. but my parents treat me like
>>>> i
>>>> can't do anything and things like that he tends to concentrate on
>>>> blindness
>>>> both parents do that is and does not think on the abilities. my parents
>>>> are
>>>> just very controlling when it comes to these things and it just gets me
>>>> down and things. he has said to me when i told him to stop treat me like
>>>> a
>>>> blind man his return fraise is this well you are blind and things like
>>>> that. again i don't consider blindness a disability i consider it an
>>>> impairment only. i just end up feeling very discouraged and feeling
>>>> down
>>>> and things like that. i end up feeling hopless and i feel like i am
>>>> very
>>>> iceolated and i feel very trapped at home as i am not aloud to do what
>>>> i
>>>> want to do and things. i just am very tired of my parents in fact i
>>>> feel
>>>> down because of being so trapped and things. my parents don't listen or
>>>> anything to me and when i tell somebody mom or dad how i feel they snap
>>>> back at me very quickly that is why i can't go to them.  I am finding
>>>> that
>>>> they have their set way of what they want to do or want me to do for
>>>> example things like that.  I am 28 years old there has been things i
>>>> feel
>>>> that have not been shown to me my parents are not grounded in  nfb
>>>> philosaphy they may say a blind person is capable   on the other end
>>>> there
>>>> is this mind set they are not showing me that not showing me that i am
>>>> capable.   I know everybody has not been through these type of
>>>> experiences
>>>> but there seems to be fair number that have had trouble with parents
>>>> that
>>>> are in the blind community.
>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
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>>> I hope your issue gets fixed soon.
>> My best regards.
>> I'm still under guardianship myself.
>>
>>
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