[Nfbf-l] When Staring Hurts

[Alan Dicey]

Dear friends,
Perhaps you will agree with me, this is even true when we can't see them 
staring, but we feel their eyes on us, or hear their murmuring among 
themselves.
With Best Regards,
God Bless,
Alan
Plantation, Florida

When Staring Hurts
By Rosalie Ferrer Kramer
Be curious, not judgmental.
~Walt Whitman
Once upon a time, whenever I was out with my children - Iris, Marc and 
Danny - strangers stared at them and told them how attractive they were. But 
that was before my Marc and Danny became wheelchair bound due to muscular 
dystrophy. Then, going anywhere with the boys led to a different kind of 
staring.

It's sad that even in these times, when people are supposed to know better, 
my boys still get stared at. A quick glance would be one thing, but the 
veiled look, the pointing, or the unabashed, open-mouthed gawking is 
difficult to bear.
Watching us enter a restaurant is quite a sight and we get lots of stares.
We charge in with our electric wheelchairs, we make adjustments to the 
table, we cut the boys' food, and they wear splints on their wrists so they 
can hold their forks. The boys like to go out to eat so we decided to do 
something about the staring. Here's what we do - we stare back.

However, just getting into a restaurant can be a problem. One time Marc 
wanted to go to the new Big Boy restaurant for his birthday. The eateries 
were being furiously advertised on television with the big Elias Brother's 
chubby Big Boy, in the red and white checkered outfit, going around and 
around on a thirty-foot pole beckoning to one and all. Watching that 
commercial caused Marc to think that he was being personally invited. So I 
wasn't surprised when he said that he wanted to go there for his birthday.

First I called the Big Boy to make sure our group of seven, including 
grandma and our aide could be seated there. I explained the situation to the 
manager but he said, "We don't take reservations."
I was dumbfounded so I explained, "Well I just didn't want to cause a 
sensation, and I thought you could put us in that quiet corner in the back 
where you have the super big booth. There will be seven people, two in 
wheelchairs."
"I told you lady..."
>Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Positive for Kids
" Mister, this is a special situation."
He hung up.
I put the phone down and called the corporate offices of Elias Brothers who 
owned the Big Boy franchise. As an advocate for the disabled, one must be 
prepared to ask for help. Mr. Elias listened to me without interrupting. 
When I paused for a breath he said, "Mrs. Kramer, you just call me anytime 
you want to go to any Big Boy, and a table will be reserved for you and your 
party whether is it seven people or twenty-five."

We went, as quietly as possible, to the Big Boy near our home. The manager 
greeted us at the door bowing and walking backwards, like a maitre d' in a 
fancy restaurant. Every eye in the place was on us, but our son was very 
happy. He said with a grin, "Let's do our thing, Mom."
"Okay Marc, who seems like the prime culprit to you?"
"I see a kid in a red hat. Even his mom is staring; they're being very rude. 
And that busboy is standing stone cold still just looking and looking."
We stared away and it worked, as always. Sometimes everyone laughs - the 
starers and the starees. It breaks the ice and shows people around us that 
we are just a regular family with a few problems.
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