[nagdu] How to say goodbye

[Hannah Chadwick]

Meghan,
I am so so very sorry to hear this devasting news! Your post 
brought tears to my eyes, and I can only say that I understand 
what you are going through.  It is never easy to retire a guide, 
especially at such a young age, when there is so much life left 
for you both to experience.  I hope that your next dog will be 
just as amazing!
All the best, Hannah

 ----- Original Message -----
From: Meghan Whalen <mewhalen at gmail.com
To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog 
Users" <nagdu at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Wed, 27 Mar 2013 17:06:06 -0500
Subject: [nagdu] How to say goodbye

As I get ready to leave for class at TSE on Monday, I am 
cherishing
every moment with my Dayton boy.  From 12 weeks, I have been his
constant, and he has been
mine.  I am the one who curled up with him on the floor so he 
could fall
asleep listening to my heartbeat when he was missing his litter 
mates
and his mom.
I am the one who taught him sit, come, stay, lay nicely under the 
table,
don't pick things up off the ground and I am always here.

Soon, though, both of our worlds will change, forever.  He has 
become dog
aggressive.  I thought it was only while he was working, but 
yesterday,
he started
to act aggressively towards the other dogs in my home.  I have 
come to
the realization that for the safety of my other dogs and my guide 
who I
will meet
sometime next week, I need to find him a home where he can still 
be the
center of someone's world.  It is true that he has always shared 
me with
others,
but as my guide, for hours of every day, he was the only dog.  He 
came to
work while everyone else stayed home etc etc.  You all know what 
I mean,
I think.
I don't think he can cope well with the downgrade to pet.  I 
don't think
he can adjust to having to share me most of the time.

We just finished a 35 minute session of fetch out in my driveway, 
and I
kept thinking, "This may be the last time I ever throw a ball for
him."...so I
kept throwing it one more time.  I don't know when the last hug, 
the last
gentle lick or the last snuggle will happen, because I don't know 
when
that perfect
home will be found.  I do know that there is a good chance I will 
never
see him again after this Sunday when he leaves to stay with a 
trusted
friend and
colleague.  No one can love my boy like I do, but I hope they can 
do just
as well, in their own way.  He just turned three on the eleventh 
of this
month,
so he has a lot of life and joy ahead of him.

He has been attacked four different times since I got him.  The 
last time
was the only one that left physical damage.  The build up of time 
and
time again
has taught him not to trust other dogs, and who could blame a 
guy? I am
so very proud of all he learned with me.  From traffic training 
to
platform refusal,
he has aced everything I have thrown at him.  He is a superhero, 
but he
has just been scared and hurt one too many times to keep us both 
safe
anymore.  I
am devastated, and I hope he finds happiness and fulfillment 
wherever he
ends up calling home.

Thank you for reading, it helps to know I am not alone in my 
pain.
Meghan


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