[Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

Sun May 24 00:29:59 UTC 2009

You're right though, it's probably easy to do in a non-dashing fashion.
j
well, the smirk helps.

On 5/23/2009 8:17 PM, Steve P. Deeley wrote:
> I don't think you want to snap your fingers if someone doesn't 
> immediately take your hand.  That's really not too cool!!  You can be 
> weird or cool.  \
>
> Steve
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Joel Zimba" <jzimba at cavtel.net>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 5:08 PM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>
>
>> Hi,
>>
>> I love these kinds of topics.  I believe the issue of blind or sighted
>> is mostly meaningless when it comes to whether you should touch someone
>> or not.  It comes down more to how comfortable you are with what you are
>> doing and your motivation for it.
>>
>> The examples of folks talking with their hands is a great one.  It's not
>> so much that they talk with their hands, but that touching is a means of
>> communication.  In fact, if you are comfortable enough with yurself to
>> touch someone else while speaking to them, you'll pull them into your
>> paradigm.  This is common wisdom in the sales world.
>>
>> For the blind among us, (myself included) this is most easily donw with
>> the back of the hand and making solid contact.
>>
>> When it comes to shaking hands, I decided to take the initiative early
>> and often.  When someone doesn't take my hand, I leave it out there and
>> then eventually start snapping my fingers.  This calls attention to the
>> fact that the other people are not playing the social game.  I was
>> taught that it is not obligatory for women to shake hands.  Long ago I
>> decided that if women want equal rights, they can do the glad handing as
>> well, so I expect them to shake and I do the snapping as well.  I
>> sometimes let the elderly off the hook, though oddly, the older someone
>> is, the more likely they are to initiate or take my hand.  Proper
>> conduct seems to not always be taught to the younger generation.  Maybe
>> we all need to go back to finishing school.
>>
>> Now, if someone could explain the bowing protocol to me so that my Asian
>> friends would be surprised and pleased by my manners, I would be very
>> greatful.
>>
>> Joel
>>
>> On 5/23/2009 12:40 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz wrote:
>>> Hi Gerardo,
>>> I am also blind as a result of RP and a clinical psychologist.  My 
>>> vision
>>> deteriorated at a different pace.  I drove a car until I was 27 and 
>>> did not
>>> require adaptive technology to read and write until I was about 40.  
>>> Now, at
>>> 61, I have little more than light perception.  When younger, I was 
>>> often
>>> embarrassed when my wife kindly noted that someone was reaching out 
>>> to shake
>>> my hand and I was not noticing.  Eventually, I learned to avoid this 
>>> problem
>>> by taking the initiative.  On occasion I reach out to discover that the
>>> person has quickly turned their back or departed, no big deal.  I 
>>> have had
>>> no experience with the touching.  There are cultural differences in 
>>> such
>>> nonverbal behaviors.  For example, cultures vary in terms of what is
>>> regarded as personal space.  Groups vary in terms of how close they 
>>> stand to
>>> each other when speaking, and also with regard to touching which is 
>>> common
>>> in some cultures and taboo in others.  Perhaps your blindness has 
>>> led you to
>>> exceed what is common in your culture or your parents may have felt 
>>> bad for
>>> you when they saw you reach out to touch someone and the person had
>>> departed.  There are also a group of behaviors known as blindisms.  
>>> We all
>>> conduct little rituals of personal hygiene when alone which we would 
>>> not do
>>> in front of others.  There is a tendency, particularly if one loses 
>>> their
>>> vision gradually to assume that others see as we do.  I am often 
>>> surprised
>>> by what others can see.  We assume that if we can't see something 
>>> others can
>>> not either.  This can lead us to embarrass ourselves by performing 
>>> these
>>> grooming rituals in public.  Recently, I have noticed that when I am 
>>> walking
>>> and thinking about a conversation which I had or will have with 
>>> someone, I
>>> am moving my lips as if I were speaking.  I am working on 
>>> suppressing this
>>> behavior as I am certain that the sighted would see it as strange. 
>>> Behavior
>>> is so ritualized, and blindness can lead us to engage in some 
>>> peculiar ones.
>>> As professionals, in particular, we don't want to be seen as odd or
>>> idiosyncratic.
>>> Jeff
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org 
>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>> Behalf Of Cindy Handel
>>> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 9:55 AM
>>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>>
>>> Gerardo,
>>>
>>> Most of the time, when I would like to shake the hand of a sighted 
>>> person, I
>>>
>>> just extend my hand and they grasp it and we shake hands.
>>>
>>> As far as touching the arm of people, I've never done this.  When do 
>>> you do
>>> this?  If you're talking with someone, it shouldn't be necessary, since
>>> they're participating in the conversation.  I think we've all 
>>> experienced a
>>> time when we're talking to someone and learn that they walked away.  
>>> Now, if
>>>
>>> you're referring to touching a person's arm to make sure they're 
>>> still there
>>>
>>> as a way to insure that you still have their attention, that's 
>>> something
>>> different.  I have met sighted people who talk with their hands and 
>>> touch my
>>>
>>> arm or shoulder, for emphasis.  So, that might not be so unusual.
>>>
>>> Cindy
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Gerardo Corripio"<gera1027 at prodigy.net.mx>
>>> To: "Blind-Talk"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:35 PM
>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>>
>>>
>>> Hi listers:
>>> I'm Gerardo from Mexico; 31 years old and a Psychologist working on 
>>> my own
>>> in my private practice.
>>> Hopefully I'll be able to learn lots of great things from you guys,
>>> especially of the NFB way of viewing and living with blindness.
>>> Now for my debut question: I've been blind all my life due to RP; 
>>> since I
>>> was a teenager I remember developing a habbit of touching the arm of 
>>> the
>>> people constanly to be sure he/she was still there. I continued to 
>>> do this
>>> into adulthood until my family made the observation that this 
>>> behavior isn't
>>> seen well by the sighted only a few days ago. I'm still shocked by this
>>> observation to the point that now how to know if the person is still 
>>> there?
>>> Yes, the voice gives feedback but when people talk it feels as if 
>>> they're
>>> there but aren't there. How have you coped with this situation in 
>>> that you
>>> have to get rid of the habbit before-mentioned? Surely it has 
>>> happened to
>>> some of you?
>>> also when shaking hands with sighted people how to find the hand to 
>>> shake if
>>> the sighted person doesn't take the initiative?
>>> As you can see I've still have lots of tips and tricks to learn about
>>> blindness, thus my interest in joining the list.
>>> Gerardo
>>>
>>>
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>>
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