[blindkid] Learning how to play?

Thu Aug 30 04:04:35 UTC 2012

Hi Julie,
I want to offer my perspective as a blind adult. First of all I agree
with everyone else that your younger daughter's aggressive behavior is
unacceptable and must be stopped before a positive relationship
between the two girls can happen. That said, conflict and aggression
between siblings is very common and I actually think this particular
situation has very little to do with blindness. Your two daughters
simply prefer to play in different ways and your younger one is
getting frustrated because your older one is not interested in playing
the way she wants to. In addition to blindness, there is an age gap
between them and probably personality differences as well that can
lead to disagreement.
My perspective is a little different because I am blind and my sighted
sister is older (by two years) rather than younger. I don't remember
interacting with her at age 3, but I do remember some interactions
when I was 6 or 7 and she was 8 or 9. I remember a lot of times when I
wanted to engage her in pretend games and she wasn't interested and
kept telling me to stop talking about things and people that weren't
real. She definitely wanted to play and interact with me, but just
wanted to play differently than I did because she was older and had
more advanced interests. Again, I don't think blindness factored into
this much if at all.
I definitely think that finding games and activities that fit both
their interests is the best way to start. This might be hard if they
are very different, but I think you should be able to find something
they can both enjoy and where blindness doesn't present any
disadvantage. I like the idea of playing in the dark. When they are a
little older they can also learn card games, board games etc.
I also think it's important to ensure you are giving both of them
roughly equal amounts of one-on-one attention and as Carol said, never
designate the sighted sibling as a helper. They should both be helping
each other.
Best,
Arielle

On 8/29/12, Carol Castellano <carol_castellano at verizon.net> wrote:
> Hi Julie,
>
> My blind child was almost 3 when my sighted child was born and I did
> have to work a bit to get them to play together.   My older one, a
> girl, wanted nothing to do with this annoying little guy who made
> noise, sat in her mommy's lap, knocked over her things, reached into
> her bowl, climbed up her leg, and practically turned himself inside
> out trying to get her attention.  It would have broken my heart if
> they grew up without a good relationship, so I was determined to work on
> it.
>
> One thing I did with my blind child was whenever we passed a park or
> playground, I pointed out the sounds of children laughing and playing
> and said things like "Oh, listen to the sound of the happy
> children.  They're playing and having fun, just like we do when we go
> to the park."  I was trying to have her associate the sounds of
> children with happy thoughts and activities she enjoyed.
>
> The other thing that entailed my blind child was teaching her how to
> pretend play, as others have mentioned.  The first time it happened,
> she went to sit down on the floor but accidentally sat down on me.  I
> laughed and said, "what do you think I am...a sofa?"  She thought
> that was hysterical and so we played sitting down on the pretend sofa
> for several happy minutes.  That was the first time I saw her pretend
> something.  We then went on to using a cardboard box to pretend to
> take a bath and using a Little People playschool set to pretend going
> to school.
>
> Regarding the two playing together, I found I had to be present in
> the beginning.  I used to read them many stories about animal
> families and the first game we played together was the dog family,
> with the mommy dog and the two puppies.  This was the first time she
> tolerated actual playing with her little brother.  The fun of the
> game trumped her disinterest in him--I think she finally found him
> useful for something!
>
> We went on to acting out stories, such as Jack & the Beanstalk.  I
> also banged out some notes on the piano that they moved/danced/jumped
> around to and made up some high note/low note games where they had to
> stand up or sit down as i played them.
>
> Hope some of these ideas will be helpful to your family.  Engaging
> the kids in something they both find fun, where they can see the
> value of each other as a team member, can help create a better
> relationship.
>
> I would use extreme caution about making your younger child a helper
> to the older one.  This could cause both children to internalize the
> idea that blind people always need help and this will not help your
> older one reach independence.  Find out the techniques that blind
> people use to perform tasks and teach them to your blind child.  If
> she needs assistance along the way, it is probably better to provide
> it yourself in a teaching way, rather than having your younger one
> provide it.  There will be times that your younger one assists your
> older one; but make sure there are an equal number of times that the
> older one assists the younger.  Hopefully, your children will then
> grow up to view themselves as competent and confident and to view
> each other as equals.
>
> Best wishes,
> Carol
>
> Carol Castellano
> President, Parents of Blind Children-NJ
> Director of Programs
> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
> 973-377-0976
> carol_castellano at verizon.net
> www.blindchildren.org
> www.nopbc.org
>
> At 12:33 PM 8/28/2012, you wrote:
>>I have 2 daughters. My 5 yr old is blind, my 3 yr old is not. We
>>have had a lot of aggressive behavior from our 3 yr old towards our
>>5 yr old. Althou the reasons for the aggression seem to be
>>multifaceted, but one that makes sense to us is that our 5 yr old
>>wont play with her. We have not pushed this because I understood why
>>my 5 yr old would not want to play with someone who hits bites,
>>pulls her hair, etc. I am trying very hard to facilitate play
>>between them, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. Lastnight
>>my 5 yr old said, I don't know how to play with her. This is true,
>>she doesn't know how to socialize with children very well. It is
>>something we have been working on and is in her IEP. Do any of you
>>have any experience, suggestions, recommendations for anything? We
>>are open to just about Anything at this point. We realize both our
>>girls have ha ing trouble because of this issue, and it's very sad,
>>and frustrating.
>>Thank you for any response!
>>Julie
>>
>>Sent from my iPad
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>
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