[nabs-l] How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people

[Littlefield, Tyler]

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Hello,
First I think this applies to a lot of people in a lot of areas.
Especially being female, I think there are a lot of guys who will go
after that and be creepy, regardless of their situations or the fact
that you're blind, so I'm going to answer this email disregarding part
of that. Similarly, there are creepy blind guys who want to know if
you'll swallow them and let them swim around in your stomach (or
indulge them in that fantasy), who want you to tell them what your
hands smell like, etc. You'll find them in any category or group of
people.

I think the most important thing to note here is that if, at any point
you ever feel like you are threatened or that you or your friend are
in any kind of danger, don't wait around to test the waters; get help.
You could talk to campus PD, someone at your wellness center, etc. I
think the next best thing is to try to defuse this situation going on
with him. As you've said, just don't respond to his comments. If given
the chance, perhaps it's easier to make it clear that you're not
looking for a relationship (depending on how he gets subtlety), etc.
Nothing beats just outright saying you're not interested if you feel
like that won't escalate things farther.

There may be much better information coming from people who experience
these problems, but I wanted to throw in my two cents in the hopes
that it can be somewhat helpful. I've noticed that some people with a
"disability" tend to have a thing for/bond with people who are blind,
regardless of the specifics. I'm not sure if this is just going on the
idea that you might understand them better, or that they just feel
more comfortable. I'm not sure if this is the case here, but perhaps
you could make it a point that you'd be happy to talk to him but you
don't really want a relationship.

HTH and good luck,
On 10/19/2015 12:41 AM, Kaiti Shelton via nabs-l wrote:
> Hi all,
> 
> I'm sure you're wondering about the strange subject line, but the 
> situation is exactly how it sounds.  This guy started pestering a 
> friend of mine who is also blind on campus, and since we've started
> a disability organization and have been seen together and he saw my
> cane he's now starting to do it to me.  Apparently he has some
> neurological problems that are supposedly controled, but the odd
> behavior isn't something that we're aware of that can be related to
> seizure disorders.  He has admitted to my friend that he has a
> thing for girls with disabilities, and since meeting her has been
> fascinated by blind chicks.  It was a little disturbing to me when
> he started sending me really forward facebook messages and
> mentioned my friend, and when I asked her about it the next day she
> half-jokingly referred to him as "Her stalker," and told me she'd
> fill me in further in private, which she did.  He seems fairly
> harmless for the time being and she's so far been successful in
> just ignoring him or not giving information, and she certainly made
> it known that she does not return the liking he says he has for
> her, but I still am creeped out a bit by the pattern of going after
> blind chicks.  Obviously I haven't given him any information and
> have mostly ignored his messages he's been sending me, but I'm a
> little hesitant to just block him because he'll probably show up to
> the club meetings now that he knows about them.
> 
> I've been advised by a male friend of mine to just tell him to
> back off and leave me alone, but I'll admit that as a woman who is
> fairly identifyable as the only one with a cane and who is unable
> to see him coming I don't know if that is the best approach or not.
> He hasn't done anything at this point that is reportable, so I
> don't quite know what the best approach would be.  I am pretty
> creeped out how he targets disabled women and blind women in
> particular now, but that isn't a crime in and of itself.
> Thankfully I had class the time when he showed up to our table
> hours for our awareness week on campus, and he didn't show up to
> the described movie night we just had like he said he was going to.
> I usually have chapter meetings for another organization directly
> after the club meetings so I do have an excuse to leave club by a
> certain time, but I'm not thrilled by the idea of this dude showing
> up and being weird with my friend and I while we're trying to get
> work done, or meeting me in person and making it harder for him to
> miss me when I'm going about my business on campus.
> 
> Don't get me wrong---I totally have ignored creepy online people 
> before in the few instances where they have sent me strange
> facebook chats or what have you, but the fact that this is a
> sighted dude on my campus who is going after a specific disability
> is really creepy to me and I do not feel comfortable about it.
> Advice?  Also, I do understand that this topic kind of verges on
> adult conversations, but please keep your responses G or PG as I do
> not intend to break any list guidelines and nothing grossly
> inappropriate has happened here.
> 
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- -- 
Take care,
Ty
twitter: @sorressean
web:http://tysdomain.com
pubkey: http://tysdomain.com/files/pubkey.asc
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