[Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

Tue May 26 14:01:44 UTC 2009

 This is an interesting topic that is very helpful because of the
candidness of the respondents.  Because of that I would like to ask a
question.
Sighted people use eye contact to initiate communication.  Obviously,
that does not work for initiating communication with a person who is
blind.  That is why it is awkward for a waitress in a restaurant or for
a stranger in a mall to make first contact in a way to know the speaker
is addressing the person who is blind.
A number of totally blind friends recommend a light quick touch to let
them know they are the person being addressed, so that is what I
recommend.  I was wondering what some or you think.
Also, many people who are totally blind like to hold and cling during a
conversation.  That can get pretty awkward and down right embarrassing a
times. 
I would appreciate your thoughts.

Paul Weingartner
Making the Cross Accessible
Center for the Blind of the Assemblies of God
P 417.831.1964   F 417.862.5120
www.blind.ag.org
www.blindonline.ag.org

-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On Behalf Of Steve P. Deeley
Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 7:47 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

It has nothing to do with blindness in my case.  I just hate being
touched.

Steve
----- Original Message -----
From: "dewey bradley" <dewey.bradley at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, May 25, 2009 8:40 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

> Allot of sighted people think that they can't talk to us without
putting
> there hands on us.
> The thing is allot of people like my self really hate to be touched,
When 
> we
> ask them to please take there hands off, they get mad.
> I guess there is no across the board answer for things like this.
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Steve P. Deeley" <stevep.deeley at insightbb.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, May 25, 2009 10:42 AM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>
>
>> This is a very complicated topic.  There are those, like me, who
don't
>> like being touched during conversations with individuals I really
don't
>> know very well.  I'm wondering if blind individuals understand
spacial
>> concepts during conversations.  You don't want to be too close during
a
>> conversation or too far away.  I suspect most of us who understand
this
>> art have had some coaching from sighted individuals whom they trust.
>> \
>> Steve
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "trishs" <slosser at metrocast.net>
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Sunday, May 24, 2009 10:46 PM
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>
>>
>>>I was raised giving and receiving warm hand shakes, or in some
>>> situations, embraces and or kisses, all of which seem to me to be
>>> quite germ spreading!  I like the bowing idea a lot!
>>>
>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>From: Joel Zimba <jzimba at cavtel.net
>>>>To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>Date sent: Sat, 23 May 2009 17:08:35 -0400
>>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>
>>>>Hi,
>>>
>>>>I love these kinds of topics.  I believe the issue of blind or
>>> sighted
>>>>is mostly meaningless when it comes to whether you should touch
>>> someone
>>>>or not.  It comes down more to how comfortable you are with what
>>> you are
>>>>doing and your motivation for it.
>>>
>>>>The examples of folks talking with their hands is a great one.
>>> It's not
>>>>so much that they talk with their hands, but that touching is a
>>> means of
>>>>communication.  In fact, if you are comfortable enough with
>>> yurself to
>>>>touch someone else while speaking to them, you'll pull them into
>>> your
>>>>paradigm.  This is common wisdom in the sales world.
>>>
>>>>For the blind among us, (myself included) this is most easily
>>> donw with
>>>>the back of the hand and making solid contact.
>>>
>>>>When it comes to shaking hands, I decided to take the initiative
>>> early
>>>>and often.  When someone doesn't take my hand, I leave it out
>>> there and
>>>>then eventually start snapping my fingers.  This calls attention
>>> to the
>>>>fact that the other people are not playing the social game.  I
>>> was
>>>>taught that it is not obligatory for women to shake hands.  Long
>>> ago I
>>>>decided that if women want equal rights, they can do the glad
>>> handing as
>>>>well, so I expect them to shake and I do the snapping as well.  I
>>>>sometimes let the elderly off the hook, though oddly, the older
>>> someone
>>>>is, the more likely they are to initiate or take my hand.  Proper
>>>>conduct seems to not always be taught to the younger generation.
>>> Maybe
>>>>we all need to go back to finishing school.
>>>
>>>>Now, if someone could explain the bowing protocol to me so that
>>> my Asian
>>>>friends would be surprised and pleased by my manners, I would be
>>> very
>>>>greatful.
>>>
>>>>Joel
>>>
>>>>On 5/23/2009 12:40 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz wrote:
>>>>> Hi Gerardo,
>>>>> I am also blind as a result of RP and a clinical psychologist.
>>> My vision
>>>>> deteriorated at a different pace.  I drove a car until I was 27
>>> and did not
>>>>> require adaptive technology to read and write until I was about
>>> 40.  Now, at
>>>>> 61, I have little more than light perception.  When younger, I
>>> was often
>>>>> embarrassed when my wife kindly noted that someone was reaching
>>> out to shake
>>>>> my hand and I was not noticing.  Eventually, I learned to avoid
>>> this problem
>>>>> by taking the initiative.  On occasion I reach out to discover
>>> that the
>>>>> person has quickly turned their back or departed, no big deal.
>>> I have had
>>>>> no experience with the touching.  There are cultural differences
>>> in such
>>>>> nonverbal behaviors.  For example, cultures vary in terms of
>>> what is
>>>>> regarded as personal space.  Groups vary in terms of how close
>>> they stand to
>>>>> each other when speaking, and also with regard to touching which
>>> is common
>>>>> in some cultures and taboo in others.  Perhaps your blindness
>>> has led you to
>>>>> exceed what is common in your culture or your parents may have
>>> felt bad for
>>>>> you when they saw you reach out to touch someone and the person
>>> had
>>>>> departed.  There are also a group of behaviors known as
>>> blindisms.  We all
>>>>> conduct little rituals of personal hygiene when alone which we
>>> would not do
>>>>> in front of others.  There is a tendency, particularly if one
>>> loses their
>>>>> vision gradually to assume that others see as we do.  I am often
>>> surprised
>>>>> by what others can see.  We assume that if we can't see
>>> something others can
>>>>> not either.  This can lead us to embarrass ourselves by
>>> performing these
>>>>> grooming rituals in public.  Recently, I have noticed that when
>>> I am walking
>>>>> and thinking about a conversation which I had or will have with
>>> someone, I
>>>>> am moving my lips as if I were speaking.  I am working on
>>> suppressing this
>>>>> behavior as I am certain that the sighted would see it as
>>> strange.  Behavior
>>>>> is so ritualized, and blindness can lead us to engage in some
>>> peculiar ones.
>>>>> As professionals, in particular, we don't want to be seen as odd
>>> or
>>>>> idiosyncratic.
>>>>> Jeff
>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>>>> Behalf Of Cindy Handel
>>>>> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 9:55 AM
>>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>>
>>>>> Gerardo,
>>>
>>>>> Most of the time, when I would like to shake the hand of a
>>> sighted person, I
>>>
>>>>> just extend my hand and they grasp it and we shake hands.
>>>
>>>>> As far as touching the arm of people, I've never done this.
>>> When do you do
>>>>> this?  If you're talking with someone, it shouldn't be
>>> necessary, since
>>>>> they're participating in the conversation.  I think we've all
>>> experienced a
>>>>> time when we're talking to someone and learn that they walked
>>> away.  Now, if
>>>
>>>>> you're referring to touching a person's arm to make sure they're
>>> still there
>>>
>>>>> as a way to insure that you still have their attention, that's
>>> something
>>>>> different.  I have met sighted people who talk with their hands
>>> and touch my
>>>
>>>>> arm or shoulder, for emphasis.  So, that might not be so
>>> unusual.
>>>
>>>>> Cindy
>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>> From: "Gerardo Corripio"<gera1027 at prodigy.net.mx
>>>>> To: "Blind-Talk"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:35 PM
>>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>>
>>>
>>>>> Hi listers:
>>>>> I'm Gerardo from Mexico; 31 years old and a Psychologist working
>>> on my own
>>>>> in my private practice.
>>>>> Hopefully I'll be able to learn lots of great things from you
>>> guys,
>>>>> especially of the NFB way of viewing and living with blindness.
>>>>> Now for my debut question: I've been blind all my life due to
>>> RP; since I
>>>>> was a teenager I remember developing a habbit of touching the
>>> arm of the
>>>>> people constanly to be sure he/she was still there.  I continued
>>> to do this
>>>>> into adulthood until my family made the observation that this
>>> behavior isn't
>>>>> seen well by the sighted only a few days ago.  I'm still shocked
>>> by this
>>>>> observation to the point that now how to know if the person is
>>> still there?
>>>>> Yes, the voice gives feedback but when people talk it feels as
>>> if they're
>>>>> there but aren't there.  How have you coped with this situation
>>> in that you
>>>>> have to get rid of the habbit before-mentioned? Surely it has
>>> happened to
>>>>> some of you?
>>>>> also when shaking hands with sighted people how to find the hand
>>> to shake if
>>>>> the sighted person doesn't take the initiative?
>>>>> As you can see I've still have lots of tips and tricks to learn
>>> about
>>>>> blindness, thus my interest in joining the list.
>>>>> Gerardo
>>>
>>>
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