[nagdu] How to say goodbye

[Meghan Whalen]

As I get ready to leave for class at TSE on Monday, I am cherishing 
every moment with my Dayton boy. From 12 weeks, I have been his 
constant, and he has been
mine. I am the one who curled up with him on the floor so he could fall 
asleep listening to my heartbeat when he was missing his litter mates 
and his mom.
I am the one who taught him sit, come, stay, lay nicely under the table, 
don't pick things up off the ground and I am always here.

Soon, though, both of our worlds will change, forever. He has become dog 
aggressive. I thought it was only while he was working, but yesterday, 
he started
to act aggressively towards the other dogs in my home. I have come to 
the realization that for the safety of my other dogs and my guide who I 
will meet
sometime next week, I need to find him a home where he can still be the 
center of someone's world. It is true that he has always shared me with 
others,
but as my guide, for hours of every day, he was the only dog. He came to 
work while everyone else stayed home etc etc. You all know what I mean, 
I think.
I don't think he can cope well with the downgrade to pet. I don't think 
he can adjust to having to share me most of the time.

We just finished a 35 minute session of fetch out in my driveway, and I 
kept thinking, "This may be the last time I ever throw a ball for 
him."...so I
kept throwing it one more time. I don't know when the last hug, the last 
gentle lick or the last snuggle will happen, because I don't know when 
that perfect
home will be found. I do know that there is a good chance I will never 
see him again after this Sunday when he leaves to stay with a trusted 
friend and
colleague. No one can love my boy like I do, but I hope they can do just 
as well, in their own way. He just turned three on the eleventh of this 
month,
so he has a lot of life and joy ahead of him.

He has been attacked four different times since I got him. The last time 
was the only one that left physical damage. The build up of time and 
time again
has taught him not to trust other dogs, and who could blame a guy? I am 
so very proud of all he learned with me. From traffic training to 
platform refusal,
he has aced everything I have thrown at him. He is a superhero, but he 
has just been scared and hurt one too many times to keep us both safe 
anymore. I
am devastated, and I hope he finds happiness and fulfillment wherever he 
ends up calling home.

Thank you for reading, it helps to know I am not alone in my pain.
Meghan