[Blindtlk] Inferiority complex with Disabilities
Mike Freeman
k7uij at panix.com
Thu Jun 10 15:09:37 UTC 2010
Jessica:
I think one reason more of us do not discuss where we struggle and how we do
things is that we have absorbed and internalized the NFB philosophy to the
extent that we really don't think what we do is out-of-the-ordinary and
therefore don't pay much attention to it and describe it publicly. Moreover,
if we truly have internalized NFB philosophy, I suspect there's a bias
against general informing or, nay, bragging because by saying "Whoopy-do!
Look what I'm doing!", we negate the very thing we're trying to espouse in
that we are, in effect, saying, isn't it a miracle that I can do X! I don't
think there is much reluctance (this thread is an example) to discuss how we
do a specific thing, assuming we even notice. And as for things we struggle
with, I can't speak for everyone but, frankly, I don't think about them
much. Why? Because I have either found ways around the difficulties or have
just chalked it up to my lack of capacity in some area rather than bemoaning
my lack in terms of sight loss. In other words, I put the inconveniences of
blindness on a similar footing to not being tall, being unable to knit or
not being twenty anymore (not that this is always a handicap -- I have a lot
more money than I did when I was twenty!). Please reread Dr. Jernigan's
essay: "Blindness: Handicap or Characteristic".
Besides, who wants to listen to a complainer? If I say: "O ain't it awful!"
what have I accomplished? I know the saying goes that misery loves company
but usually said company is rather short-lived. Besides, don't you believe
that sighted persons have lacks and losses and wish that they could do
things they can't? If that's so, they aren't human.
The bottom line is that some of us are attempting to live the Federation
mantra that blindness is a characteristic like any other and we at least try
to not put the nuisance of blindness on a pedestal.
Now a word to Mary: you say that you are a burden to your husband and
others. Have you asked them? And if they said "yes", did you ask them
whether there were other aspects of you that so stood out that they are your
friends or married you (in the case of your husband) anyway? And don't you
think that there are aspects to *any* spousal relationship that irritate the
heck out of the other partner? Again, any relationship that doesn't at least
occasionally exhibit this characteristic isn't human.
I know right now you are feeling the lack of easily-obtainable
transportation acutely. I sympathize. But how is this different from, say, a
person of modest means who works in, say, Los Angeles, and must buy a
house over two hours away by automobile because he/she can't afford the real
estate prices in L.A. proper? To my mind, there is no difference unless you
choose to put blindness up on a special pedestal as I wrote about above,
saying, in effect: "Were I not blind, all would be sweetness and light and
all my difficulties would melt away". If you think about this objectively,
however, you will have to admit that you don't really *know* this as you are
positing a condition that is not real and if you can change one thing in
your imagination, nothing else is off the table for change, either, so while
you might be less of a "burden" viz a viz transportation as a sighted
person, how do you know that something *else* might have changed in your
rearrangement of life that would also be adverse to what you consider your
well-being?
So sit back, fix what you can and enjoy the ride of life!
Mike Freeman, President
NFB of Washington
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jessica Kostiw" <jessicac.kostiw at gmail.com>
To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, June 09, 2010 6:07 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Inferiority complex with Disabilities
> Gary,
> Not to give you an ego, but that was another spectacular message! I know
> you were talking to Mary, but I must say that the part about volunteers
> really spoke to me. May I ask through what avenues did you use to find
> these volunteers? I am in great need of a driver. I have talked to every
> blind person in my area until I am blue in the face (and they are asleep)
> about how they recommend finding a driver. The last driver I found was
> off Craigslist. He was nuts... and I am pretty sure he had a record. I
> hired him for four days, he was over an hour late two of the days, and I
> fired him on the third day.
>
> Can I just say to all on this list, that I have sincerely enjoyed the
> openness of this thread. Being blind is not the end of the world; you can
> still lead happy and productive lives, but sometimes it really can be
> difficult. There are so many incredible people in the federation,
> doctors, lawyers, teachers, but none of us are perfect. We all have
> doubts and fears sometimes. I hope I don't get shot for saying this, but
> sometimes I wish we were all more open about how we do things and even
> where we struggle. I think that would help each of us grow a little more.
> Does that make any sense?
>
> Jessica
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Gary Wunder" <gwunder at earthlink.net>
> To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, June 07, 2010 3:05 PM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Inferiority complex with Disabilities
>
>
>> Hi Mari. You have asked me for advice, but probably the best I can do is
>> give you some thoughts. Whether they end up being good advice you will
>> have to decide. If I try to give you advice, not only may it not be on
>> target, but I may go into my preaching mode rather than my offering
>> experience mode, and I'm much more comfortable with the latter. If I try
>> to deal with your letter point by point, don't get the idea that I'm
>> arguing with you. Neither of us have anything to gain from that.
>>
>> You start by saying that you are a burden to your friends, husband and
>> family. This may be so, but it doesn't have to be. There are many ways to
>> set up relationships with volunteers which are mutually beneficial. One
>> volunteer who works for me is 27 years old. She has gone through some
>> rocky times in her life, and has rebuilt it so that she now is employed
>> in a very responsible job. Her help to me is that she drives and
>> sometimes does some reading. My help to her is to be a listening ear when
>> she finds things difficult, and to convince her that the place she wants
>> to occupy in the world is indeed occupied by others, namely me and my
>> family. I let her know that the world presents an uphill struggle not
>> just to her but to each and everyone of us who face our own kind of
>> adversity.
>>
>> Another volunteer is several years past retirement. Her husband died more
>> than 10 years ago. She is, without a doubt, a very lonely person, and she
>> likes our sessions because not only do we read, and go places, but we
>> visit, I listen to her talk about her children, about people she loves
>> who have died, about where she and her husband first went on a date, and
>> once in a great while we go out to eat because one of her common
>> complaints as a person who lives by herself is that meal preparation just
>> isn't any fun when you eat alone. Now, I don't want you to get the idea
>> that I'm one of these folks who say "I'm going to let you help me with
>> this or that thing," as though I'm really the one doing the favor, but I
>> do want to say that I believe the street runs both ways and that there is
>> good to be done both when you give a gift and when you receive it. This
>> is the kind of relationship I try to build with volunteers, for the truth
>> is that I'm not sure I could do it if I really thought of it strictly as
>> a burden. This probably means expanding your core circle of friends and
>> volunteers beyond friends and family. It probably means figuring out a
>> way to meet new people, and in so doing to gently convey the message that
>> blind people, while we have some special needs, are truly human beings in
>> the full sense of the word - not just people who have needs, but people
>> who have the ability to help others meet theirs.
>>
>> Others have suggested to you that you look at your own mobility skills
>> and see whether they might be improved. It may be that you simply live in
>> such a pedestrian unfriendly area that it wouldn't matter what kind of
>> skills you brought to the task. Since you can obviously convey your
>> heartfelt feelings, this may be a good time to write a letter to the
>> editor in hopes of getting it published. If you are lucky enough to live
>> in a community which still has local talk radio shows, this may be a good
>> way to advertise the need for a pedestrian button at the location where
>> you want to cross. I think if I were you, I would work at going to some
>> civic organizations with the same message, asking them to join in putting
>> pressure on the city council and the mayor to help you. Lastly, I would
>> work with your local chapter of the national Federation of the blind to
>> make this one of the chapters goals. You and other members can go before
>> your city council, can set up a meeting with the mayor, and can make the
>> case for a pedestrian button.
>>
>> In a different post you ask why the NFB is opposed to audible signals. It
>> isn't quite true to say that we are opposed to them, but that we are
>> opposed to the requirement that they be placed everywhere, and that we
>> believe the type of audible signal used to be very important. There is
>> little reason to have an audible signal where the flow of traffic makes
>> it perfectly clear which direction the light is allowing people to
>> travel. The type of audible signal used is very important, because some
>> of the designers have not worked with blind folks, and their signals are
>> much too long, much too loud, and actually keep us from hearing the
>> traffic. Although you want to know what color the light is, what is
>> really of more importance to you is whether or not you're about to step
>> out in front of a vehicle. If, as is the case on some street corners in
>> Kansas City, the audible traffic signal is a 5 second buzzer which is so
>> loud that it obscures the sound of everything around it, then it is more
>> a hindrance than a help. The designers of that signal did not take into
>> account your need to hear the flow of traffic, and by lasting as long as
>> it does, the audible signal actually takes away 5 seconds you would have
>> in which to begin crossing the street. This can be crucial in areas where
>> traffic flow is heavy and the time allowed for crossing is minimal.
>>
>> We favor Vibro-tactile signals which not only serve to meet the needs of
>> blind people, but of deaf blind people as well. The frequency of the
>> sound they emit does not travel so far that it inconveniences neighbors
>> and businesses in the area, and it does not obscure the sound of traffic.
>>
>> Mari, none of the things I've suggested you work on will bring about
>> immediate results, but if I were to rank order them, I would suggest that
>> the first thing you work on is how you feel about the help you need, and
>> your ability to make a contribution to others who need help. We are
>> always taught how important it is to be independent, and my suggestion to
>> you is that it is equally important to learn how to be interdependent.
>>
>> Warmly,
>>
>> Gary
>>
>>
>>
>>
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>
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