[blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally excluded from birthday party

Fri Oct 31 01:13:44 UTC 2008

Those are good points.  The gift can be a comversation starter about what
malaigo can do, and it possibly would give the other child's parents a chance to
express their concerns.  Lets hope that they are just concerned and don't know
about blindness, and they aren't ignorant people that don't want to change.

Regards,
Sincerely,
Melissa R. Green
Nobody said life would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it. 

-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Colleen Davis
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 5:59 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List, (for parents of blind children)
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally excluded
from birthday party

Hi Grace,

So sorry that you are having to go through this. Our school district has a
policy that no invitations to anything can be given out at school unless
everyone in the class is invited. I know that there are ways around this, but I
think it sets the example that it is rude to do otherwise. That may be something
to suggest to your daughter's school.

As for the reason Milagro was excluded, it is possible that Logan's parents
thought that she would not be able to participate or enjoy the party. They may
also have been worried about her being injured, both out of concern and out of
fear of a lawsuit.

I can already hear you guys boiling over! I know it isn't right. I know that it
isn't fair. What I am saying is that these people may not have been acting out
of cruelness, but ignorance. They may have thought that it would be mean to
invite a child to a party that she could not participate in. It is still wrong
and a good opportunity for education. I think your idea of a gift for Logan is
nice and it would give you the opportunity to explain. 

I think what I am trying to say is to assume that the parents meant no harm. You
don't need to shame them. If they are good people who meant no harm, they will
be ashamed themselves. If they are bigots, you won't be able to shame them.

One of my students was in Cub Scouts and the leader's wife didn't want my
student staying after the meeting to play, as most of the kids did. She asked
his grandmother to pick him up directly after the meeting. The grandmother
figured it out and called me. I called the lady and offered to come talk to the
boys about Braille, bringing the Braille writer for them to try, and some
Braille games, bookmarks, etc. She was happy for me to do that and she said that
she was "nervous" when Ben was in their house. She was afraid that he would hurt
himself. You have to know that Ben was/is a daredevil and didn't use all of the
safety techniques or his cane properly, especially when he gets excited. They
had a trampoline in the backyard for her kids and the scouts like to bounce on
it after meetings. She was afraid that if Ben got hurt, she could be sued. I
told her that she ran that risk with any of the kids, especially with a bunch of
kids on a trampoline! I talked
 to her about liabilty and also that the Boy Scouts of America has lots of
information about how to include kids who have disabilities. 

I came and did my Braille thing with the boys and then modeled how to correct
Ben and to remind him to use his cane, all the things that his family and I have
to do every day. She was very relieved. She didn't want him to be hurt and not
on her watch. She just needed some reassurance and direction. She's a nice lady.
She opened her house up to nine 3rd grade boys every other week, after all!

I hope that whatever you do works out well for everyone concerned.
Take care,
Colleen

________________________________
From: Grace Sato <gracets at covad.net>
To: blindkid at nfbnet.org
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 5:38:47 PM
Subject: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally excluded from
birthday party

Because I'm sure parents on this list have lived this, I'm going to ask.
I've been trying to forget about this, but you know how things nag at you and
you can't let go?

Here goes:

I found out over the weekend that my daughter's first grade class was invited to
the birthday party of a classmate (Logan).
Apparently Logan's parents took invitations for all the kids and the class and
distributed them as school ended on Friday.

I knew none of this until I spent Sunday with one of the boys in my daughter's
class (Chance), and his mom, as we visited a cool Children's Discovery Museum
together and she asked in the car if my daughter would be attending the party on
November 1st.

The party will be held at "Pump It Up", an inflatables party place (think large
inflatable slides, bouncy castle, mazes, etc).
My daughter loves this place and attended two birthday parties there before when
in preschool and kindergarten.

Because this little boy (Chance) is my daughter's best friend in school, the one
we spend the most time with, his mom decided to ask Logan's dad directly if
Milagro, "Chance's best friend in class", had been invited. She told me he
looked at her funny and said, "No."

She asked if everyone else in the class had been invited and he said yes. So,
Chance's mom and I are concluding that Milagro has been excluded, probably
because the family thinks a blind child doesn't belong in a bouncy inflatables
place.

Now, I don't know this boy Logan and his parents don't know me, so I mostly
don't care. I doubt Milagro knows she's been excluded because she was in SDC at
the end of the school day. But.....now Chance's mom is going to boycott the
party (not take Chance) in protest of Milagro being excluded. Sweet gesture, but
that's what's causing me grief.

I feel (almost) obligated to do something, but not sure what?  Would you please
share your wisdom with me on this? Part of me wants to crash the party to show
her classmates that she's as adventurous and strong as they are (and more so in
most cases). The rest of me says, "save your energy".

What do you think? What have you done in these situations when your child has
been excluded socially due to someone else's ignorance? Should I just do nothing
and beg Chance's mom to just take him and tell her I appreciate the gesture?

Such drama.....I know. And it's only first grade!  Thanks!

Grace in California

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