[Blindtlk] Inferiority complex with Disabilities

[Jessica Kostiw]

Gary,
Not to give you an ego, but that was another spectacular message!  I know 
you were talking to Mary, but I must say that the part about volunteers 
really spoke to me.  May I ask through what avenues did you use to find 
these volunteers?  I am in great need of a driver.  I have talked to every 
blind person in my area until I am blue in the face (and they are asleep) 
about how they recommend finding a driver.  The last driver I found was off 
Craigslist.  He was nuts... and I am pretty sure he had a record.  I hired 
him for four days, he was over an hour late two of the days, and I fired him 
on the third day.

Can I just say to all on this list, that I have sincerely enjoyed the 
openness of this thread.  Being blind is not the end of the world; you can 
still lead happy and productive lives, but sometimes it really can be 
difficult.  There are so many incredible people in the federation, doctors, 
lawyers, teachers, but none of us are perfect.  We all have doubts and fears 
sometimes.  I hope I don't get shot for saying this, but sometimes I wish we 
were all more open about how we do things and even where we struggle.  I 
think that would help each of us grow a little more.  Does that make any 
sense?

Jessica
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Gary Wunder" <gwunder at earthlink.net>
To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 3:05 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Inferiority complex with Disabilities


> Hi Mari. You have asked me for advice, but probably the best I can do is 
> give you some thoughts. Whether they end up being good advice you will 
> have to decide. If I try to give you advice, not only may it not be on 
> target, but I may go into my preaching mode rather than my offering 
> experience mode, and I'm much more comfortable with the latter. If I try 
> to deal with your letter point by point, don't get the idea that I'm 
> arguing with you. Neither of us have anything to gain from that.
>
> You start by saying that you are a burden to your friends, husband and 
> family. This may be so, but it doesn't have to be. There are many ways to 
> set up relationships with volunteers which are mutually beneficial. One 
> volunteer who works for me is 27 years old. She has gone through some 
> rocky times in her life, and has rebuilt it so that she now is employed in 
> a very responsible job. Her help to me is that she drives and sometimes 
> does some reading. My help to her is to be a listening ear when she finds 
> things difficult, and to convince her that the place she wants to occupy 
> in the world is indeed occupied by others, namely me and my family. I let 
> her know that the world presents an uphill struggle not just to her but to 
> each and everyone of us who face our own kind of adversity.
>
> Another volunteer is several years past retirement. Her husband died more 
> than 10 years ago. She is, without a doubt, a very lonely person, and she 
> likes our sessions because not only do we read, and go places, but we 
> visit, I listen to her talk about her children, about people she loves who 
> have died, about where she and her husband first went on a date, and once 
> in a great while we go out to eat because one of her common complaints as 
> a person who lives by herself is that meal preparation just isn't any fun 
> when you eat alone. Now, I don't want you to get the idea that I'm one of 
> these folks who say "I'm going to let you help me with this or that 
> thing," as though I'm really the one doing the favor, but I do want to say 
> that I believe the street runs both ways and that there is good to be done 
> both when you give a gift and when you receive it. This is the kind of 
> relationship I try to build with volunteers, for the truth is that I'm not 
> sure I could do it if I really thought of it strictly as a burden. This 
> probably means expanding your core circle of friends and volunteers beyond 
> friends and family. It probably means figuring out a way to meet new 
> people, and in so doing to gently convey the message that blind people, 
> while we have some special needs, are truly human beings in the full sense 
> of the word - not just people who have needs, but people who have the 
> ability to help others meet theirs.
>
> Others have suggested to you that you look at your own mobility skills and 
> see whether they might be improved. It may be that you simply live in such 
> a pedestrian unfriendly area that it wouldn't matter what kind of skills 
> you brought to the task. Since you can obviously convey your heartfelt 
> feelings, this may be a good time to write a letter to the editor in hopes 
> of getting it published. If you are lucky enough to live in a community 
> which still has local talk radio shows, this may be a good way to 
> advertise the need for a pedestrian button at the location where you want 
> to cross. I think if I were you, I would work at going to some civic 
> organizations with the same message, asking them to join in putting 
> pressure on the city council and the mayor to help you. Lastly, I would 
> work with your local chapter of the national Federation of the blind to 
> make this one of the chapters goals. You and other members can go before 
> your city council, can set up a meeting with the mayor, and can make the 
> case for a pedestrian button.
>
> In a different post you ask why the NFB is opposed to audible signals. It 
> isn't quite true to say that we are opposed to them, but that we are 
> opposed to the requirement that they be placed everywhere, and that we 
> believe the type of audible signal used to be very important. There is 
> little reason to have an audible signal where the flow of traffic makes it 
> perfectly clear which direction the light is allowing people to travel. 
> The type of audible signal used is very important, because some of the 
> designers have not worked with blind folks, and their signals are much too 
> long, much too loud, and actually keep us from hearing the traffic. 
> Although you want to know what color the light is, what is really of more 
> importance to you is whether or not you're about to step out in front of a 
> vehicle. If, as is the case on some street corners in Kansas City, the 
> audible traffic signal is a 5 second buzzer which is so loud that it 
> obscures the sound of everything around it, then it is more a hindrance 
> than a help. The designers of that signal did not take into account your 
> need to hear the flow of traffic, and by lasting as long as it does, the 
> audible signal actually takes away 5 seconds you would have in which to 
> begin crossing the street. This can be crucial in areas where traffic flow 
> is heavy and the time allowed for crossing is minimal.
>
> We favor Vibro-tactile signals which not only serve to meet the needs of 
> blind people, but of deaf blind people as well. The frequency of the sound 
> they emit does not travel so far that it inconveniences neighbors and 
> businesses in the area, and it does not obscure the sound of traffic.
>
> Mari, none of the things I've suggested you work on will bring about 
> immediate results, but if I were to rank order them, I would suggest that 
> the first thing you work on is how you feel about the help you need, and 
> your ability to make a contribution to others who need help. We are always 
> taught how important it is to be independent, and my suggestion to you is 
> that it is equally important to learn how to be interdependent.
>
> Warmly,
>
> Gary
>
>
>
>
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