[blindkid] Struggling with socializing

[Brandy W]

O boy I couldn't stand having to ask for help when I was a kid between 11
and 18. I even chose to get a 0 for the day and go back to school when I
didn't want to ask for help in a store. I'll never forget that O and M
instructor who pushed me through. Now I'm the one encouraging other's along,
and letting them know they won't be harmed if they ask for help, but it is a
survival skill. Just this weekend I flew from Austin to Chicago to MI. I
refused the help, wouldn't let people grab me, found food, bathrooms, my
gate, bordered stored my luggage and much more. I was on my cell phone
Bluetooth talking to a friend while doing it, and she was beyond impressed.
She said I could never do that, and let me tell you she is a very
independent woman. So even your child who is scared to ask will one day be
traveling where ever she wants with only minor discomfort or none at all!

I remember when I was little my mom would introduce me to kids and then step
back and let the fun happen. I was shy, in large groups and still don't like
large groups. However small groups are my thing and I don't think this is
just due to blindness but rather a personality thing.     

It is important to lead the way, but give them freedom. Often I would get
the outlay of a place, the information about some kids and sent on the way.

You can do it!

Bran


"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most
accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers."
~Charles W. Eliot, 

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-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Penny Duffy
Sent: Wednesday, May 04, 2011 11:14 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List, (for parents of blind children)
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Struggling with socialising

I don't think its possible to shut off the instinct to do everything we can
for our children. My mother still does things for me. That is what parents
do.  Just as our children need to work on self advocacy  we need to work on
letting them 'go' and do things on their own.

My daughters O&M instructor when shopping with my daughter yesterday and had
her ask where the bags where and then had her buy the bags.  It was so
interesting how hard that task was for my 'social partially sighted child'
 showed me an area I can start having her work on but i never thought about
it.

Its a balance when are young they need more help and need to be taught these
skills will do it themselves.  The trick is is holding back.

I am amazed what I have learned the last few months in parenting that I just
never thought of when I had two sighed children.

Talk about a crash course. Strangly my sighted son has benefited already in
my change in parenting (just slightly)  I am having him do more for himself.
--
--Penny
----------
Adventures with Abby - visionfora.blogspot.com

On Wed, May 4, 2011 at 11:54 AM, Richard Holloway
<rholloway at gopbc.org>wrote:

> I agree completely. When some sighted child can't figure out why my 
> daughter is "staring" at them (or "looking through" them, or whatever 
> their take may be) it can be very off-putting for all concerned. Yet 
> as soon as the realize, be it by conversation or possibly a white cane 
> in hand that Kendra isn't being rude, staring, or ignoring them, they 
> usually get right on-board.
>
> My take on the white cane issue is also that it is still a pretty rare 
> thing to see a child with a white cane, and many kids have no idea 
> what it means. They may have seen a few adults with white canes, but 
> why would a kid have one of those, right? (Hence, "why does she have 
> that stick?", coImes up fairly often.) When that happens, I try to 
> explain, offering words that Kendra can use as well (and she has begun 
> to) that this is how Kendra can tell where things are around her, lust 
> like their eyes let them know what is in front of them. That's often all
it takes.
>
> Where I have to work the hardest is to shut myself up (as sometime on 
> this listserve, LOL) and let Kendra speak for herself. At first the 
> parent-modeling is the only option, but after trying to keep myself in 
> the full-time advocate mode for many ears, it is hard to step away 
> more and more to let her self-advocate. Still, it is what has to be at 
> some point so I keep working on it. Thankfully, Kendra (blind since 
> birth) is so outgoing (surprisingly so) that she reminds me pretty 
> well just by her actions that she can manage a lot of this without much of
my assistance.
>
> Give her a couple of years, and she'll just tell me "Dad, its okay, 
> I've got this..."
>
>
>
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