[Blindtlk] Inferiority complex with disability vsnondisabledsociety

[Mike Freeman]

Wise words, Julie.

If Peter doesn't respect himself, why should anyone else?

I think it was Rabbi Hil-el who wrote: "If I am not for myself, who *will* 
be fore me? But if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when"?

Mike Freeman

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Julie J" <julielj at windstream.net>
To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 2010 5:58 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Inferiority complex with disability 
vsnondisabledsociety


> Responding to some of your thoughts...
>
> I think comparing what you are capable of with what you are actually doing 
> is a much better use of your time, than imaginary comparisons of yourself 
> to others or imaginary comparisons of what might have been if you were 
> sighted. BTW sighted people play the what if game too.  They just pick 
> different criteria...what if I had gone to college?  what if I took that 
> other job instead of going into the family business?
>
> There are most definitely people who have had very, very rough childhoods 
> who have come out the other side doing very well for themselves.  I just 
> met a young lady who was in 21 different foster homes.  She is now in 
> college studying veterinary science.  No, she's not blind, but I'd bet her 
> experience was trying all the same.  We all have our struggles.  Blindness 
> is just an obvious one that everyone notices right away.
>
> I'm 36 and while I've only been blind for about the past 16 years or so, I 
> have to say that I wouldn't rank blindness as one of the top three most 
> difficult things I've had to live through.  That's just my perspective 
> though.  Someone else with the same experiences might see the whole thing 
> very differently.
>
> Blame serves no purpose other than to distract one from claiming 
> responsibility.  Shit happens and life sucks sometimes.  I've gotten to 
> work to find that there was a power outage and my computer doesn't work. 
> Who should I blame?  To me the answer is no one.  I just deal with it. 
> Blaming someone, even myself, is not going to get the computer working any 
> faster. I put my energy into what works.
>
> I also used to be sighted, although I have always had some degree of 
> vision loss.  I used to be able to open a book and read it, read a street 
> sign or look at a map.  I'm trying to think of words to explain my 
> thoughts about having vision once...but there aren't really any coming to 
> my mind.  I sometimes miss the convenience of it, but I don't actually 
> miss "seeing". I've been blind for long enough now that I think in terms 
> of blindness.  For example when I need to jot down a phone number, it 
> doesn't cross my mind to grab an ink pen.  I automatically reach for the 
> slate and stylus.  I think good adjustment to blindness training is the 
> best way to learn the skills and make the mental leap to thinking in terms 
> of blindness.
>
> You asked about help and whether people help because they feel sorry for 
> us. I have no idea.  Honestly it is pretty rare that people offer help to 
> me without my initiating a request for it.  I do find that if I make a 
> conscious effort to look lost, dazed and confused that I will attract more 
> offers.  Useful sometimes, but then again I am also a woman and that has a 
> whole other set of social issues with it.
>
> You mentioned accessible books, family members leaving chairs out, 
> accessible currency and repeated attempts to educate people about 
> blindness. Please understand that I don't mean to be harsh here.  If you 
> are waiting on the whole world to change to meet your needs, you are going 
> to be waiting quite a while.  You have to do what you can do and leave the 
> rest for another day.  All I can do is the best that I can do.  If I talk 
> to my family about pushing in chairs that is all I can do about that.  If 
> I need to use my cane in the house, move or walk more carefully in that 
> area, well, those are also things I can do.  I won't like it and I'll 
> probably complain loudly, but in the end whose responsibility is it to 
> keep me safe and happy?
>
> Respect ...ahhh! One of my favorite topics!  You teach people how to 
> respect you.  Carry yourself with confidence and poise, treat others with 
> respect and most of all respect yourself.  If you've got all that the bit 
> about others respecting you will fall into place almost as if by magic.
>
> Thank you so much for reaching out to the people on this list.  I feel 
> honored that you shared so much of yourself so honestly.  I believe,  as 
> others have suggested, that you would benefit immensely from attending a 
> training center and connecting with other blind people.
>
> Julie
>
>
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