[blindkid] alternative parenting guide

Tue Jul 20 03:48:55 UTC 2010

MMM ... is Sherry asking about parenting a blind child or about parenting a 
child as a blind person? If the latter, I don't see much difference from 
parenting as a sighted person. If the former, just love the heck out of the 
blind child, show him/her as many things as s/he can stand (hands-on) and 
describe everything.

You'd be surprised how much comes out not much different from parenting 
other kids.

Mike

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Richard Holloway" <rholloway at gopbc.org>
To: "NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)" 
<blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2010 8:43 PM
Subject: Re: [blindkid] alternative parenting guide

>I agree with Jim on this. In our house, we treat  our kids the same as 
>much as possible and we expect from all of them basically the same  things, 
>at least on an age-appropriate basis (our kids range from 4 to  16 at this 
>point with our blind child falling in the middle at not  quite age 8). This 
>is our goal unless there is a specific and  compelling reason not to do so 
>on a particular issue.
>
> In our case, the most likely thing to "excuse" something from our  blind 
> daughter is that she didn't have the information or the number  of 
> reminders & cues which her sighted siblings had to such a point  that she 
> could not be expected to be held to the same standard and  that is 
> generally a short-term excuse. The long term remedy to that is  to provide 
> the needed information. That is the one case where I think  parenting is 
> to be modified-- In fact that is for me the most  frustrating part of 
> parenting a blind child but it also means there is  generally a cure. The 
> real challenge as the parent of a blind child is  to convey the 
> information she needs or perhaps that she deserves to  have is a better 
> way to put it. Off the top of my head, blind kids are  way more likely to 
> eat a meal while facing away from a table, for  example. Why? Sighted kids 
> watch people sit and face a table as they  eat from birth. They have 
> experienced this hundreds, or in fact  probably thousands of times before 
> they are ever expected to do this  "properly" on their own and they also 
> have a built-in reason to do so;  they're looking at the food they plan to 
> eat. Socially, blind kids are  not going to fit in if they face away from 
> the table or sit sideways  at meals, etc., but how are they going to know 
> this is what everyone  else is doing? We have to tell them, right? At lest 
> we do if we want  them to fit in socially in a world where there is an 
> awful lot of  sighted bias...
>
> If you have ever seen an audio described movie, where they tell you  what 
> is happening with a voice-over when the actors are not speaking,  that's 
> what a lot of our lives are like with our daughter (we are the  describers 
> in this case). Here's another simple example: WIthout our  giving our 
> daughter extra information, a drive to the store or across  town or across 
> the country is a very different thing than it is for a  sighted child. To 
> balance that out-- at least to the degree possible,  we try and tell 
> Kendra what is happening outside the car. The windows  are generally up so 
> few sounds come in. The air conditioning is  generally recirculating 
> mostly so smells aren't very meaningful. I  don't do this all the time, 
> but at least sometimes, I point out that  we are passing houses about this 
> fast-- then I count them off: 1, 2,  3, 4, 5... and now there's a 7-11 on 
> the left and a bank on the right.  Then on another trip, I discuss cross 
> roads, or traffic lights we're  passing, or phone poles and power lines as 
> I count the poles. The list  is nearly endless for driving alone because 
> as those of us who see as  we ride or drive know, there are new things to 
> observe on most every  car ride even of we've driven the route 1000 times. 
> (Also, now and  then a drive with windows open helps a little.) This 
> brings up much  dialogue and many questions. Likewise, when you walk into 
> a room,  there can be a quick briefing as to who and what is there and 
> what is  going on.
>
> Longer-term, I presume there will be more and more of a building of a 
> knowledge base where fewer and fewer things will need detailed 
> description all the time. At least that has been the trend so far in  some 
> areas. When our child is not being successful, the first thing I  try and 
> put to the test is what information did my child not get as  compared to 
> her sighted peers and how can that most reasonably be  provided, and 
> further, do we need to provide that or is there a  reasonable way for her 
> to get that on her own?
>
> Say that she is missing a toy that was misplaced. If I know she had it 
> last and put it somewhere, she needs to try and locate it on her own 
> before I go on a quest for it, just like with the other kids. On the 
> other hand, if I know that her little brother moved something to a 
> completely different room, then she is at a considerable disadvantage  so 
> yes, at age seven I'm likely to help a lot more quickly in that  case. I'm 
> sure there are many examples which are far more to the point  but 
> hopefully that will be at least slightly useful. In this case, I  want her 
> to learn to solve things on her own but not to get so  frustrated that she 
> gives up. She should try to remember where she  left something but her 
> guessing where a 4-year-old hid her doll is  unreasonable.
>
> In our particular case, it seems like the school does a little better 
> with filling in academic gaps than social ones but missing information 
> causes problems in all areas. One final example possibly worth a  mention: 
> On a practice exam question, when asked, Kendra decided that  of the 
> following three items: 1) People, 2) Dogs, and 3) Elephants,  #1, People 
> would be the largest. How could this be? Well, she's seen  and experienced 
> people and dogs. Clearly, people are larger. She's  seen elephants too--  
> only all she has seen is a little toy elephant  and somehow, nobody ever 
> thought to tell her that an ACTUAL elephant  is quite a lot larger that a 
> plastic toy. Think of that example and  expand on it. Imagine that all you 
> have ever seen between a tiger, and  elephant, a whale and a dinosaur is 
> handheld plastic models or toys of  each. Which is lager? Which is softer? 
> Which is most brightly colored?  Which likes the water? Again, the list is 
> nearly endless. This is my  primary parenting challenge in a nut shell.
>
> I'm probably belaboring to excess the point as I am prone to do but 
> honestly, almost every blindness parenting challenge I have  encountered 
> can be tied back to at least some degree to a lack of the  information 
> that my daughter gets from the missing incidental visual  learning which 
> her sighted siblings and peers all enjoy every day. It  is up to the 
> parents, the teachers and technology at hand to fill  these gaps as well 
> as well as possible.
>
> Richard
>
>
>
> On Jul 19, 2010, at 9:50 PM, Jim Beyer wrote:
>
>> Hi Sherry,
>>
>>
>> I don't know if there is such a book. If there was, we probably  would 
>> have
>> all read it when our kids were toddlers as well.
>> In my opinion, blind kids don't need alternative parenting  techniques; 
>> they
>> need what all kids need...good parenting.
>> Our basic rule was that we would treat our daughter and hold her to  the 
>> same
>> expectations that we had for her sighted brothers. Only if she  proved 
>> beyond
>> any doubt that she was incapable of success in some area would we  offer
>> assistance/accommodation.
>>
>> My humble opinion
>> Jim
>
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