[nabs-l] How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people

Tue Oct 20 04:42:43 UTC 2015

Hi all,

There have certainly been a wide variety of thoughts on how to handle
the issue, which is great because from them I think I've picked out
the most helpful elements for this situation.

I held off on replying till now specifically to collect my thoughts
and weigh the options so far.  Before I wrote I was mainly concerned
with how to just get rid of the problem because it made me and my
friend uncomfortable.  I thought I had no obligation to explain my
discomfort or to teach this other student social skills because that
really isn't my role or something I would normally be concerned with
if it were a neurotypical guy doing the "stalking" as my friend called
it.  I felt that even though I have an obligation to be cordial to him
if/when we were in the same place, and I need to promote understanding
of neurological issues including these maladaptive behaviors to the
general campus public, that this crosses a line and my own comfort and
security should be of a higher priority than playing social skills
coach.  Especially since I don't know this guy from Adam I just wanted
him to leave us alone except for when we are in club meetings or
functions.

I see the value of talking to him, but Kennedy brought up a great
point that we wouldn't want to ambush him and potentially make the
problem worse.  As much as I would rather just not deal with this and
hope he just goes away from me and my friend, since we have the club
and it is cross-disability he's probably going to show up to something
eventually.  I like the idea of talking to the club advisors, and I
think that since both of them work in disability services they could
be helpful, neutral parties if we do need to talk about the behaviors.
The Disability office could also be a neutral place to talk, since
there are always people filtering in and out but we could also have
the conversations in a confidential space, mainly for his benefit.  I
also thought today that if this is something that must be addressed,
having a social skills workshop might not be a bad idea.  I'm not sure
how receptive the rest of the exec board would be to it as there are
only two people with neurological disabilities which seem to impact
their understanding of appropriate and inappropriate actions in social
situations, one more than the other, and we wouldn't want to make them
feel singled out by having those with disabilities but adequate social
skills honing in on one or both of them.  We may be able to weave it
into a breakout session like we usually have, but the conversation
would be pretty pointless for everyone else in the club as well unless
those of us who have physical disabilities talked about other aspects
of social behavior that are issues to us.  Personally I think the
issues of speaking down to someone in a wheelchair, or issues of not
understanding gestures or body language as well for a blind person are
very different from knowing when an action is appropriate or not and
moderating that behavior, but it might be the best way to bridge the
gap and have other people at least talk about aspects of socializing
that are challenging for them.

I definitely want to keep my interactions with him to a minimum and
don't want to jump the gun either (as nothing has been done to warrant
that), but this is an issue I think I'll have to monitor carefully.
The club has its meetings on Wednesdays, so I guess I will see what
will happen potentially as soon as this week.  My fight or flight
reflex is still wishing he'd just go away so I don't have to deal with
the conflict or fear that he'll come up to me as I'm trying to get
lunch or go to a class, but we can't win 'em all.

On 10/19/15, STOMBERG, KENNEDY via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Josh, I know! It's super gross!
>
> On Mon, Oct 19, 2015 at 10:18 PM, josh lester via nabs-l
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> wrote:
>
>> Wow!
>> What I can't stand is people that when taught how to guide me, insist
>> on me putting my hand on their shoulder, or letting them hold my hand
>> like a child!
>> It's annoying!
>> Alana, when did you start losing your sight?
>> Thanks
>>
>> On 10/19/15, Alana Leonhardy via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> > This sounds very disturbing. I have also encountered a person like
>> > this.
>> It
>> > was right as I was losing my vision that I met this person, and the
>> > only
>> > reason things didn't escalate beyond control is because I moved away.
>> > The
>> > things you mentioned sound very similar, and it sounds like he makes
>> > you
>> > feel really uneasy. People can show interest in the disabled for a
>> number of
>> > reasons, some good and some not so much. Sometimes it's because they
>> think
>> > they'll be an easy victim, sometimes they're interested in the person
>> > as
>> a
>> > whole and they're disability doesn't make them uncomfortable or lose
>> > the
>> > attraction, blind and sighted people end up together all the time. But
>> > sometimes, it's the disability itself that excites the person, like my
>> sick
>> > ex and maybe the guy you're talking about. I can't say for sure since I
>> > don't know the man. But if that's what is going on, then the word
>> > you've
>> > used, target, is a good one. I can certainly understand why you may be
>> > worried for yourself and your friend if you reject his advances, but
>> > just
>> > because he has a creepy fetish doesn't mean he will become violent. My
>> > advice is to to tell him you're not interested via private Facebook
>> message,
>> > so there's a record of your saying no and his reaction. There has been
>> some
>> > good advice offered previously too :)
>> > I hope I'm overreacting because of my own previously mentioned
>> > situation,
>> > and that your creep is easier to deal with.
>> > Best of luck,
>> > Alana
>> >
>> > Sent from my iPhone
>> >
>> >> On Oct 18, 2015, at 21:41, Kaiti Shelton via nabs-l
>> >> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> >> wrote:
>> >>
>> >> Hi all,
>> >>
>> >> I'm sure you're wondering about the strange subject line, but the
>> >> situation is exactly how it sounds.  This guy started pestering a
>> >> friend of mine who is also blind on campus, and since we've started a
>> >> disability organization and have been seen together and he saw my cane
>> >> he's now starting to do it to me.  Apparently he has some neurological
>> >> problems that are supposedly controled, but the odd behavior isn't
>> >> something that we're aware of that can be related to seizure
>> >> disorders.  He has admitted to my friend that he has a thing for girls
>> >> with disabilities, and since meeting her has been fascinated by blind
>> >> chicks.  It was a little disturbing to me when he started sending me
>> >> really forward facebook messages and mentioned my friend, and when I
>> >> asked her about it the next day she half-jokingly referred to him as
>> >> "Her stalker," and told me she'd fill me in further in private, which
>> >> she did.  He seems fairly harmless for the time being and she's so far
>> >> been successful in just ignoring him or not giving information, and
>> >> she certainly made it known that she does not return the liking he
>> >> says he has for her, but I still am creeped out a bit by the pattern
>> >> of going after blind chicks.  Obviously I haven't given him any
>> >> information and have mostly ignored his messages he's been sending me,
>> >> but I'm a little hesitant to just block him because he'll probably
>> >> show up to the club meetings now that he knows about them.
>> >>
>> >> I've been advised by a male friend of mine to just tell him to back
>> >> off and leave me alone, but I'll admit that as a woman who is fairly
>> >> identifyable as the only one with a cane and who is unable to see him
>> >> coming I don't know if that is the best approach or not.  He hasn't
>> >> done anything at this point that is reportable, so I don't quite know
>> >> what the best approach would be.  I am pretty creeped out how he
>> >> targets disabled women and blind women in particular now, but that
>> >> isn't a crime in and of itself.  Thankfully I had class the time when
>> >> he showed up to our table hours for our awareness week on campus, and
>> >> he didn't show up to the described movie night we just had like he
>> >> said he was going to.  I usually have chapter meetings for another
>> >> organization directly after the club meetings so I do have an excuse
>> >> to leave club by a certain time, but I'm not thrilled by the idea of
>> >> this dude showing up and being weird with my friend and I while we're
>> >> trying to get work done, or meeting me in person and making it harder
>> >> for him to miss me when I'm going about my business on campus.
>> >>
>> >> Don't get me wrong---I totally have ignored creepy online people
>> >> before in the few instances where they have sent me strange facebook
>> >> chats or what have you, but the fact that this is a sighted dude on my
>> >> campus who is going after a specific disability is really creepy to me
>> >> and I do not feel comfortable about it.  Advice?  Also, I do
>> >> understand that this topic kind of verges on adult conversations, but
>> >> please keep your responses G or PG as I do not intend to break any
>> >> list guidelines and nothing grossly inappropriate has happened here.
>> >>
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>>
>>
>> --
>> Joshua Lester
>> Blessings to you in the name of Jesus Christ
>> "Then Peter said unto them repent and be baptized everyone of you in
>> the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and ye shall
>> receive the gift of the Holy Ghost," (Acts, 2:38.)
>>
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-- 
Kaiti Shelton
University of Dayton-Music Therapy
President, Ohio Association of Blind Students 2013-Present
Secretary, The National Federation of the Blind Performing Arts
Division 2015-2016

"You can live the life you want; blindness is not what holds you back!"