[Blindtlk] Inferiority complex with Disabilities

[Gary Wunder]

Hi Mari. You have asked me for advice, but probably the best I can do is 
give you some thoughts. Whether they end up being good advice you will have 
to decide. If I try to give you advice, not only may it not be on target, 
but I may go into my preaching mode rather than my offering experience mode, 
and I'm much more comfortable with the latter. If I try to deal with your 
letter point by point, don't get the idea that I'm arguing with you. Neither 
of us have anything to gain from that.

You start by saying that you are a burden to your friends, husband and 
family. This may be so, but it doesn't have to be. There are many ways to 
set up relationships with volunteers which are mutually beneficial. One 
volunteer who works for me is 27 years old. She has gone through some rocky 
times in her life, and has rebuilt it so that she now is employed in a very 
responsible job. Her help to me is that she drives and sometimes does some 
reading. My help to her is to be a listening ear when she finds things 
difficult, and to convince her that the place she wants to occupy in the 
world is indeed occupied by others, namely me and my family. I let her know 
that the world presents an uphill struggle not just to her but to each and 
everyone of us who face our own kind of adversity.

Another volunteer is several years past retirement. Her husband died more 
than 10 years ago. She is, without a doubt, a very lonely person, and she 
likes our sessions because not only do we read, and go places, but we visit, 
I listen to her talk about her children, about people she loves who have 
died, about where she and her husband first went on a date, and once in a 
great while we go out to eat because one of her common complaints as a 
person who lives by herself is that meal preparation just isn't any fun when 
you eat alone. Now, I don't want you to get the idea that I'm one of these 
folks who say "I'm going to let you help me with this or that thing," as 
though I'm really the one doing the favor, but I do want to say that I 
believe the street runs both ways and that there is good to be done both 
when you give a gift and when you receive it. This is the kind of 
relationship I try to build with volunteers, for the truth is that I'm not 
sure I could do it if I really thought of it strictly as a burden. This 
probably means expanding your core circle of friends and volunteers beyond 
friends and family. It probably means figuring out a way to meet new people, 
and in so doing to gently convey the message that blind people, while we 
have some special needs, are truly human beings in the full sense of the 
word - not just people who have needs, but people who have the ability to 
help others meet theirs.

Others have suggested to you that you look at your own mobility skills and 
see whether they might be improved. It may be that you simply live in such a 
pedestrian unfriendly area that it wouldn't matter what kind of skills you 
brought to the task. Since you can obviously convey your heartfelt feelings, 
this may be a good time to write a letter to the editor in hopes of getting 
it published. If you are lucky enough to live in a community which still has 
local talk radio shows, this may be a good way to advertise the need for a 
pedestrian button at the location where you want to cross. I think if I were 
you, I would work at going to some civic organizations with the same 
message, asking them to join in putting pressure on the city council and the 
mayor to help you. Lastly, I would work with your local chapter of the 
national Federation of the blind to make this one of the chapters goals. You 
and other members can go before your city council, can set up a meeting with 
the mayor, and can make the case for a pedestrian button.

In a different post you ask why the NFB is opposed to audible signals. It 
isn't quite true to say that we are opposed to them, but that we are opposed 
to the requirement that they be placed everywhere, and that we believe the 
type of audible signal used to be very important. There is little reason to 
have an audible signal where the flow of traffic makes it perfectly clear 
which direction the light is allowing people to travel. The type of audible 
signal used is very important, because some of the designers have not worked 
with blind folks, and their signals are much too long, much too loud, and 
actually keep us from hearing the traffic. Although you want to know what 
color the light is, what is really of more importance to you is whether or 
not you're about to step out in front of a vehicle. If, as is the case on 
some street corners in Kansas City, the audible traffic signal is a 5 second 
buzzer which is so loud that it obscures the sound of everything around it, 
then it is more a hindrance than a help. The designers of that signal did 
not take into account your need to hear the flow of traffic, and by lasting 
as long as it does, the audible signal actually takes away 5 seconds you 
would have in which to begin crossing the street. This can be crucial in 
areas where traffic flow is heavy and the time allowed for crossing is 
minimal.

We favor Vibro-tactile signals which not only serve to meet the needs of 
blind people, but of deaf blind people as well. The frequency of the sound 
they emit does not travel so far that it inconveniences neighbors and 
businesses in the area, and it does not obscure the sound of traffic.

Mari, none of the things I've suggested you work on will bring about 
immediate results, but if I were to rank order them, I would suggest that 
the first thing you work on is how you feel about the help you need, and 
your ability to make a contribution to others who need help. We are always 
taught how important it is to be independent, and my suggestion to you is 
that it is equally important to learn how to be interdependent.

Warmly,

Gary