[blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally excluded from birthday party

[Amy Ruell]

Hi,
My heart goes out to you, as I know from experience how sad it is when your
child is excluded. 
First of all, I applaud your friend for sticking to her principles. I hope
that she explains to the parent that her child will not be attending because
of the decision to exclude your daughter. The suggestion about having your
children go to the attraction at another time is a good one.

I'm really on the fence about what to do re: the excluding family. On one
hand, there are ignorant people who cannot be persuaded and they certainly
don't deserve your time and energy. However, I think that it is important
that you send the message that you are aware of and intollerant of the
discrimination, if that's what it truly is. At the very least, I would let
the classroom teacher and principal know that your child has been excluded
and see if the school has and will reinforce a policy that all children must
be invited to birthday parties, particularly if invitations are  being given
out at the school. If this is tolerated by the school now, it will be even
more likely that other parents may follow suit. Depending on your
personality and inclination, I would do the following regarding the parent.
You could call her and say that you are aware of the party and want to check
on the details as you assume that your child's invitation was misplaced
since the whole class is invited. Alternatively, if the school does nothing
to intervene, you could call her and ask why your child was not invited to
see if she has undue concerns about her safety and is unaware of her ability
to enjoy these activities.
Your child will probably not be nearly as upset as you are about this party,
even if she is aware of it, but I think that this is likely to be a repeated
scenario from time to time. What I would encourage you to consider is that
it is important that your daughter ultimately learn to advocate for herself
and to challenge attempts at esclusion. For her to do this, it will be
important for her to know that you challenge these behaviors as well and
support her in her efforts to do so. As I said initially, there are
certainly people who don't deserve your time and energy, but I experienced
several important instances in my life when I was excluded from important
things and was further undermined by my parents' assertion that I needed to
"understand and accept that many people won't include 	you." As true as
their words were about the ignorance and discrimination, it was very hard to
advocate for equality with their tacit acceptance of the status quo. 
Sorry for getting on my soap box and writing a somewhat disjointed post.
Haven't had my coffee yet, (smile!) Keep us posted.
Amy

-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Grace Sato
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 6:39 PM
To: blindkid at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally excluded
from birthday party


Because I'm sure parents on this list have lived this, I'm going to ask.
I've been trying to forget about this, but you know how things nag at 
you and you can't let go?

Here goes:

I found out over the weekend that my daughter's first grade class was 
invited to the birthday party of a classmate (Logan).
Apparently Logan's parents took invitations for all the kids and the 
class and distributed them as school ended on Friday.

I knew none of this until I spent Sunday with one of the boys in my 
daughter's class (Chance), and his mom, as we visited a cool Children's 
Discovery Museum together and she asked in the car if my daughter would 
be attending the party on November 1st.

The party will be held at "Pump It Up", an inflatables party place 
(think large inflatable slides, bouncy castle, mazes, etc).
My daughter loves this place and attended two birthday parties there 
before when in preschool and kindergarten.

Because this little boy (Chance) is my daughter's best friend in school, 
the one we spend the most time with, his mom decided to ask Logan's dad 
directly if Milagro, "Chance's best friend in class", had been invited. 
She told me he looked at her funny and said, "No."

She asked if everyone else in the class had been invited and he said 
yes. So, Chance's mom and I are concluding that Milagro has been 
excluded, probably because the family thinks a blind child doesn't 
belong in a bouncy inflatables place.

Now, I don't know this boy Logan and his parents don't know me, so I 
mostly don't care. I doubt Milagro knows she's been excluded because she 
was in SDC at the end of the school day. But.....now Chance's mom is 
going to boycott the party (not take Chance) in protest of Milagro being 
excluded. Sweet gesture, but that's what's causing me grief.

I feel (almost) obligated to do something, but not sure what?  Would you 
please share your wisdom with me on this? Part of me wants to crash the 
party to show her classmates that she's as adventurous and strong as 
they are (and more so in most cases). The rest of me says, "save your 
energy".

What do you think? What have you done in these situations when your 
child has been excluded socially due to someone else's ignorance? Should 
I just do nothing and beg Chance's mom to just take him and tell her I 
appreciate the gesture?

Such drama.....I know. And it's only first grade!  Thanks!

Grace in California







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