[Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

Tue May 26 16:17:10 UTC 2009

gerardo,
I think I understand why you feel like you need to touch people during a
conversation. I often feel really awkward during the silent pauses when
talking to somebody, thinking what are they doing? Are they still there?
Unfortunately I don't have an answer for coping with this but you're not
alone in the boat.  I wouldn't touch the other person though, it wouldn't be
appropriate.
Mike

-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Steve P. Deeley
Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 5:18 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

I don't think you want to snap your fingers if someone doesn't immediately 
take your hand.  That's really not too cool!!  You can be weird or cool.  \

Steve
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Joel Zimba" <jzimba at cavtel.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 5:08 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

> Hi,
>
> I love these kinds of topics.  I believe the issue of blind or sighted
> is mostly meaningless when it comes to whether you should touch someone
> or not.  It comes down more to how comfortable you are with what you are
> doing and your motivation for it.
>
> The examples of folks talking with their hands is a great one.  It's not
> so much that they talk with their hands, but that touching is a means of
> communication.  In fact, if you are comfortable enough with yurself to
> touch someone else while speaking to them, you'll pull them into your
> paradigm.  This is common wisdom in the sales world.
>
> For the blind among us, (myself included) this is most easily donw with
> the back of the hand and making solid contact.
>
> When it comes to shaking hands, I decided to take the initiative early
> and often.  When someone doesn't take my hand, I leave it out there and
> then eventually start snapping my fingers.  This calls attention to the
> fact that the other people are not playing the social game.  I was
> taught that it is not obligatory for women to shake hands.  Long ago I
> decided that if women want equal rights, they can do the glad handing as
> well, so I expect them to shake and I do the snapping as well.  I
> sometimes let the elderly off the hook, though oddly, the older someone
> is, the more likely they are to initiate or take my hand.  Proper
> conduct seems to not always be taught to the younger generation.  Maybe
> we all need to go back to finishing school.
>
> Now, if someone could explain the bowing protocol to me so that my Asian
> friends would be surprised and pleased by my manners, I would be very
> greatful.
>
> Joel
>
> On 5/23/2009 12:40 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz wrote:
>> Hi Gerardo,
>> I am also blind as a result of RP and a clinical psychologist.  My vision
>> deteriorated at a different pace.  I drove a car until I was 27 and did 
>> not
>> require adaptive technology to read and write until I was about 40.  Now,

>> at
>> 61, I have little more than light perception.  When younger, I was often
>> embarrassed when my wife kindly noted that someone was reaching out to 
>> shake
>> my hand and I was not noticing.  Eventually, I learned to avoid this 
>> problem
>> by taking the initiative.  On occasion I reach out to discover that the
>> person has quickly turned their back or departed, no big deal.  I have 
>> had
>> no experience with the touching.  There are cultural differences in such
>> nonverbal behaviors.  For example, cultures vary in terms of what is
>> regarded as personal space.  Groups vary in terms of how close they stand

>> to
>> each other when speaking, and also with regard to touching which is 
>> common
>> in some cultures and taboo in others.  Perhaps your blindness has led you

>> to
>> exceed what is common in your culture or your parents may have felt bad 
>> for
>> you when they saw you reach out to touch someone and the person had
>> departed.  There are also a group of behaviors known as blindisms.  We 
>> all
>> conduct little rituals of personal hygiene when alone which we would not 
>> do
>> in front of others.  There is a tendency, particularly if one loses their
>> vision gradually to assume that others see as we do.  I am often 
>> surprised
>> by what others can see.  We assume that if we can't see something others 
>> can
>> not either.  This can lead us to embarrass ourselves by performing these
>> grooming rituals in public.  Recently, I have noticed that when I am 
>> walking
>> and thinking about a conversation which I had or will have with someone, 
>> I
>> am moving my lips as if I were speaking.  I am working on suppressing 
>> this
>> behavior as I am certain that the sighted would see it as strange. 
>> Behavior
>> is so ritualized, and blindness can lead us to engage in some peculiar 
>> ones.
>> As professionals, in particular, we don't want to be seen as odd or
>> idiosyncratic.
>> Jeff
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Cindy Handel
>> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 9:55 AM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>
>> Gerardo,
>>
>> Most of the time, when I would like to shake the hand of a sighted 
>> person, I
>>
>> just extend my hand and they grasp it and we shake hands.
>>
>> As far as touching the arm of people, I've never done this.  When do you 
>> do
>> this?  If you're talking with someone, it shouldn't be necessary, since
>> they're participating in the conversation.  I think we've all experienced

>> a
>> time when we're talking to someone and learn that they walked away.  Now,

>> if
>>
>> you're referring to touching a person's arm to make sure they're still 
>> there
>>
>> as a way to insure that you still have their attention, that's something
>> different.  I have met sighted people who talk with their hands and touch

>> my
>>
>> arm or shoulder, for emphasis.  So, that might not be so unusual.
>>
>> Cindy
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Gerardo Corripio"<gera1027 at prodigy.net.mx>
>> To: "Blind-Talk"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:35 PM
>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>
>>
>> Hi listers:
>> I'm Gerardo from Mexico; 31 years old and a Psychologist working on my 
>> own
>> in my private practice.
>> Hopefully I'll be able to learn lots of great things from you guys,
>> especially of the NFB way of viewing and living with blindness.
>> Now for my debut question: I've been blind all my life due to RP; since I
>> was a teenager I remember developing a habbit of touching the arm of the
>> people constanly to be sure he/she was still there. I continued to do 
>> this
>> into adulthood until my family made the observation that this behavior 
>> isn't
>> seen well by the sighted only a few days ago. I'm still shocked by this
>> observation to the point that now how to know if the person is still 
>> there?
>> Yes, the voice gives feedback but when people talk it feels as if they're
>> there but aren't there. How have you coped with this situation in that 
>> you
>> have to get rid of the habbit before-mentioned? Surely it has happened to
>> some of you?
>> also when shaking hands with sighted people how to find the hand to shake

>> if
>> the sighted person doesn't take the initiative?
>> As you can see I've still have lots of tips and tricks to learn about
>> blindness, thus my interest in joining the list.
>> Gerardo
>>
>>
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>
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