[blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally excluded from birthday party

Wed Oct 29 11:59:19 UTC 2008

Hi Grace,

So sorry that you are having to go through this. Our school district has a policy that no invitations to anything can be given out at school unless everyone in the class is invited. I know that there are ways around this, but I think it sets the example that it is rude to do otherwise. That may be something to suggest to your daughter's school.

As for the reason Milagro was excluded, it is possible that Logan's parents thought that she would not be able to participate or enjoy the party. They may also have been worried about her being injured, both out of concern and out of fear of a lawsuit.

I can already hear you guys boiling over! I know it isn't right. I know that it isn't fair. What I am saying is that these people may not have been acting out of cruelness, but ignorance. They may have thought that it would be mean to invite a child to a party that she could not participate in. It is still wrong and a good opportunity for education. I think your idea of a gift for Logan is nice and it would give you the opportunity to explain. 

I think what I am trying to say is to assume that the parents meant no harm. You don't need to shame them. If they are good people who meant no harm, they will be ashamed themselves. If they are bigots, you won't be able to shame them.

One of my students was in Cub Scouts and the leader's wife didn't want my student staying after the meeting to play, as most of the kids did. She asked his grandmother to pick him up directly after the meeting. The grandmother figured it out and called me. I called the lady and offered to come talk to the boys about Braille, bringing the Braille writer for them to try, and some Braille games, bookmarks, etc. She was happy for me to do that and she said that she was "nervous" when Ben was in their house. She was afraid that he would hurt himself. You have to know that Ben was/is a daredevil and didn't use all of the safety techniques or his cane properly, especially when he gets excited. They had a trampoline in the backyard for her kids and the scouts like to bounce on it after meetings. She was afraid that if Ben got hurt, she could be sued. I told her that she ran that risk with any of the kids, especially with a bunch of kids on a trampoline! I talked
 to her about liabilty and also that the Boy Scouts of America has lots of information about how to include kids who have disabilities. 

I came and did my Braille thing with the boys and then modeled how to correct Ben and to remind him to use his cane, all the things that his family and I have to do every day. She was very relieved. She didn't want him to be hurt and not on her watch. She just needed some reassurance and direction. She's a nice lady. She opened her house up to nine 3rd grade boys every other week, after all!

I hope that whatever you do works out well for everyone concerned.
Take care,
Colleen

________________________________
From: Grace Sato <gracets at covad.net>
To: blindkid at nfbnet.org
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 5:38:47 PM
Subject: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally excluded from birthday party

Because I'm sure parents on this list have lived this, I'm going to ask.
I've been trying to forget about this, but you know how things nag at you and you can't let go?

Here goes:

I found out over the weekend that my daughter's first grade class was invited to the birthday party of a classmate (Logan).
Apparently Logan's parents took invitations for all the kids and the class and distributed them as school ended on Friday.

I knew none of this until I spent Sunday with one of the boys in my daughter's class (Chance), and his mom, as we visited a cool Children's Discovery Museum together and she asked in the car if my daughter would be attending the party on November 1st.

The party will be held at "Pump It Up", an inflatables party place (think large inflatable slides, bouncy castle, mazes, etc).
My daughter loves this place and attended two birthday parties there before when in preschool and kindergarten.

Because this little boy (Chance) is my daughter's best friend in school, the one we spend the most time with, his mom decided to ask Logan's dad directly if Milagro, "Chance's best friend in class", had been invited. She told me he looked at her funny and said, "No."

She asked if everyone else in the class had been invited and he said yes. So, Chance's mom and I are concluding that Milagro has been excluded, probably because the family thinks a blind child doesn't belong in a bouncy inflatables place.

Now, I don't know this boy Logan and his parents don't know me, so I mostly don't care. I doubt Milagro knows she's been excluded because she was in SDC at the end of the school day. But.....now Chance's mom is going to boycott the party (not take Chance) in protest of Milagro being excluded. Sweet gesture, but that's what's causing me grief.

I feel (almost) obligated to do something, but not sure what?  Would you please share your wisdom with me on this? Part of me wants to crash the party to show her classmates that she's as adventurous and strong as they are (and more so in most cases). The rest of me says, "save your energy".

What do you think? What have you done in these situations when your child has been excluded socially due to someone else's ignorance? Should I just do nothing and beg Chance's mom to just take him and tell her I appreciate the gesture?

Such drama.....I know. And it's only first grade!  Thanks!

Grace in California

_______________________________________________
blindkid mailing list
blindkid at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindkid_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for blindkid:
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindkid_nfbnet.org/bldhnds52%40yahoo.com