[blindkid] Daughter's pre-k graduation

[Carol Castellano]

Doreen,

I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, having 
just read your letter about Torrie and Kim's 
message about her daughter.  These moments are so 
meaningful for us, perhaps even more meaningful 
than those same moments with our sighted 
children.  So many of us have had to work very 
hard to help our children develop and to fight 
the system so that our kids get an equal shake.

I hope that the sting of this day subsides 
quickly.  This experience will become your 
ammunition for doing things differently next 
time.  I think we can just about guarantee that 
people--even those who know our kids and have 
worked with them--will sell them short on 
activities like this and will not share our utter 
PASSION for our kids participating and 
participating equally and fully.  I'm afraid that 
the onus will lie on us--and eventually on our 
kids when they learn to self advocate--to insist 
on equal participation and then to teach exactly what that means.

So though it probably does not feel that way now, 
this will become a crucial and incredibly 
valuable learning experience for 
you.  Unfortunately, we cannot take it for 
granted that others will do the job right.  I am 
sure it is difficult to view it in a positive 
light now--as in, better to find this out in 
preschool than in high school.  So, now you 
know.  For other school events, religious rites, 
scouts, graduations, assume that you'll need to 
get in there early and teach.  As Torrie grows 
older, include her in the planning--what do we 
need to tell these guys so that you can 
participate just like everyone else?  In this 
way, you'll be teaching her what to expect and 
how to advocate for herself.  Things then won't 
be depressing or sad because she'll be informed 
and empowered.  Then the day will come when she 
will be able to anticipate problem areas and do 
the teaching herself in advance.

Again, I hope the sadness dissipates quickly.  Go 
on to the positive--a valuable lesson learned 
nice and early that you and Torrie will use well throughout her life.

Fondly,
Carol

Carol Castellano, President
National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
973-377-0976
carol_castellano at verizon.net
www.nopbc.org

At 02:15 PM 6/4/2010, you wrote:
>I wanted to share  a letter that was 
>hand-delivered to our school superintendent 
>today about our daughter's pre-k graduation 
>ceremony. As you can tell from the letter, it 
>was bittersweet. Doreen        I am writing 
>about my daughter who is visually impaired and 
>in the pre-K program at Eagles Nest. Her 
>graduation ceremony was today and I am writing 
>to tell you how upset my family was with the 
>treatment of our daughter, Victorria. Â  The 
>ceremony started with Victorria being led by Mrs 
>Rowe using sighted guide (I can’t say it was 
>correct, but that is not the point). Torrie was 
>set down on the floor to watch the photo review 
>of the year with the rest of her class. Torrie 
>has low vision and she was not able to see or 
>"recognize" the pictures of herself and her 
>friends. I sat and I cried, not because of joy, 
>but because she could not see the pictures. All 
>of the other children were shouting out "that's 
>me" and they even shouted "Torrie," but because 
>Torrie could not see, Torrie could not 
>participate in the festivity that her other 
>friends were enjoying. It was heart breaking as 
>I sat there and continued to watch Torrie not be 
>able to participate like her sighted peers. It 
>made me even sadder, and I continued to cry. I 
>wanted to bring her over to me and go through 
>the pictures verbally with her, but I knew she 
>needed to stay where she is. (I have asked Mrs 
>Rowe for a copy of the CD so that Torrie can 
>watch the show at home). Â  As the ceremony 
>continued, the children were moved to the stage. 
>Again, Torrie was led by Mrs Rowe to her seat. I 
>looked at Torrie and her cane was no where to be 
>found. I was in shock! In our eyes, it said to 
>us that she "couldn't be herself." During the 
>program, Torrie was then led to a place on the 
>stage to hold a sign while all of the other 
>children were able to walk toward the audience 
>in different parts of the program. We sat there 
>and were so disappointed that our daughter's 
>disability was not recognized, that she was made 
>to "look like all of the other children" yet she 
>was not doing the same activity (walking toward 
>the audience) like her sighted peers. I was 
>livid at this point because Torrie could not be 
>herself, but had to “look like the other 
>sighted children”.  My family was upset and 
>disappointed that Torrie had to be made to be 
>like one of the other kids in the program. Her 
>disability and her cane seemed to be something 
>to be ashamed of. That is not what we are 
>instilling in Torrie. She is to be proud of who 
>she is! Â  This past weekend, I was at a state 
>convention for people who are blind and visually 
>impaired and everyone used their cane or guide 
>dog. No one was ashamed of having a visual 
>disability. These adults had to navigate a new 
>environment to all of them ­ they had to find 
>their wayy from the hotel check-in, to their 
>rooms, to the restaurant, to the main seminar 
>room and other seminar rooms. Several of these 
>people were also speakers who had to navigate to 
>the front of the room for their speeches. None 
>of these adults were embarrassed  by their 
>canes or guide dogs; instead they navigated 
>around the hotel with confidence and 
>independence. Why isn’t this outlook of 
>independence being supported by the school? I 
>don’t even have the words to describe my 
>feelings about the independence and assurance 
>these people had last weekend, and how my 
>daughter was not allowed to use her cane which 
>makes her independent and safe! What a stark 
>contrast! There are no words for this! Â  The 
>diplomas were then given out by Mr Lynch and the 
>children were to shake hands with Mrs Rowe, Mr 
>Lynch and Mrs Serynak. Torrie did not have her 
>cane and she walked across the stage, without 
>her cane. When I saw that, I gasped for my 
>daughter's safety as well as the fact that she 
>did not have her cane to use, which is a vital 
>part of her. Torrie's cane is as much a part of 
>her as her glasses are, just like our glasses 
>are a part of us (we all wear glasses). After 
>the ceremony, Torrie was led off the stage by 
>Mrs Rowe. All of the other children were able to 
>go to their parents and had pictures taken with 
>family and on stage. Torrie looked toward us, 
>but Torrie had Mrs Rowe’s hand. When she 
>looked toward us, I was not sure what to do - 
>get her or let her go to her class as were the 
>directions. Instead, all the parents got their 
>children and took pictures, and Torrie had Mrs 
>Rowe's hand and was being led out of the 
>auditorium. My family and I were very 
>disappointed, especially after seeing other 
>families taking pictures. I have no pictures of 
>Torrie alone on stage with her diploma. I have 
>Torrie and her class instead of individual 
>pictures of our graduate. Instead of this being 
>a very happy day, it was heart breaking, 
>depressing and very disconcerting. Â  Torrie is 
>finally getting orientation and mobility 
>instruction for use in cane. In our last IEP 
>meeting, it was decided that she would not use 
>the cane in her class but she would use it any 
>other time outside of her class. Torrie should 
>have used her cane while in the auditorium 
>instead of the fact that it was being covered 
>up. I don't think it would have mattered to the 
>other parents if Torrie had used her cane (they 
>all know she uses a cane) and it was set on the 
>floor by her. She could have used her cane to 
>move around, just like her sighted peers. 
>Instead, her disability was concealed. Do you 
>know the message being sent to Torrie? That 
>message is that you cannot be you - you need to 
>"hide" your disability and hide your cane. What 
>a sad commentary for our pre-K children! How are 
>we to build her self-esteem with the use of her 
>cane at this point? Â  I have been trying to be 
>upbeat about the whole ceremony with my 
>daughter, but it has been quite hard to hide my 
>feelings. Torrie told me that "she didn't need 
>her cane on the stage" which is not a 5-yr old's 
>decision. The use of a cane is a decision made 
>by her parents, and it was then reaffirmed by 
>the IEP Team after an IEE on orientation & 
>mobility clearly showed the reasons for the use 
>of the cane. How can we instill that the cane is 
>necessary with her visual disability when the 
>school isn't even on-board for the use of her 
>cane? Â  Â  Doreen 
>http://www.raceforindependence.org/goto/TorrieF 
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