[Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
trishs
slosser at metrocast.net
Sat May 30 04:15:58 UTC 2009
Just keem in mind that many people might feel it's a touch too
much.
> ----- Original Message -----
>From: "Marty James" <blindamp at q.com
>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>Date sent: Thu, 28 May 2009 13:31:38 -0500
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>I grew up with perfect sight until I was almost 40 and I guess I
am just
>different, I am a touchy person. When I talk to anyone, now or
before I went
>blind, I enjoy a light touch from anyone. I am also of the
mindset that
>touching another while conversing shows you are giving them your
total
>concentration and even to show emotion.
>Marty
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Sarah Baughn" <sarahb006 at comcast.net
>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 12:14 PM
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>I don't know where that stereotype came from that totally blind
people
>>cling to people when they talk to them, but I really resent that,
because I
>>don't cling. I really try not even to touch people unless I am
close to
>>them, because I know how some people hate to be touched, and even
if they
>>don't mind being touched, they don't like to be touched for a
long time.
>> Sarah
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "trishs" <slosser at metrocast.net
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 4:25 PM
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>> For my contribution, a light touch is acceptable, preferably on
the
>>> elbow, as apposed to the hand or shoulder. After all parties
are
>>> introduced, just speaking the blind person's name, if necessary,
is
>>> sufficient.
>>> Think of it as if we were talking on the phone. As soon as I
know
>>> someone is calling, the interaction begins. It's done
effectively and
>>> successfully, lacking the visuals of facial expressions, which I
can
>>> perceive any way, at least, to a degree that I can have
relationships
>>> with family and friends, all-be-it with adaptations.
>>> I wanted to mention that personally, it's more stressful for me,
the
>>> blind person, to initiate the first contact, knowing that
sighted people
>>> require, and are LOST without, eye contact. If you're not able
to see it
>>> being done, or if you're unable to roll your eyes in a direction
>>> indicating "Come with me, that way," you're immediately at a
>>> disadvantage.
>>> Regarding the totally blind people clinging, I have no
experience. My
>>> only advice is do not allow yourself to feel vulnerable,
insecure, or
>>> uncomfortable with others actions.
>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>From: "Weingartner, Paul" <PWeingartner at ag.org
>>>>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>Date sent: Tue, 26 May 2009 09:01:44 -0500
>>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>> This is an interesting topic that is very helpful because of the
>>>>candidness of the respondents. Because of that I would like to
>>> ask a
>>>>question.
>>>>Sighted people use eye contact to initiate communication.
>>> Obviously,
>>>>that does not work for initiating communication with a person who
>>> is
>>>>blind. That is why it is awkward for a waitress in a restaurant
>>> or for
>>>>a stranger in a mall to make first contact in a way to know the
>>> speaker
>>>>is addressing the person who is blind.
>>>>A number of totally blind friends recommend a light quick touch
>>> to let
>>>>them know they are the person being addressed, so that is what I
>>>>recommend. I was wondering what some or you think.
>>>>Also, many people who are totally blind like to hold and cling
>>> during a
>>>>conversation. That can get pretty awkward and down right
>>> embarrassing a
>>>>times.
>>>>I would appreciate your thoughts.
>>>>Paul Weingartner
>>>>Making the Cross Accessible
>>>>Center for the Blind of the Assemblies of God
>>>>P 417.831.1964 F 417.862.5120
>>>>www.blind.ag.org
>>>>www.blindonline.ag.org
>>>>-----Original Message-----
>>>>From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>>>On Behalf Of Steve P. Deeley
>>>>Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 7:47 AM
>>>>To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>It has nothing to do with blindness in my case. I just hate
>>> being
>>>>touched.
>>>>Steve
>>>>----- Original Message -----
>>>>From: "dewey bradley" <dewey.bradley at gmail.com
>>>>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>Sent: Monday, May 25, 2009 8:40 PM
>>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>> Allot of sighted people think that they can't talk to us without
>>>>putting
>>>>> there hands on us.
>>>>> The thing is allot of people like my self really hate to be
>>> touched,
>>>>When
>>>>> we
>>>>> ask them to please take there hands off, they get mad.
>>>>> I guess there is no across the board answer for things like
>>> this.
>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>> From: "Steve P. Deeley" <stevep.deeley at insightbb.com
>>>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>> Sent: Monday, May 25, 2009 10:42 AM
>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>>> This is a very complicated topic. There are those, like me, who
>>>>don't
>>>>>> like being touched during conversations with individuals I
>>> really
>>>>don't
>>>>>> know very well. I'm wondering if blind individuals understand
>>>>spacial
>>>>>> concepts during conversations. You don't want to be too close
>>> during
>>>>a
>>>>>> conversation or too far away. I suspect most of us who
>>> understand
>>>>this
>>>>>> art have had some coaching from sighted individuals whom they
>>> trust.
>>>>>> \
>>>>>> Steve
>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>> From: "trishs" <slosser at metrocast.net
>>>>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>> Sent: Sunday, May 24, 2009 10:46 PM
>>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>>>>I was raised giving and receiving warm hand shakes, or in some
>>>>>>> situations, embraces and or kisses, all of which seem to me to
>>> be
>>>>>>> quite germ spreading! I like the bowing idea a lot!
>>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>>From: Joel Zimba <jzimba at cavtel.net
>>>>>>>>To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>Date sent: Sat, 23 May 2009 17:08:35 -0400
>>>>>>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>>>>>Hi,
>>>>>>>>I love these kinds of topics. I believe the issue of blind or
>>>>>>> sighted
>>>>>>>>is mostly meaningless when it comes to whether you should touch
>>>>>>> someone
>>>>>>>>or not. It comes down more to how comfortable you are with what
>>>>>>> you are
>>>>>>>>doing and your motivation for it.
>>>>>>>>The examples of folks talking with their hands is a great one.
>>>>>>> It's not
>>>>>>>>so much that they talk with their hands, but that touching is a
>>>>>>> means of
>>>>>>>>communication. In fact, if you are comfortable enough with
>>>>>>> yurself to
>>>>>>>>touch someone else while speaking to them, you'll pull them into
>>>>>>> your
>>>>>>>>paradigm. This is common wisdom in the sales world.
>>>>>>>>For the blind among us, (myself included) this is most easily
>>>>>>> donw with
>>>>>>>>the back of the hand and making solid contact.
>>>>>>>>When it comes to shaking hands, I decided to take the initiative
>>>>>>> early
>>>>>>>>and often. When someone doesn't take my hand, I leave it out
>>>>>>> there and
>>>>>>>>then eventually start snapping my fingers. This calls attention
>>>>>>> to the
>>>>>>>>fact that the other people are not playing the social game. I
>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>>>taught that it is not obligatory for women to shake hands. Long
>>>>>>> ago I
>>>>>>>>decided that if women want equal rights, they can do the glad
>>>>>>> handing as
>>>>>>>>well, so I expect them to shake and I do the snapping as well. I
>>>>>>>>sometimes let the elderly off the hook, though oddly, the older
>>>>>>> someone
>>>>>>>>is, the more likely they are to initiate or take my hand. Proper
>>>>>>>>conduct seems to not always be taught to the younger generation.
>>>>>>> Maybe
>>>>>>>>we all need to go back to finishing school.
>>>>>>>>Now, if someone could explain the bowing protocol to me so that
>>>>>>> my Asian
>>>>>>>>friends would be surprised and pleased by my manners, I would be
>>>>>>> very
>>>>>>>>greatful.
>>>>>>>>Joel
>>>>>>>>On 5/23/2009 12:40 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz wrote:
>>>>>>>>> Hi Gerardo,
>>>>>>>>> I am also blind as a result of RP and a clinical psychologist.
>>>>>>> My vision
>>>>>>>>> deteriorated at a different pace. I drove a car until I was 27
>>>>>>> and did not
>>>>>>>>> require adaptive technology to read and write until I was about
>>>>>>> 40. Now, at
>>>>>>>>> 61, I have little more than light perception. When younger, I
>>>>>>> was often
>>>>>>>>> embarrassed when my wife kindly noted that someone was reaching
>>>>>>> out to shake
>>>>>>>>> my hand and I was not noticing. Eventually, I learned to avoid
>>>>>>> this problem
>>>>>>>>> by taking the initiative. On occasion I reach out to discover
>>>>>>> that the
>>>>>>>>> person has quickly turned their back or departed, no big deal.
>>>>>>> I have had
>>>>>>>>> no experience with the touching. There are cultural differences
>>>>>>> in such
>>>>>>>>> nonverbal behaviors. For example, cultures vary in terms of
>>>>>>> what is
>>>>>>>>> regarded as personal space. Groups vary in terms of how close
>>>>>>> they stand to
>>>>>>>>> each other when speaking, and also with regard to touching which
>>>>>>> is common
>>>>>>>>> in some cultures and taboo in others. Perhaps your blindness
>>>>>>> has led you to
>>>>>>>>> exceed what is common in your culture or your parents may have
>>>>>>> felt bad for
>>>>>>>>> you when they saw you reach out to touch someone and the person
>>>>>>> had
>>>>>>>>> departed. There are also a group of behaviors known as
>>>>>>> blindisms. We all
>>>>>>>>> conduct little rituals of personal hygiene when alone which we
>>>>>>> would not do
>>>>>>>>> in front of others. There is a tendency, particularly if one
>>>>>>> loses their
>>>>>>>>> vision gradually to assume that others see as we do. I am often
>>>>>>> surprised
>>>>>>>>> by what others can see. We assume that if we can't see
>>>>>>> something others can
>>>>>>>>> not either. This can lead us to embarrass ourselves by
>>>>>>> performing these
>>>>>>>>> grooming rituals in public. Recently, I have noticed that when
>>>>>>> I am walking
>>>>>>>>> and thinking about a conversation which I had or will have with
>>>>>>> someone, I
>>>>>>>>> am moving my lips as if I were speaking. I am working on
>>>>>>> suppressing this
>>>>>>>>> behavior as I am certain that the sighted would see it as
>>>>>>> strange. Behavior
>>>>>>>>> is so ritualized, and blindness can lead us to engage in some
>>>>>>> peculiar ones.
>>>>>>>>> As professionals, in particular, we don't want to be seen as odd
>>>>>>> or
>>>>>>>>> idiosyncratic.
>>>>>>>>> Jeff
>>>>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>>>>>>>> Behalf Of Cindy Handel
>>>>>>>>> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 9:55 AM
>>>>>>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>>>>>> Gerardo,
>>>>>>>>> Most of the time, when I would like to shake the hand of a
>>>>>>> sighted person, I
>>>>>>>>> just extend my hand and they grasp it and we shake hands.
>>>>>>>>> As far as touching the arm of people, I've never done this.
>>>>>>> When do you do
>>>>>>>>> this? If you're talking with someone, it shouldn't be
>>>>>>> necessary, since
>>>>>>>>> they're participating in the conversation. I think we've all
>>>>>>> experienced a
>>>>>>>>> time when we're talking to someone and learn that they walked
>>>>>>> away. Now, if
>>>>>>>>> you're referring to touching a person's arm to make sure they're
>>>>>>> still there
>>>>>>>>> as a way to insure that you still have their attention, that's
>>>>>>> something
>>>>>>>>> different. I have met sighted people who talk with their hands
>>>>>>> and touch my
>>>>>>>>> arm or shoulder, for emphasis. So, that might not be so
>>>>>>> unusual.
>>>>>>>>> Cindy
>>>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>>> From: "Gerardo Corripio"<gera1027 at prodigy.net.mx
>>>>>>>>> To: "Blind-Talk"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:35 PM
>>>>>>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>>>>>> Hi listers:
>>>>>>>>> I'm Gerardo from Mexico; 31 years old and a Psychologist working
>>>>>>> on my own
>>>>>>>>> in my private practice.
>>>>>>>>> Hopefully I'll be able to learn lots of great things from you
>>>>>>> guys,
>>>>>>>>> especially of the NFB way of viewing and living with blindness.
>>>>>>>>> Now for my debut question: I've been blind all my life due to
>>>>>>> RP; since I
>>>>>>>>> was a teenager I remember developing a habbit of touching the
>>>>>>> arm of the
>>>>>>>>> people constanly to be sure he/she was still there. I continued
>>>>>>> to do this
>>>>>>>>> into adulthood until my family made the observation that this
>>>>>>> behavior isn't
>>>>>>>>> seen well by the sighted only a few days ago. I'm still shocked
>>>>>>> by this
>>>>>>>>> observation to the point that now how to know if the person is
>>>>>>> still there?
>>>>>>>>> Yes, the voice gives feedback but when people talk it feels as
>>>>>>> if they're
>>>>>>>>> there but aren't there. How have you coped with this situation
>>>>>>> in that you
>>>>>>>>> have to get rid of the habbit before-mentioned? Surely it has
>>>>>>> happened to
>>>>>>>>> some of you?
>>>>>>>>> also when shaking hands with sighted people how to find the hand
>>>>>>> to shake if
>>>>>>>>> the sighted person doesn't take the initiative?
>>>>>>>>> As you can see I've still have lots of tips and tricks to learn
>>>>>>> about
>>>>>>>>> blindness, thus my interest in joining the list.
>>>>>>>>> Gerardo
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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