[blindkid] Identify yourself please

Steve Jacobson steve.jacobson at visi.com
Sat Nov 22 20:02:05 UTC 2008


Sighted people see faces of people they don't know well more often than we hear the voices of those people.  
Therefore, I believe that the situation of talking to someone who at least sort of knows us but whom we don't recognize 
happens more often to us than to sighted people.  Nevertheless, I think there are some parallels.  I have been with 
sighted people who have noted that someone waved at them or honked at them when driving who looked familiar but 
whose name wouldn't come to mind.  They have to decide whether or not to reveal their lack of knowledge or not.  It is 
unlikely that the same approach is going to be taken by all sighted people or even in all situations.  I agree with the 
author of an earlier message who was uncomfortable with the blind person making a whole room of people identify 
themselves.  I do not personally think we gain in the long run conveying to sighted people that there are strict rules to 
follow when talking to us becaust strict rules imply that they might do something wrong causing them to back away.  
Particularly when someone is comfortable with a blind person, they are less likely to think about doing things differently.  
I've had people I know honk at me, for example.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I rarely can identify a person by 
their honk.  It doesn't seem to me that it is fair to expect that everybody identifies themselves when talking to us, nor is it 
always important to me to know immediately.  This is simply one of those cases where the individual's personality and the 
situation will dictate what response is in order.  Most of us will simply develop methods of dealing with these situations 
over time.  What I think is important is to realize that we are wrong to think this never, ever happens to sighted people, 
even though it probably happens less.

On Sat, 22 Nov 2008 09:09:19 -0500, Bonnie Lucas wrote:

>that's cool! I think I'll try that one next time.
>Bonnie
>----- Original Message ----- 
>From: "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com>
>To: "NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)" 
><blindkid at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Saturday, November 22, 2008 12:24 AM
>Subject: Re: [blindkid] Identify yourself please


>I agree that the guessing game is rude. However, I contend that people
>play this game because they are uncomfortable around a blind person and
>can't think what else to say or do. Whatever the outcome, it doesn't
>threaten his/her (the person who wants the blind person to guess who
>s/he is) paradigm of blindness and the person is vindicated and doesnt'
>have to confront his/her prejudices regarding the blind: if the blind
>person doesn't guess correctly, he/she is deemed at the least awkward
>and at most stupid. If the blind person guesses correctly, he/she is
>deemed miraculous for having rememberd.

>It strikes me that the simple answer to the "guess who I am!" gambit
>would be to ask: "Why? Haven't you figured out who you are yet?" That
>oughtta stop 'em dead in their tracks! (grin)

>Mike

>----- Original Message ----- 
>From: "kala hjelle" <khjelle at hotmail.com>
>To: "blindkid list" <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 5:17 PM
>Subject: Re: [blindkid] Identify yourself please



>Not sure if you are directing that at me or not, but I absolutely don't
>scorn her for being inquisitive and wanting to know who she is talking
>to-- I feel the exact opposite and think it is great that she feels
>confident enough to ask for their name... I just feel it is rude of
>people to make her guess after she has specifically asked them who they
>are.

>kala
>> From: kah-az at cox.net> To: blindkid at nfbnet.org> Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2008
>> 17:40:41 -0700> Subject: Re: [blindkid] Identify yourself please> >
>> I'm going to add my 2-cents to all the other comments made. I've heard
>> all > kinds of blind people, in ALL kinds of situations, at all kinds
>> of > places....and they've all handled it about the same. It's either
>> by asking > the person's name, or saying, "who's this?"...or "who's
>> that?" It's pretty > simple, but it takes all kinds of personalities
>> to pick what is right for > them. I know I wouldn't want to have
>> someone say "Guess who?" at all, nor > would I like to try to figure
>> out who was behind a door all the time. But > please don't scorn your
>> child for being inquisitive enough to want to know > exactly who that
>> person is....whether he's familiar with that person or not. > I've
>> often said myself, "I'm sorry, but what is your name?" to people I >
>> don't know, and I'm sighted.> > One issue that is totally different
>> here is if someone is talking to your > child through you. At a
>> restaurant, maybe a waiter asks you what your child > wants, instead
>> of asking them. Or a teacher directly asks you about a way > that is
>> best for him to get around, rather than asking HIM. That is >
>> something you may have to get involved with until your child is old
>> enough > to handle these situations best. I know it still happens that
>> when I'm with > my daughter, someone will answer ME instead of
>> answering HER. She'll often > respond as I've learned to just let THEM
>> feel uncomfortable for a minute > rather than she or I feeling
>> awkward. And....they eventually get it, and > direct their questions
>> or comments then directly to her. And my daughter is > a grown up
>> woman, not a child. So, it's never to early to start that lesson > in
>> having your child definitely speak up...ask who they're talking to,
>> and > if they're feeling ignored, make a 2nd. attempt at expressing
>> their > issues.....it might not change the waiters of the world, but
>> it'll give them > more self-esteem.> > Kathy> President> POBC - AZ> >
>>  > > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "kala hjelle"
>> <khjelle at hotmail.com>> To: "blindkid list" <blindkid at nfbnet.org>>
>> Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 8:13 AM> Subject: Re: [blindkid]
>> Identify yourself please> > > >> > I only have a few seconds to write,
>> but wanted to add a question quick > > that ties into this one...> >>
>>  > SO many people that Lily (8 years old) has met before (some only
>> once or > > twice) come up to her and say hi. If she doesn't know who
>> it is, she very > > politely says "hi! What's your name?" Sometimes
>> they tell her right away, > > but sometimes they do something that
>> irritates me to no end and I don't > > know how to ask them in a
>> polite way to stop or explain to them why I > > don't like it.> >> >
>> People who don't know her very well think she is amazing and they love
>>  > > that she can remember voices well. It makes them feel good if they
>> say > > hi, and she knows who they are. So if she doesn't know right
>> away and > > asks what their name is, they will say something like
>> "You know me, Lily, > > listen to my voice and try to guess..."> >> >
>> I HATE THIS! What if every time you started talking to someone you had
>> to > > guess who they were?!?> > How have other people handled this
>> one?? I need some suggestions. I have > > said things in the past to
>> people about it, and about not treating her > > like she is a baby, or
>> like she is AMAZING just because she can do the > > simplest little
>> things, (which feels so insulting to me becasue she can do > > so much
>> more that they have no idea about) etc. and about countless other > >
>> things, but I always get a look back like I am such a mean mom or just
>> a > > rude person in general. Does this just come with the territory
>> of being a > > parent of a blind child? Help please :)> >> > Sorry for
>> the spelling and grammar errors...I have to go, but wanted to > >
>> quick get this in.> > kala> >> >> >> From: carrie.gilmer at gmail.com>
>> To: blindkid at nfbnet.org> Date: Fri, 21 Nov > >> 2008 08:45:28 -0600>
>> Subject: [blindkid] Identify yourself please> > Hi > >> All,
>> Especially to our blind colleagues and friends.> > > > I have one > >>
>> thing with Jordan that has improved but still is an "issue". I> think
>> it > >> bugs me way more than him, and likely that is why it is still
>> an> > >> "issue".> > > > Jordan often does not ask people to identify
>> themselves. > >> It is one thing,> and understandable to me, when he
>> is in the very > >> crowded school hallways and> some voice calls out,
>> "hey Jordan!" in a > >> passing greeting and he simply> calls back
>> hey-but has no idea who that > >> hey came from and to not yell out
>> in> a crowd "hey who are you?",> > > > > >> But there are many times.>
>>  > At the state fair, in a store, even at a > >> lunch room table!,
>> where he THINKS> he is talking to one person and > >> discovers
>> mid-conversation that is not who> he is talking with (and never > >>
>> says anything or finds in the end who it was),> or we walk away from
>> the > >> teen working the register or who has come up in> Best Buy and
>> said > >> "hello" and I ask "Who was that?" and he says I have no>
>> idea. I know > >> that sometimes because he is one of 3,000 at
>> school-and> because he has > >> the one and only thing, a lot more
>> people know who he is than> vice versa > >> and sometimes he really
>> doesn't know who they are, but not> uncommonly it > >> is evident the
>> kid who is greeting him, he should know, but he> doesn't > >> ask. I
>> know that sometimes he thinks it is rude, if the other kid> thinks >
>>  >> Jordan should know who they are.the same way if I forget someone's>
>> name > >> and I should definitely know it, and I am thinking how can I
>> ask> without > >> offending?...But many times he is just too "shy"
>> about it. I have> seen > >> on the student list before threads where
>> lots of kids are somewhat> > >> uncomfortable with this one. Any
>> strategies that you blind folks have > >> come> up with to gain the
>> confidence or decide when to do it? Is it just > >> a> personality
>> thing, because I know many blind folks who are not shy > >> about it>
>> and simply say, "Who are you?"> > > > Should I just let this > >> one
>> go now as a mom-especially since he is now a> senior in high school? >
>>  >> > > > > Carrie Gilmer, President> > National Organization of
>> Parents of > >> Blind Children> > A Division of the National
>> Federation of the Blind> > > >> NFB National Center: 410-659-9314> >
>> Home Phone: 763-784-8590> > > >> carrie.gilmer at gmail.com> >
>> www.nfb.org/nopbc> > > > > >>
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