[nagdu] family arguments about the dog

[Pickrell, Rebecca M (IS)]

Alison, 
It isn't clear to me if your brother is yanking your chain or is
engaging in a power struggle. Only you know that. 
I have a couple suggestions along with what everybody else has said. 
1. Read Gavin Debecker's book Protecting The Gift. It has a chapter on
how to deal with people who persist in behavior that needs to stop and
that needs to stop now. Good reading and will give you tools in how to
engage with these people. And, you will encounter them in all aspects of
your life not just with Gilbert. 
2. Keep Gilbert on a leash. 
3. Suggest your brother volenteer at an animal shelter, if he loves dogs
as much as he claims, he should be happy to volenteer. 
4. Talk with your parents about what "supporting you" means. Are they
willing/able to get through to your brother? 
5. Decide now if giving in is what you want to do. If you don't have a
firm stance on this issue, don't be surprised that your brother keeps
pushing. 
6. Whatever you do is up to you. None of us have to like it, only you
do. 
 

-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Allison Nastoff
Sent: Saturday, June 20, 2009 3:57 PM
To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
Subject: Re: [nagdu] family arguments about the dog

Thank you so much for your support and advice about this issue.  
I really like the idea of sending my brother an e-mail before his next
visit.  I never thought of that before, but I have found that in the
past, I can express my thoughts better in writing than I do in speaking,
especially in frustrating situations.  My parents also support my
decision not to let anyone, even my brother give him treats, so I will
ask for their continued assistance.  And thank you Meghan for suggesting
that I keep Gilbert on leash when my brother comes.  The possibility of
someone pretending to give in, but then sneaking the dog a treat is
something that never occured to me, but I wouldn't put it past my
brother.  I might also suggest that if my brother so desperately wants
to spoil a dog, he could get his own dog (smile).  Thanks again for all
of your advice.
Allison and Gilbert

> ----- Original Message -----
>From: Allison Nastoff <anastoff at wi.rr.com
>To: nagdu at nfbnet.org
>Date sent: Fri, 19 Jun 2009 21:43:53 -0500
>Subject: [nagdu] family arguments about the dog

>Hi List,
>I consider myself a pretty easygoing person with regard to people 
>interacting with Gilbert, but one thing that I am absolutely adamant 
>about is making sure that Gilbert is not given any table scraps or 
>treats without my permission because I don't want him to start begging 
>the way the pet dogs I grew up with did, not to mention keeping him 
>healthy.
>The dog trainer told me that he usually gave Gilbert only one treat 
>each day just before going to bed, a ritual which I have continued.  I 
>will make exceptions of course, like when he goes to the vet or the 
>groomer, but generally he only gets one milk bone treat a day, and 
>absolutely no table scraps besides the crumbs that inadvertently fall 
>on the floor.  My parents respect my feelings on this matter.  My 
>friends in the college dorm respect my feelings on this issue.  My 
>brother does not.
>My brother is in college and lives in his own apartment.  But when he 
>comes home for dinner occasionally, it is always the same argument.
>Brother: "Gilbert, do you want some chicken?"
>me: "No, Gilbert can not have table scraps."
>Brother: COME on, why not? Dogs love chicken!"
>Me: Of course they love chicken, but I want to keep Gilbert healthy, 
>and since he is a guide dog, I do not want him to come to expect table 
>scraps, and then he will start begging."
>Brother: All right, I am giving him a milk bone then." (He gets up, 
>walks to the pantry, pulls out the container of milk bones and shakes 
>it).  "Gilbert, you want a treat?"
>Me (standing up and shouting now): "No! Do not give him a treat!"
>Brother: Come on! What is the harm in letting him have one milk bone?"
>Me: "There is no harm, but he is my guide dog, so I would like to 
>decide when he gets treats, and I do not want him to have a treat right

>now! He will get a treat before bed!"
>He grudgingly put the treats back and dropped the subject, but I am 
>sure we will have the same argument again next time he comes.
>So I was wondering:
>1.  Does anyone have similar arguments with family members over their 
>dogs?
>2.  Is there a better way I could handle this kind of situation?
>and
>3.  Am I being overly anal? My brother does not come that often, so 
>should I just let my brother indulge Gilbert and give him a treat?
>I am interested in hearing your thoughts on this subject.
>Allison and Gilbert

>_______________________________________________
>nagdu mailing list
>nagdu at nfbnet.org
>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nagdu_nfbnet.org
>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info
for nagdu:
>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nagdu_nfbnet.org/anastoff%4
0wi.rr.com

_______________________________________________
nagdu mailing list
nagdu at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nagdu_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
nagdu:
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nagdu_nfbnet.org/rebecca.pickrell%
40ngc.com