[blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionallyexcludedfrom birthday party

Thu Oct 30 07:02:37 UTC 2008

Mayabe, when sending all of those invitations, could her invitation have
been overlooked?  In my opinion, the suggestion of bringing a gift is great;
it will get the children to talk about blindness, and it may open the door
for you and the other parent to talk about blindness, as well.  

Debra

-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Robert Jaquiss
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 10:12 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter
intentionallyexcludedfrom birthday party

Hello:

     I agree with Amy. Your daughter will know that she was excluded when 
she goes to school and everyone in her class talk about the great party. I 
would try and talk to the mother and find out why your daughter was 
excluded. Have a great day.

Regards,

Robert

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Amy Ruell" <aruell at nbp.org>
To: "'NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)'" 
<blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 5:26 AM
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionallyexcluded

from birthday party

> Hi,
> My heart goes out to you, as I know from experience how sad it is when 
> your
> child is excluded.
> First of all, I applaud your friend for sticking to her principles. I hope
> that she explains to the parent that her child will not be attending 
> because
> of the decision to exclude your daughter. The suggestion about having your
> children go to the attraction at another time is a good one.
>
> I'm really on the fence about what to do re: the excluding family. On one
> hand, there are ignorant people who cannot be persuaded and they certainly
> don't deserve your time and energy. However, I think that it is important
> that you send the message that you are aware of and intollerant of the
> discrimination, if that's what it truly is. At the very least, I would let
> the classroom teacher and principal know that your child has been excluded
> and see if the school has and will reinforce a policy that all children 
> must
> be invited to birthday parties, particularly if invitations are  being 
> given
> out at the school. If this is tolerated by the school now, it will be even
> more likely that other parents may follow suit. Depending on your
> personality and inclination, I would do the following regarding the 
> parent.
> You could call her and say that you are aware of the party and want to 
> check
> on the details as you assume that your child's invitation was misplaced
> since the whole class is invited. Alternatively, if the school does 
> nothing
> to intervene, you could call her and ask why your child was not invited to
> see if she has undue concerns about her safety and is unaware of her 
> ability
> to enjoy these activities.
> Your child will probably not be nearly as upset as you are about this 
> party,
> even if she is aware of it, but I think that this is likely to be a 
> repeated
> scenario from time to time. What I would encourage you to consider is that
> it is important that your daughter ultimately learn to advocate for 
> herself
> and to challenge attempts at esclusion. For her to do this, it will be
> important for her to know that you challenge these behaviors as well and
> support her in her efforts to do so. As I said initially, there are
> certainly people who don't deserve your time and energy, but I experienced
> several important instances in my life when I was excluded from important
> things and was further undermined by my parents' assertion that I needed 
> to
> "understand and accept that many people won't include you." As true as
> their words were about the ignorance and discrimination, it was very hard 
> to
> advocate for equality with their tacit acceptance of the status quo.
> Sorry for getting on my soap box and writing a somewhat disjointed post.
> Haven't had my coffee yet, (smile!) Keep us posted.
> Amy
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Grace Sato
> Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 6:39 PM
> To: blindkid at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally excluded
> from birthday party
>
>
> Because I'm sure parents on this list have lived this, I'm going to ask.
> I've been trying to forget about this, but you know how things nag at
> you and you can't let go?
>
> Here goes:
>
> I found out over the weekend that my daughter's first grade class was
> invited to the birthday party of a classmate (Logan).
> Apparently Logan's parents took invitations for all the kids and the
> class and distributed them as school ended on Friday.
>
> I knew none of this until I spent Sunday with one of the boys in my
> daughter's class (Chance), and his mom, as we visited a cool Children's
> Discovery Museum together and she asked in the car if my daughter would
> be attending the party on November 1st.
>
> The party will be held at "Pump It Up", an inflatables party place
> (think large inflatable slides, bouncy castle, mazes, etc).
> My daughter loves this place and attended two birthday parties there
> before when in preschool and kindergarten.
>
> Because this little boy (Chance) is my daughter's best friend in school,
> the one we spend the most time with, his mom decided to ask Logan's dad
> directly if Milagro, "Chance's best friend in class", had been invited.
> She told me he looked at her funny and said, "No."
>
> She asked if everyone else in the class had been invited and he said
> yes. So, Chance's mom and I are concluding that Milagro has been
> excluded, probably because the family thinks a blind child doesn't
> belong in a bouncy inflatables place.
>
> Now, I don't know this boy Logan and his parents don't know me, so I
> mostly don't care. I doubt Milagro knows she's been excluded because she
> was in SDC at the end of the school day. But.....now Chance's mom is
> going to boycott the party (not take Chance) in protest of Milagro being
> excluded. Sweet gesture, but that's what's causing me grief.
>
> I feel (almost) obligated to do something, but not sure what?  Would you
> please share your wisdom with me on this? Part of me wants to crash the
> party to show her classmates that she's as adventurous and strong as
> they are (and more so in most cases). The rest of me says, "save your
> energy".
>
> What do you think? What have you done in these situations when your
> child has been excluded socially due to someone else's ignorance? Should
> I just do nothing and beg Chance's mom to just take him and tell her I
> appreciate the gesture?
>
> Such drama.....I know. And it's only first grade!  Thanks!
>
> Grace in California
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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