[nfb-talk] So very proud

Tue Sep 27 22:47:32 UTC 2016

I think as I have gotten older, I have just stopped trying to educate 
people. I know that's a bit sad, but I found some years back, that most 
people don't want to know. They aren't going to change their view because I, 
Kaye, talked to them for 10 minutes. So eventually, I just stopped. I try to 
be polite. I use the usual lines, "No thanks, I'm good," or "I think I've 
got it, but thanks for asking," but in the end they will still think I am 
rude because I didn't allow them to help, or I pulled my arm out of 
someone's hand. I decided to basically just let people think what they want 
and continue with my own life.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "John Heim via nfb-talk" <nfb-talk at nfbnet.org>
To: "NFB Talk Mailing List" <nfb-talk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: "John Heim" <john at johnheim.net>
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2016 12:33 PM
Subject: Re: [nfb-talk] So very proud

> To be clear, I am almost never rude to people who offer to help me. But I 
> am not entirely sure that's a good thing. Are we ethically obligated to 
> grin and bear this patronizing attitude from the general public? Are we 
> doing society a favor by letting that slide? Maybe the world is an ever so 
> slightly better place for that guy knowing he shouldn't just assume a 
> blind person needs help.  Maybe he'll give it a little more thought next 
> time.
>
>
> There is no way to explain to someone that they shouldn't assume a blind 
> person, standing at a bus stop, minding their own business, does not need 
> help -- not without causing offense. I defy anyone to come up with a 
> sentence that would not be taken badly in that situation. You need to tell 
> people that they are assuming you need help entirely because you're blind 
> and that that's just not right. They have to think that through before 
> they'll accept it. A sentence or two won't do it.
>
>
> The truth is that I might be more blunt with people who offer unsolicited 
> help if I didn't feel a strong obligation to the blind community as a 
> whole. If it was just me, I'd tell people to mind their own business all 
> the time. Personally, I'd rather people think I was a jerk than think I 
> needed help. Part of the reason I feel that way is that, in fact, I don't 
> need help and they should mind their own business. That's just the truth. 
> But I don't feel that I have the right to decide how to deal with that  on 
> behalf of blind people as a whole.
>
>
>
>
>
> On 09/27/2016 11:04 AM, Marianne - Haas via nfb-talk wrote:
>> Good Morning,
>> I definitely understand your frustration about people.  I get mad many
>> times.  However, I am learning to be nice, but firm.  I say things like:
>> Thank you, but I do not need assistance.  I get really angry if people 
>> bump
>> into me because they are busy with their electronic gadgets.  I get mad,
>> because I get startled and have gotten hurt.  Not long ago I said: Watch 
>> it,
>> A.... H.... Now I graduated to saying: Hey watch it.  If I have the 
>> chance I
>> will apologize and tell people that it startles me if people run into me.
>> Many people have apologized.  I am telling you what I am doing and do in 
>> no
>> way want  to preach to you.
>>
>> Marianne
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nfb-talk [mailto:nfb-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of John 
>> Heim
>> via nfb-talk
>> Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2016 8:41 AM
>> To: NFB Talk Mailing List
>> Cc: John Heim
>> Subject: Re: [nfb-talk] So very proud
>>
>> Well, I wouldn't blame Dining In the Dark for that. But, yeah, it's a
>> problem. I was rude to someone just yesterday evening. I had stopped at 
>> the
>> grocery store on the way home from work and was standing at the bus stop
>> when a guy came up to me and asked if I was okay. I knew what he meant 
>> right
>> away, of course. But why the f**k would some stranger think a blind guy
>> standing at a bus stop needs help? I wasn't that rude. I just said, "Why
>> would you think I'm not okay?" He gave some vague reply about not knowing
>> what I was doing to wich I responded -- with the incredulity obvious in 
>> my
>> voice, "I'm waiting for a bus!"  Then *he* got mad.
>>
>>
>> That is just so irritating.
>>
>>
>> After he left, I was a little angry at myself for not being more polite.
>> But after rethinking it, I almost wish I had kicked his ass. I could see
>> myself in front of a judge saying, "Your honor, you just have no idea 
>> what
>> it's like."
>>
>>
>> [This is tongue-in-cheek, of course. I am the most non-violent person in 
>> the
>> world. I'd never actually hit anybody. I'm just trying to convey how
>> frustrating this is.]
>>
>> On 09/26/2016 04:42 PM, Peter Donahue via nfb-talk wrote:
>>> Good afternoon John and everyone,
>>>
>>>      Then left the event and probably told a blind person needing
>>> occasional hands on deck for reading mail and other tasks that they
>>> had no business living alone, that their neighborhood was unsafe, and
>>> they should live in assistive living facility. That happened to Mary
>>> and I last week. The individual that told us this is a member of one
>>> of the largest churches in San Antonio, 20,000 members including us to
>>> be exact. I thought that these days the goal is to help those able to
>>> live independently stay in their home. This church has more than
>>> enough able-bodied members that could assist us with grocery shopping,
>>> reading mail, etc. We offered to give some of them gas money for rides
>>> too and from church so we could attend services regularly. All they
>>> said was "Don't worry about it." Due to problems with public
>>> transportation we ceased attending church regularly.
>>>
>>>      This particular church plans to establish what it calls its
>>> Sanctuary of Hope. One of it's missions is to be an alternative to
>>> Planned Parenthood which will assist unwed mothers with learning to
>>> care for their babies when they're borne, finishing their education,
>>> finding employment, and helping them get on their feet. Given their
>>> attitude towards helping the blind members of their congragation God
>>> help any unwed blind mothers who may seek help from the Sanctuary of
>>> Hope when it begins operation unless this outfit has a serious change
>>> of attitude! Here is a classic case of why the antics of outfits like
>>> the Foundation for Fighting Blindness need to be stopped and
>>> organizations like the NFB avoid engaging in similar activities.
>>> Several Dining-in-the-Dark events were hosted by the Texas Affiliate
>>> until a resolution was passed in 2011 condemning these events and
>>> forbidding NFB affiliates from engaging in them. Mary and I were there
>>> when the resolution was adopted.
>>>
>>> Peter Donahue
>>>
>>> John Heim via nfb-talk wrote:
>>>> I'm not surprised that the NFB has come out against this.
>>>>
>>>> It's kind of an odd choice by the FFB. I was once a waiter at an FFB
>>>> Dining In the Dark event. That was a blast, by the way. I had a great
>>>> time. I was going around making fun of the people at my table for not
>>>> even being able to stuff food in their mouths. They took it really
>>>> well and pretty soon they were all actually trying instead of being
>>>> deliberately helpless. I went up to the guy who was most into it and
>>>> pretended to pour him a glass of champaign, making a popping sound
>>>> effect with my mouth. He played right along and the woman on the
>>>> other side of him actually asked for a glass too.   It was hilarious
>>>> and the whole night was just a blast.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Even so, I'm not sure I'd do it again. A couple of things bothered
>>>> me. First, in the after party, a lot of people seemed to think I
>>>> really was a waitor.  I'm like, "No, I manage the research computers
>>>> for the math department at the University of Wisconsin. I'm just
>>>> doing this to raise money for the FFB." Admittedly, it's a little
>>>> egotistical for that to bother me. I was a little insulted to think
>>>> that people didn't assume I had a real job. The second thing was that
>>>> a hefty percentage of the people, even those at my table, remained
>>>> unconvinced. I pointed out that with a little effort, they had
>>>> figured out how to feed themselves and I had had no problems serving
>>>> as their waitor. You get used to it, right? But they weren't really
>>>> buying it. Maybe a little. I'm not sure I did any good. Hard to say.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Actually, this is a thing that has puzzled me for years. I have
>>>> friends who still think being blind is absolutely horrible -- except
>>>> for for me. When I point out that I am doing fine, better than they
>>>> are in some cases, they don't think that is proof that being blind
>>>> isn't so bad. They think I'm some kind of special case or something.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On 09/26/2016 11:53 AM, Devin Prater via nfb-talk wrote:
>>>>> Oh yes, I was nicely surprised when the NFB stood against that.
>>>>>
>>>>> Devin Pratersent from Gmail.
>>>>>
>>>>> On Mon, Sep 26, 2016 at 11:49 AM, beth.wright--- via nfb-talk <
>>>>> nfb-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> Hi, fellow listers.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Just wanted to say how very proud I am of the NFB for taking a
>>>>>> courageous stand against this misguided blindfold challenge
>>>>>> campaign by the Foundation Fighting Blindness. I've been a
>>>>>> Federationist for over forty years, been on the PAC plan for a long
>>>>>> time, and thus made a donation online. I encourage others to do the
>>>>>> same. Now is the time to stand up and be counted.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Beth Wright
>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>
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>> --
>> John Heim
>> john at johnheim.com
>>
>>
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>
> -- 
> John Heim
> john at johnheim.com
>
>
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