[blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionallyexcluded from birthday party

Barbara.Mathews at sce.com Barbara.Mathews at sce.com
Thu Oct 30 14:16:26 UTC 2008


Yes, when I get back home.  I'm out of town this week.


----- Original Message -----
From: jjordan_pa
Sent: 10/30/2008 12:41 AM GMT
To: "NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,	\(for parents of blind children\)" <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionallyexcluded	from birthday party



Barbara: would you be willing to share a copy of your letter to parents?
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

-----Original Message-----
From: Barbara.Mathews at sce.com

Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:03:50 
To: NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,\(for parents of blind children\)<blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally
 excluded from birthday party


Grace - I'm sorry this happened to you and Milagro.  I know many of us have experienced similar situations, and we benefit from sharing thoughts about how to deal with them.  Would Chance's mom suggest to the birthday child's parents that Milagro be invited? If not, as hard as it is, my recommendation would be to call the parents yourself.  Assume they are good people and just didn't know she could participate, and explain that she can. Assure them that you'll be there, too. There's a risk that if Milagro isn't included this time, other parents will think it's okay to exclude her. 

I really want to endorse Stephanie's suggestions.  From the time my daughter was in preschool and kindergarten, we tried to show that we expected her to be fully included, and to help other parents, as well as children, be comfortable with her blindness. At the beginning of each school year, I wrote a letter to parents of students in her class for the teacher to send home - just one page -- explaining things like we're comfortable with the word "blind," you don't have to avoid saying "look" or "see," she uses a cane, etc.  I also asked the teacher if I could speak to the parents in the class for a couple minutes at Back to School night, and answer their questions.  The teachers always said yes.  I had a birthday party for her at some popular spot and invited everyone.  Hardest of all as a working mom, I became a Brownie, then Girl Scout troop leader. Obviously that meant she was in the troop.

A wise parent advised me early on that we would have to take the initative in inviting kids for playdates, and we should try to make our home a place that other kids like to go. It was good advice.  But one lesson I learned is that it can be misinterpreted as a signal that the blind child can only play at her/his own house.  It's important to make it clear that your child is perfectly capable of going over to a friend's house.  I also learned that some kids never "get it" and it's best not to try to force a friendship.  Some kids will easily see past the blindness, and they will be the friends.



----- Original Message -----
From: "Kieszak, Stephanie (CDC/CCEHIP/NCEH)" [sek7 at cdc.gov]
Sent: 10/29/2008 08:32 AM AST
To: blindkid at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally excluded from birthday party



Oops, I accidentally hit send before I wrote my reply.  I was trying to
explain what has worked for us in the past.  At the start of each school
year, we invite Kendra's entire class (plus parents and siblings) over
for a party.  That way they get to meet us, we get to meet them, and
they get to see Kendra being a typical kid.  This year, we had a pool
party in September for her 6th birthday.  Out of a class of 18, only 3
kids didn't come (and all 3 had good reasons).  So far, we haven't had a
problem with her being excluded from things and I think a big part of
the reason is because we make a real effort to get to know the other
families and to have them know Kendra.  Another suggestion is to
schedule as many playdates as possible with classmates. I know that's
easier said than done with everyone's schedules!  Maybe the other family
just assumed Milagro wouldn't have fun at the birthday party because
they haven't had a chance to "see her in action".  I remember when
Kendra was in her second year of Montessori school, one of the parents
specifically asked me if Kendra would be okay at that type of party.
There was no malice; she just didn't know if a blind child would be
comfortable in that type of setting.  That little girl, 3 years later,
is still one of Kendra's best friends.
Good luck to both of you!
Stephanie 
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