[nfb-talk] So very proud

Star Gazer pickrellrebecca at gmail.com
Tue Sep 27 16:57:31 UTC 2016 

				Just deal with it in a way that makes sense
for you. 

-----Original Message-----
From: nfb-talk [mailto:nfb-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of John Heim
via nfb-talk
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2016 12:33 PM
To: NFB Talk Mailing List <nfb-talk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: John Heim <john at johnheim.net>
Subject: Re: [nfb-talk] So very proud

To be clear, I am almost never rude to people who offer to help me. But I am
not entirely sure that's a good thing. Are we ethically obligated to grin
and bear this patronizing attitude from the general public? Are we doing
society a favor by letting that slide? Maybe the world is an ever so
slightly better place for that guy knowing he shouldn't just assume a blind
person needs help.  Maybe he'll give it a little more thought next time.


There is no way to explain to someone that they shouldn't assume a blind
person, standing at a bus stop, minding their own business, does not need
help -- not without causing offense. I defy anyone to come up with a
sentence that would not be taken badly in that situation. You need to tell
people that they are assuming you need help entirely because you're blind
and that that's just not right. They have to think that through before
they'll accept it. A sentence or two won't do it.


The truth is that I might be more blunt with people who offer unsolicited
help if I didn't feel a strong obligation to the blind community as a whole.
If it was just me, I'd tell people to mind their own business all the time.
Personally, I'd rather people think I was a jerk than think I needed help.
Part of the reason I feel that way is that, in fact, I don't need help and
they should mind their own business. That's just the truth. But I don't feel
that I have the right to decide how to deal with that  on behalf of blind
people as a whole.





On 09/27/2016 11:04 AM, Marianne - Haas via nfb-talk wrote:
> Good Morning,
> I definitely understand your frustration about people.  I get mad many 
> times.  However, I am learning to be nice, but firm.  I say things like:
> Thank you, but I do not need assistance.  I get really angry if people 
> bump into me because they are busy with their electronic gadgets.  I 
> get mad, because I get startled and have gotten hurt.  Not long ago I 
> said: Watch it, A.... H.... Now I graduated to saying: Hey watch it.  
> If I have the chance I will apologize and tell people that it startles me
if people run into me.
> Many people have apologized.  I am telling you what I am doing and do 
> in no way want  to preach to you.
>
> Marianne
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nfb-talk [mailto:nfb-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of John 
> Heim via nfb-talk
> Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2016 8:41 AM
> To: NFB Talk Mailing List
> Cc: John Heim
> Subject: Re: [nfb-talk] So very proud
>
> Well, I wouldn't blame Dining In the Dark for that. But, yeah, it's a 
> problem. I was rude to someone just yesterday evening. I had stopped 
> at the grocery store on the way home from work and was standing at the 
> bus stop when a guy came up to me and asked if I was okay. I knew what 
> he meant right away, of course. But why the f**k would some stranger 
> think a blind guy standing at a bus stop needs help? I wasn't that 
> rude. I just said, "Why would you think I'm not okay?" He gave some 
> vague reply about not knowing what I was doing to wich I responded -- 
> with the incredulity obvious in my voice, "I'm waiting for a bus!"  Then
*he* got mad.
>
>
> That is just so irritating.
>
>
> After he left, I was a little angry at myself for not being more polite.
> But after rethinking it, I almost wish I had kicked his ass. I could 
> see myself in front of a judge saying, "Your honor, you just have no 
> idea what it's like."
>
>
> [This is tongue-in-cheek, of course. I am the most non-violent person 
> in the world. I'd never actually hit anybody. I'm just trying to 
> convey how frustrating this is.]
>
> On 09/26/2016 04:42 PM, Peter Donahue via nfb-talk wrote:
>> Good afternoon John and everyone,
>>
>>      Then left the event and probably told a blind person needing 
>> occasional hands on deck for reading mail and other tasks that they 
>> had no business living alone, that their neighborhood was unsafe, and 
>> they should live in assistive living facility. That happened to Mary 
>> and I last week. The individual that told us this is a member of one 
>> of the largest churches in San Antonio, 20,000 members including us 
>> to be exact. I thought that these days the goal is to help those able 
>> to live independently stay in their home. This church has more than 
>> enough able-bodied members that could assist us with grocery 
>> shopping, reading mail, etc. We offered to give some of them gas 
>> money for rides too and from church so we could attend services 
>> regularly. All they said was "Don't worry about it." Due to problems 
>> with public transportation we ceased attending church regularly.
>>
>>      This particular church plans to establish what it calls its 
>> Sanctuary of Hope. One of it's missions is to be an alternative to 
>> Planned Parenthood which will assist unwed mothers with learning to 
>> care for their babies when they're borne, finishing their education, 
>> finding employment, and helping them get on their feet. Given their 
>> attitude towards helping the blind members of their congragation God 
>> help any unwed blind mothers who may seek help from the Sanctuary of 
>> Hope when it begins operation unless this outfit has a serious change 
>> of attitude! Here is a classic case of why the antics of outfits like 
>> the Foundation for Fighting Blindness need to be stopped and 
>> organizations like the NFB avoid engaging in similar activities.
>> Several Dining-in-the-Dark events were hosted by the Texas Affiliate 
>> until a resolution was passed in 2011 condemning these events and 
>> forbidding NFB affiliates from engaging in them. Mary and I were 
>> there when the resolution was adopted.
>>
>> Peter Donahue
>>
>> John Heim via nfb-talk wrote:
>>> I'm not surprised that the NFB has come out against this.
>>>
>>> It's kind of an odd choice by the FFB. I was once a waiter at an FFB 
>>> Dining In the Dark event. That was a blast, by the way. I had a 
>>> great time. I was going around making fun of the people at my table 
>>> for not even being able to stuff food in their mouths. They took it 
>>> really well and pretty soon they were all actually trying instead of 
>>> being deliberately helpless. I went up to the guy who was most into 
>>> it and pretended to pour him a glass of champaign, making a popping 
>>> sound effect with my mouth. He played right along and the woman on the
>>> other side of him actually asked for a glass too.   It was hilarious
>>> and the whole night was just a blast.
>>>
>>>
>>> Even so, I'm not sure I'd do it again. A couple of things bothered 
>>> me. First, in the after party, a lot of people seemed to think I 
>>> really was a waitor.  I'm like, "No, I manage the research computers 
>>> for the math department at the University of Wisconsin. I'm just 
>>> doing this to raise money for the FFB." Admittedly, it's a little 
>>> egotistical for that to bother me. I was a little insulted to think 
>>> that people didn't assume I had a real job. The second thing was 
>>> that a hefty percentage of the people, even those at my table, 
>>> remained unconvinced. I pointed out that with a little effort, they 
>>> had figured out how to feed themselves and I had had no problems 
>>> serving as their waitor. You get used to it, right? But they weren't 
>>> really buying it. Maybe a little. I'm not sure I did any good. Hard to
say.
>>>
>>>
>>> Actually, this is a thing that has puzzled me for years. I have 
>>> friends who still think being blind is absolutely horrible -- except 
>>> for for me. When I point out that I am doing fine, better than they 
>>> are in some cases, they don't think that is proof that being blind 
>>> isn't so bad. They think I'm some kind of special case or something.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> On 09/26/2016 11:53 AM, Devin Prater via nfb-talk wrote:
>>>> Oh yes, I was nicely surprised when the NFB stood against that.
>>>>
>>>> Devin Pratersent from Gmail.
>>>>
>>>> On Mon, Sep 26, 2016 at 11:49 AM, beth.wright--- via nfb-talk < 
>>>> nfb-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> Hi, fellow listers.
>>>>>
>>>>> Just wanted to say how very proud I am of the NFB for taking a 
>>>>> courageous stand against this misguided blindfold challenge 
>>>>> campaign by the Foundation Fighting Blindness. I've been a 
>>>>> Federationist for over forty years, been on the PAC plan for a 
>>>>> long time, and thus made a donation online. I encourage others to 
>>>>> do the same. Now is the time to stand up and be counted.
>>>>>
>>>>> Beth Wright
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
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> --
> John Heim
> john at johnheim.com
>
>
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--
John Heim
john at johnheim.com


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