[Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
Kelby Carlson
kelbycarlson at usfamily.net
Mon Feb 28 16:06:33 UTC 2011
Jessica,
I'll echoe what some people have been saying here, but from a
slightly different perspective. I have been using a cane since I
was nearly a year old--my family was very aware that was
necessary. I was aal taught sighted guide technique when I was
quite young. As a high school student, I use my cane everywhere
I go. However, I do not have much independent mobility in my
life only because I live in a suburb with no public
transportation. I will say that sighted guide is often the most
convenient way to navigate a very unfamiliar environment or to
get through a crowd easily. I nearly always use my cane when
going guided (the exception to that is when it wouldn't be
expedient as in the case of a tighj crowd, and then I will use it
in an upright position.) None of my friends have ever asked me to
put my cane away or insisted that I not use it when with them. I
don't believe sighted guide is at all a sacrifice to independence
if used in the right way and at the right time.
> ----- Original Message -----
>From: "Gary Wunder" <GWunder at earthlink.net
>To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>Date sent: Mon, 28 Feb 2011 09:46:43 -0600 (CST)
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>Hello Jessica. In your note you ask whether you have to
sacrifice your
>independence for your boyfriend. I think the answer to that is
clearly no.
>If it feels to you like you're sacrificing that independence to
satisfy
>someone else, keep using your cane and refuse to hold on to the
arm you love
>but do not need. If you come to feel differently about it and
can integrate
>what other people are telling you about holding your boyfriend's
arm and
>using your cane at the same time, by all means give that a whirl.
>I have to admit that your message raises some red flags for me.
As a state
>president in the Federation, I have to tell you that I find some
women in
>poor relationships that seem to be based on "you, being a blind
woman, give
>me a wonderful opportunity to feel like a real man! If you are
dependent on
>me for going where you need to go, I have a great deal of say
over your
>life." In the extreme, I hear these people calling one another
mommy and
>daddy, and the dependence that you talk about is very very real
for them.
>Some blind people eventually reject this dependence and cost
themselves a
>spouse. Some fall into the trap, become dependent, their spouse
tires of the
>continual need to lead them around and comes to find it more of a
burden
>than a thrill, moves on, and the blind person has to figure out
independence
>all over again. Don't go there. Make sure you understand what
your
>boyfriend's real motivation is. It may be that he is a straight
up good guy
>who wants you to be independent, and I presume this is so, but if
he is
>looking for somebody he can quite literally lead around, beware,
for more
>than your blindness independence is at stake.
>One other caution if you will indulge me. You say that you will
get a house
>where public transportation is available. Many people say this.
Some of them
>actually do it. What too often happens, however, is that they
start looking
>at house prices or find something they just fall in love with,
and
>boom--they sacrifice independent mobility with the assurance that
their
>spouse won't mind taking them where they need to go. Maybe it is
that they
>say they are buying a starter house and will soon move, or maybe
it is that
>their husband already owns a house and they will live there until
it becomes
>economically more practical to move where they can get around by
themselves.
>Don't get in this situation. Hold out for being able to travel.
Hold out for
>being able to get to places you need to go economically. Don't
become a
>prisoner in your own house, and don't put your boyfriend and
soon-to-be
>husband in the bind of having to take you everywhere. It happens
far too
>frequently and it has real consequences.
>I was once married to a sighted woman and subscribed to the idea
that when I
>was with someone with vision there was no need for me to bring
along a cane.
>One day while we were walking she told me that she thought I was
quite
>inconsiderate. I wondered what it was I had done that had
provoked her
>anger. She said something like: "you know, we go out on these
walks and you
>expect me to watch out for you, which doesn't bother me very
much, but it
>occurred to me the other day that if I had a heart attack or
sprained my
>ankle or did something that would keep me from going to get help,
you've
>placed yourself in a position where you won't be able to help me.
For
>somebody who talks a lot about being independent and showing
consideration
>for others, I don't think you're showing much consideration or
>independence." That made me angry, but it was one of those angry
feelings
>that you have when you know that probably the person who has just
made you
>angry has made some good points. I never again went without a
cane. I think
>going without a cane would feel as awkward to me as going without
pants.
>Some people will patronizingly refer to it as "your badge of
independence,"
>and I'm not sure I feel that way about it, but I do feel that
it's part of
>my responsibility as a fully functional human being to take
responsibility
>for myself, and, to be able to help others if I need to do it.
>Having said all of this, I have to say that I often use sighted
guide when
>I'm traveling with someone, although sighted guide really is the
wrong term
>because I do it whether the person is blind or sighted. I also
continue to
>use my cane. If I'm walking through a crowd, I don't want our
conversation
>to be interrupted by people cutting between us. It is sometimes
difficult to
>stay with another person, and holding their arm or having them
hold yours is
>a great way to make sure you are both going the same direction
and not
>having to worry about whether your speed is coordinated and other
such
>things. When I hold onto someone's arm, it is not that they are
going to
>tell me where to go in most cases and it never is that I want
them to
>protect me against something that my cane is capable of
detecting. It is
>just that this is a very convenient way to stay with the person
with whom
>I'm conversing, and it doesn't mean giving up 1 ounce of my
independence.
>I hope some of this is helpful.
>Gary
>-----Original Message-----
>From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
[mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>Behalf Of Jessica Kostiw
>Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 3:41 PM
>To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'; 'Pamela Allen'
>Subject: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>Hello List,
> This is Jessica Kostiw. I have been on this list for quite
a while,
>but do not post very often. I am hoping to get some good advice
on an issue
>that I am sure we have all faced.
>I am a Louisiana Center for the Blind graduate, and well
appreciate the
>important of the travel skills I acquired there.
>If you are like me though, the significant majority of your time
is spent
>with other sighted people. My longtime boyfriend Jon is sighted.
He has
>actually purchased a cane from the NFB and wants to go under
sleep shades to
>see what it is like. The thing is on the one hand he is very
supportive,
>but more and more when we are together in a store or something
would very
>much rather that I just take his hand. He says it's quicker and
makes more
>sense, but I want to be able to be independent. I don't see why
he can't
>just walk by me and give me directions or something. When we do
that
>though, he says he feels like he is just calling a dog. He may
as well ring
>a cowbell. He can't keep up chatter all the time and becomes
harder for me
>to follow. People give dirty looks like "why isn't that guy
helping that
>blind lady?" Part of me understands what he is saying, I have
heard the
>same arguments from my mom. My sister is so impatient and always
just
>insists that I take her elbow. I live in Virginia. There is no
public
>transportation where I live, and I am concerned that always being
around
>sighted people with this attitude will eventually cause me to
lose my
>skills. This Email is focusing on the situation with Jon only
because I am
>concerned about our future. We are definitely working towards
marriage and
>children and all that and I don't want to feel like I am
completely
>dependent on my husband and can't equally contribute when we take
any future
>children out in public. We have already agreed that we will live
in an area
>with good public transportation so I won't feel dependent and can
do things
>on my own, but again what about when we are together? Do I have
to
>sacrifice my independence to make it easier on him?
>Any incite would be greatly appreciated!!
>Jessica
>-----Original Message-----
>From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
[mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>Behalf Of Chris Judd
>Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 2:31 AM
>To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>I tried accessing the facebook lite site, and it worked.
>http://lite.facebook.com
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Bonnie Lucas" <lucas.bonnie at gmail.com
>To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 12:47 AM
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>Not sure what has happened but we discovered the same thing today
as well.
>Perhaps it is something that will be fixed soon. My daughter and
I tried
>everything to get it to let us click on things but it would not.
Not sure
>what's up!
>Bonnie
>-----Original Message-----
>From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
[mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>Behalf Of humberto
>Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2011 7:35 PM
>To: gui-talk at nfbnet.org; nfbcs at nfbnet.org
>Cc: blindTlk at nfbnet.org
>Subject: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>---- Original Message ------
>From: Michelle Abadia <michelle.abadia at verizon.net
>Subject: [PM] Facebook with jaws
>Date sent: Wed, 09 Feb 2011 06:40:45 -0500
>Hi.
>I apologize for the unrelated topic.
>I've been using Facebook successfully on my windows 7 laptop,
>using (www.m.facebook.com), which I think our litt moderator
>suggested because (www.facebook.com) wasn't very accessible with
>jaws.
>This morning, I come to find that now, m.facebook.com isn't
>accessible either! Everything is preceeded by "same page link",
>and when I click on something or try to write a message, the
>system won't let me. This happened overnight, because I was able
>to work on Facebook just 24 hours ago.
>Could someone please give me some assistance with this off list
>at
>Michelle.abadia at verizon.net
>?
>Thanks so much in advance.
>Michelle Abadia
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