[Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support

[Graves, Diane]

Hi Gary,

Well, I was debating, but, having seen your story, I feel compelled to post the lesson I learned just a couple of hours or so ago, as well.

I learned that I might not want to get too "full of myself," and start by giving folks the benefit of the doubt. I was on my way down to the cafeteria deep in thought, even singing to myself, (very quietly, of course LOL) and I stopped by the ATM machine. I have the sequence memorized so that I can withdraw from checking. Well, I did my business and walked away from the machine.

I hear this lady saying "ma'am? Ma'am?" Although I didn't know for sure, I  thought that she was probably talking to me, and, based on past interchanges, I  figured that she was going to tell me that I was about to run into the closed door that I knew was there.  I continued to walk, justifying my action by the fact that I didn't know for sure that she was talking to me. 

Then, all of the sudden I hear this "hey, blind lady? Blind lady?" This  of course irritated me even more, but I finally turned around and acknowledged her. 

As it happened, I was so lost in thought, that I had left my card in the machine. Had I continued to ignore or be rude to her, I would likely have found myself in some serious trouble. This experience has definitely given me back a dose of humility, and reminded me that while we do not have to give up our dignity, we do need to maintain an even balance.


Diane Graves
Civil Rights Specialist
Indiana Civil Rights Commission
Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
317-232-2647
 
"It is service that measures success."
George Washington Carver
 
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-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gary Wunder
Sent: Monday, December 13, 2010 1:39 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support

I like this post about people who are affirming to everyone.  Since my last
post told a story about a driver who offended me, I should be fair and tell
a story about a driver who should have been offended at my conduct.  Several
years ago a friend of mine, learning that I was paying a fairly high rate to
go to and from work, decided that she would offer me a ride home.  I thanked
her, thinking this would be a one time deal, and it turned out that we rode
together for several years.  She wouldn't take a dime.  Once in a great
while she would take a lunch or some kind of gift, but she really did not
want us to have anything like a paid relationship based on transportation.
In her mind I was right on her way, she was glad to help.

About a week into our transportation arrangement, I noticed that she would
quickly jump in her car, slide over, and open my door.  That bothered me
since I was perfectly capable of opening the door myself.  Because she was
so friendly in offering me a ride, I wanted to deal with this in a tactful
way but wasn't quite sure how to do it.  The longer I thought, the longer
this went on, and it's a little like not knowing someone's name: if you ask
right off the bat who it is, you know, but after you've talked with them for
five or 10 minutes, it's awfully difficult to admit this person is a
stranger to you.

It turns out that on this particular truck, there was no way for her to
unlock the door short of actually using the door handle.  She was only doing
for me what she would do for any passenger in her vehicle.  I put a lot of
mental energy into worrying about an issue which wasn't an issue at all.  I
took a slight where none was intended or given.



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