[blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior

Mon Jun 2 15:15:11 UTC 2014

Allison, those are great ideas. My cousin told me she had to play with me
because I was blind.  I was heart broken over that.  My Mom always worked
hard to make me independent but others, no matter how well meaning, may be
giving a very different message.  I thought my cousin liked to play with me.

-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Allison
Hilliker via blindkid
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2014 10:55 AM
To: oandemom .; Blind Kid Mailing List, (for parents of blind children)
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior

Hi Traci,

Sounds like you've been having quite a rough time! I think your idea about
having your daughter do volunteer work is a good one and you're on the right
track there.

I have a different theory of what could be behind her selfish behavior that
no one else here has mentioned yet. It's just a guess though because I've
never met your daughter...

Could some of her bossiness and selfish behavior come from special
privelages she's given because she's blind? I know most of us don't think we
give blind kids special privledges, but even if we don't, teachers and other
adults in their lives might be. 

Wwhen I was a kid, my 3rd grade teacher always let me walk at the head of
the line because I was partially blind. I was so young then that I didn't
even realize that my blindness was the reason for this special treatment. In
my 8-y-o brain, I just thought that the teacher believed I was better and
smarter than the other kids so I got to walk up front. When I later learned
otherwise, I didn't want to be at the front anymore. But for a while, I had
a misguided belief that I was somehow better than the other kids. That,
combined with my naturally strong personality, probably made me kinda bossy.

The point is that, whether we do it directly or indirectly, or whether we
mean to or not, we often give blind kids special privledges. Because these
kids are young and still learning how the world works, this special
treatment can be misinterpreted and lead the child to believe that she's
just better somehow and doesn't have to play by the same rules as everybody
else.

I'd recommend thinking about the areas in your daughter's life where she
might accidentally be getting the message that she's better or more
deserving somehow. Are there any chors that she doesn't have to perform just
because she's blind? Does she ever get to skip assignments in class that
other students have to do? Does she get special rules/treatment when groups
of kids are playing games? There are dozens of possible areas where a blind
kid could be getting special privledges and those privledges can have the
unintended consequence of making her feel more important than other people.

Just a thought. Hope it was helpful.

Best,
Allison

-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of oandemom .
via blindkid
Sent: Sunday, June 01, 2014 2:21 PM
To: Blind Kid Mailing List, (for parents of blind children)
Subject: [blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior

Hello!  I have a daughter, 9 and VI, who tends to be bossy and selfish.  I
feel I have to watch her interact with other children b/c she has a strong
personality and she wants to control what is being played.  I do my best on
this front.   Lately she has been very selfish, unless it is something that
benefits her, she isn't interested (you would think she is a teenager!) -
its very frustrating.  We talk about how she isn't allowed to disrupt our
family with her behavior (I do have some guidance from a special behavior
preschool that she attended but I'm going off what I remember back then, but
she attended mostly due to her social skills) - that she has to be a helpful
part of this family and do as she is told, etc.  Today, I have been reduced
to making her write something 100 times because I just don't know what to do
with her anymore.

I am trying to find some volunteer opportunities to have her give of her
time to help others and to think of others, but I know she will think it is
fun, b/c she is "working"  - she loves to work.  She may like it for 5 min
and then be done, so it may actually work out okay, but I need to try it.
I thought of soup kitchens, but she won't get that visual effect that is
what I'm really looking for to make her have an appreciation of what she
does have.

I don't really think taking things away from her will work, b/c she doesn't
even know half the stuff in her room, she is so out of sight, out of mind.

Does anyone know of any volunteer activities that they have done or seen
that a 9 year could be included in and really get something out of it.  We
talk all the time about how there are many kids who don't have what she has,
etc etc, but it just doesn't click with her, as I'm sure it doesn't for many
kids her age.

I would appreciate ANY suggestions!!!

Thanks,
Traci
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