[Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

Sat May 23 21:08:35 UTC 2009

Hi,

I love these kinds of topics.  I believe the issue of blind or sighted 
is mostly meaningless when it comes to whether you should touch someone 
or not.  It comes down more to how comfortable you are with what you are 
doing and your motivation for it.

The examples of folks talking with their hands is a great one.  It's not 
so much that they talk with their hands, but that touching is a means of 
communication.  In fact, if you are comfortable enough with yurself to 
touch someone else while speaking to them, you'll pull them into your 
paradigm.  This is common wisdom in the sales world.

For the blind among us, (myself included) this is most easily donw with 
the back of the hand and making solid contact.

When it comes to shaking hands, I decided to take the initiative early 
and often.  When someone doesn't take my hand, I leave it out there and 
then eventually start snapping my fingers.  This calls attention to the 
fact that the other people are not playing the social game.  I was 
taught that it is not obligatory for women to shake hands.  Long ago I 
decided that if women want equal rights, they can do the glad handing as 
well, so I expect them to shake and I do the snapping as well.  I 
sometimes let the elderly off the hook, though oddly, the older someone 
is, the more likely they are to initiate or take my hand.  Proper 
conduct seems to not always be taught to the younger generation.  Maybe 
we all need to go back to finishing school.

Now, if someone could explain the bowing protocol to me so that my Asian 
friends would be surprised and pleased by my manners, I would be very 
greatful.

Joel

On 5/23/2009 12:40 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz wrote:
> Hi Gerardo,
> I am also blind as a result of RP and a clinical psychologist.  My vision
> deteriorated at a different pace.  I drove a car until I was 27 and did not
> require adaptive technology to read and write until I was about 40.  Now, at
> 61, I have little more than light perception.  When younger, I was often
> embarrassed when my wife kindly noted that someone was reaching out to shake
> my hand and I was not noticing.  Eventually, I learned to avoid this problem
> by taking the initiative.  On occasion I reach out to discover that the
> person has quickly turned their back or departed, no big deal.  I have had
> no experience with the touching.  There are cultural differences in such
> nonverbal behaviors.  For example, cultures vary in terms of what is
> regarded as personal space.  Groups vary in terms of how close they stand to
> each other when speaking, and also with regard to touching which is common
> in some cultures and taboo in others.  Perhaps your blindness has led you to
> exceed what is common in your culture or your parents may have felt bad for
> you when they saw you reach out to touch someone and the person had
> departed.  There are also a group of behaviors known as blindisms.  We all
> conduct little rituals of personal hygiene when alone which we would not do
> in front of others.  There is a tendency, particularly if one loses their
> vision gradually to assume that others see as we do.  I am often surprised
> by what others can see.  We assume that if we can't see something others can
> not either.  This can lead us to embarrass ourselves by performing these
> grooming rituals in public.  Recently, I have noticed that when I am walking
> and thinking about a conversation which I had or will have with someone, I
> am moving my lips as if I were speaking.  I am working on suppressing this
> behavior as I am certain that the sighted would see it as strange.  Behavior
> is so ritualized, and blindness can lead us to engage in some peculiar ones.
> As professionals, in particular, we don't want to be seen as odd or
> idiosyncratic.
> Jeff
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Cindy Handel
> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 9:55 AM
> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>
> Gerardo,
>
> Most of the time, when I would like to shake the hand of a sighted person, I
>
> just extend my hand and they grasp it and we shake hands.
>
> As far as touching the arm of people, I've never done this.  When do you do
> this?  If you're talking with someone, it shouldn't be necessary, since
> they're participating in the conversation.  I think we've all experienced a
> time when we're talking to someone and learn that they walked away.  Now, if
>
> you're referring to touching a person's arm to make sure they're still there
>
> as a way to insure that you still have their attention, that's something
> different.  I have met sighted people who talk with their hands and touch my
>
> arm or shoulder, for emphasis.  So, that might not be so unusual.
>
> Cindy
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Gerardo Corripio"<gera1027 at prodigy.net.mx>
> To: "Blind-Talk"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:35 PM
> Subject: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>
>
> Hi listers:
> I'm Gerardo from Mexico; 31 years old and a Psychologist working on my own
> in my private practice.
> Hopefully I'll be able to learn lots of great things from you guys,
> especially of the NFB way of viewing and living with blindness.
> Now for my debut question: I've been blind all my life due to RP; since I
> was a teenager I remember developing a habbit of touching the arm of the
> people constanly to be sure he/she was still there. I continued to do this
> into adulthood until my family made the observation that this behavior isn't
> seen well by the sighted only a few days ago. I'm still shocked by this
> observation to the point that now how to know if the person is still there?
> Yes, the voice gives feedback but when people talk it feels as if they're
> there but aren't there. How have you coped with this situation in that you
> have to get rid of the habbit before-mentioned? Surely it has happened to
> some of you?
> also when shaking hands with sighted people how to find the hand to shake if
> the sighted person doesn't take the initiative?
> As you can see I've still have lots of tips and tricks to learn about
> blindness, thus my interest in joining the list.
> Gerardo
>
>
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