[blindkid] Struggling with socialising

Wed May 4 15:17:08 UTC 2011

Wow I am saving this email and printing it off..

I wanted to start off is social skills are a SKILL and an essential skill.
 Sighting children have the advantage of getting all the nonverbal cues form
everyone.  My daughter  when from a sighted child in kindergarten (with
perfect vision) to a blind child in first grade (with some vision)

I have seen over these past few months my daughter change.  She has always
been very social and very much always will be (this is something that will
really help her)  I have just seen that now as she can't see faces and loses
her friends on the playground (this is huge issue socially)  That she simply
isn't the same free spirited friend to every single child on the playground.
 Her circle of friends has gotten smaller.  Thats ok but I realize it
becomes a larger issue making those 'instant friends' on a playground that
the child may never see again or you only see during a short program for a
week or two.  Sighted children may times just have that skill.  I really
just realized this recently.

How my daughter Abby deals with the playground issue (it doesn't solve all
the problems)  is she sets up a meeting place with them (I am so proud of
her because this is something she did herself after I gave her an idea)   If
today she is playing with her say her friend Nancy she will meet Nancy at
the swings.  She doesn't always meet the same child because sometimes kids
want to play with different children.  Abby has started to learn that and
she seems ok with that. I

I encourage Abby to talk about her vision. She has a cane and she is
willing to talk to new people about it and why she needs it. She may let
someone touch it and then explain that ok now you can't touch it  because I
need it and its an important tool.

Most people children or adults just dont' know how to deal with people who
are blind. I am still learning.  I STILL wave at my daughter.  STILL its
something ingrained in me.  Children and adults are going to use visual cues
and communications with your child and thats ok.  They just have to learn
that they should use their voice more.

I think the social skill area is one of the hardest for us
parents because its even hard for a child who is sighted.  Its just so
important.

On Wed, May 4, 2011 at 10:50 AM, Richard Holloway <rholloway at gopbc.org>wrote:

> This is a huge topic with many answers, but here are a few thoughts--
>
> Kids seem pretty open to dealing with other children with unique
> situations, but just as our blind children are lacking information about the
> world around them (especially early on), so are many sighted children pretty
> uninformed about matters of blindness.
>
> >From the start, children have reacted in various ways to our blind
> daughter. Generally, (especially when she was younger), I would intervene
> when the other kids got that "what is she doing?!!" look around her (she
> might be reaching towards their voices but "looking" elsewhere). I might say
> "this is Kendra, she can't see you. Her eyes work differently than yours".
> Often, other parents quickly catch on and prompt their kids at that point,
> offering their names for them or suggesting they introduce themselves.
> Sometimes, I'll guide Kendra's hand towards a nearby child's hand and ask if
> she can touch their hand to say hello or something like that.
>
> I used to do that a lot more. After years of modeling this behavior, now my
> 8-year-old blind daughter will hear another child and announce "Hello, I'm
> Kendra-- what's your name?!!!". If the kids go silent, I'll step back in
> briefly, but if they talk, I stay out of the discussion until I'm need to
> for some reason.
>
> At times other parents have quickly reprimanded their kids for what they
> think are inappropriate reactions to Kendra. Generally I would not challenge
> another parent's guidance of their own kids, but I often break my policy in
> that one matter. I have no problem with telling other parents when I know
> their kids are watching / listening to what's going on, that it is okay to
> have be curious and ask questions-- that's how we learn. Am I talking to the
> parent or their child? Hmm, who can tell?
>
> Now, I know that most parents would not usually react well to a stranger
> telling them how to parent a child, but you know what? When there is a
> social dilemma going on for them like this (maybe call this "blind child
> induced panic mode for sighted children"), at least so far, I have never had
> a parent complaint when I offered advice on this matter and I have done it a
> LOT.
>
> The net result is that my blind daughter makes as many new friends on
> playgrounds or in parks (or wherever) and probably MORE than either of her
> sighted siblings and peers.
>
> In my daughter's case, her eyes look typical (she wears prosthetics) except
> that she often appears to be "looking through" another person or thing. One
> little boy, probably about three years old when Kendra was the same age,
> waved his hand in front of her, like you might do to catch the attention of
> a dazed or daydreaming person. The parent was mortified. I just did my
> thing: I said to the parent "it's okay, he's curious", then I turned to the
> boy and said "she can't see you, but she can hear you just fine" and by this
> time, Kendra was jumping in to say hello. Social disaster avoided entirely,
> The parent began talking to me and asking questions as the kids had a
> discussion.
>
> I think the biggest issue is this very typical tendency for nearly all
> sighted people (I was guilty of this in the past too, I now realize) to stop
> dead in their tracks, go completely silent, and not know how to react to any
> person approaching with a white cane or to be caught off guard by some other
> unusual situation related to blindness and not know what to do, so the
> sighted person does nothing.
>
> I guess this won't help so much when she's older, but she's still young
> enough that sometimes (when I know she doesn't need this so much) I'll tell
> her that there is a little girl about her age, or a boy a couple of years
> older than her in front of her (etc.) and then she will engage them with a
> greeting (which she might well have done without the prompting). Meanwhile,
> that child just got a subtle lesson that not only do they not have to stop
> and go silent, but that maybe the blind person would like to know they are
> there and even something about them...
>
> Again, at least in our case for the kids, some sort of ice breaker seems to
> do the trick, be that by the parent or the child (or both). Especially
> recently, though really for the last several years to some degree, our
> 8-year-old now has her own "standard" ice breaker. She nearly always has
> some sort of equipment in hand, typically a BrailleNote, but sometimes a
> Victor Reader, or even a pocket recorder, etc.
>
> Very often, after she meets someone, she asks if she can record their
> voice. I used to try and discourage this, feeling it was too invasive, but
> again, nobody has ever complained, and I don't think anyone has ever
> refused. (If someone does refuse one day, I'll remind Kendra as I do from
> time to time that some people may not want to do that.) She's looking for
> something like "Hi, I'm Susie and I'm wearing a green shirt", or such. Just
> some information to know the person and reference. Once there is that much
> of an exchange, conversation begins to flow much more naturally and also
> kids then want to know about "that machine". With the BrailleNote, a
> conversation about braille often follows when they look at the display or
> the braille-style keyboard. Time and again, I see kids go from a little
> scared, to curious and maybe interested to even fascination at times...
>
> At age three, a common moment could be a shared toy or interacting on a
> play structure in the park, etc. I do think there is a bit of a lag that is
> almost unavoidable while "parallel play" is still the main way kids interact
> socially. I know that starts around age 2 or 3. I'm not sure when it ends,
> and it is a gradual change towards greater interaction. Certainly my pre-k
> aged son is much more interactive than when he was three. I would guess the
> transition is somewhere around age 4?
>
> There is also a bit of a trick that worked for us with parallel play.
> Again, I would use the ice breaker-- "this is Kendra, she can't see you"
> (etc.) but more so the parents could hear and know what was going on. After
> that, just as we describe so many things, we'd say "Kendra, there is a
> little boy about your age playing next to you. He's wearing a green shirt
> and has a shovel and is digging in the sand." (Or whatever made sense to
> describe.)
>
> Ultimately, I think that the best way to get our kids interacting with
> people and their environment is to keep our children as informed about their
> surroundings as possible while we let others around us know that our kids
> want to interact with them as well.
>
> I'll be interested to hear what others have found works as well. I'm always
> looking for new approaches!
>
>
>
>
> On May 4, 2011, at 4:22 AM, Margie & Deryck Smith wrote:
>
> > My grandson, aged 3 is visually impaired.  He has basic navigational
> vision.
> > He is bright and outgoing and loves company.
> >
> > We would appreciate any input that can help him to cope in social
> situations
> > with sighted kids.  He wants to be included in their games and
> activities,
> > but finds it difficult because (for example at a playground) he doesn't
> know
> > where they are and what they're doing.  So he gravitates to the adults
> for
> > company.
> >
> > Any ideas?
> >
> > Margie Smith (South Africa)
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-- 
--Penny
----------
Adventures with Abby - visionfora.blogspot.com