[Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?

Tue Mar 1 01:42:44 UTC 2011

Well stated Pastor!!!
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "James Kelm" <jameskelm at earthlink.net>
To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, February 28, 2011 8:50 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?


> Dear friends,
>
> Well everyone is said to have an opinion, and of course I am no different.
> I appreciate and support all of the comments that have been made on this
> list, and it would seem that my own viewpoint is a bit different from 
> some.
>
>    I am married to a sighted woman, and I have never found it to be a
> difficulty to give over quote unquote "control", when it seems 
> appropriate.
> While I am extremely independent as a blind person, I am not independent 
> as
> a husband.  As a married couple, we form a union that capitalizes on each
> other's strength in any specific situation, forming a stronger unit
> together.  For example, my wife is completely willing and capable of 
> moving
> furniture in our house.  I am however, more easily able to accomplish 
> this.
> So when she needs a sofa moved, I undertake this activity as a kind of
> courtesy to her.  I am fully able to guide myself, and quite often can be
> found tooling around on my own.  On the other hand, she is obviously more
> easily able to guide us in some situations, so I find it completely
> comfortable for me to allow her to take "control" when we are in such
> situations.  We both help to work together to accomplish our goals as a
> unit, so it isn't a big deal for us to lean on each other for assistance
> when appropriate.  She leans on me to perform maintenance on our household
> computers, because I am more comfortable working around computers.  I turn
> control over to her when it is supper time, because I love her and do not
> wish to poison her with my cooking attempts.  We share our life together,
> and sharing for us, means that no one is subordinate or dominate.  We are 
> a
> unit.
>
>    This is simply how it works for us, and I am not attempting to suggest
> what I think is generally true for anyone else.  Again, this is just what
> works for us.
>
>    Now I have to go and move something heavy for my wife.  I just hope 
> that
> I move what she would like to be moved!  LOLL
>
>
> Your Brother in Christ,
> Pastor James Kelm
> Foundational Christian Family Ministry
> www.fcfministry.org
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: " Sarah Baughn" <sarahb006 at comcast.net>
> To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, February 28, 2011 6:09 PM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>
>
>> Diane, the stick thing drives me up a wall too.  I always tell the person
>> who calls it a "stick" that it's a cane.  I always find myself thinking:
> "If
>> a stick were all I needed to use to get around, I would just go carve one
>> off a tree somewhere."  I mean, that would be a lot cheaper than having
> tto
>> by one, right?
>> Sarah
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Graves, Diane" <dgraves at icrc.IN.gov>
>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, February 28, 2011 6:13 AM
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>>
>>
>> > HiJessica and All,
>> >
>> > These are all excellent points. I remember many years ago, I was in a
>> > relationship with a guy who was high partial. When we would walk I 
>> > would
>> > generally take his arm and didn't usually use a cane. One day, one of
> the
>> > members of my church, who didn't know my  boyfriend, saw us together 
>> > and
>> > later asked me "is that your guide?" Needless to say that was pretty
>> > humiliating for me. He thought the guy was my personal assistant, or my
>> > guide.
>> >
>> > I now always use my cane in conjunction with a sighted guide. Whenever 
>> > I
>> > am with my dad and stepmother, I am generally gritting my teeth, as she
>> > says "leave your stick." The "stick" thing makes me crazy, and then her
>> > telling me to put it away makes me livid. I always try to calmly assert
>> > that, no, I'm not going to put it away. I do this either by making the
>> > statement or by ignoring the command.
>> >
>> >
>> > Diane Graves
>> > Civil Rights Specialist
>> > Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>> > Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>> > 317-232-2647
>> >
>> > "It is service that measures success."
>> > George Washington Carver
>> >
>> > Confidentiality Notice: This E-mail transmission may contain
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>> > -----Original Message-----
>> > From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
> On
>> > Behalf Of Brian Miller
>> > Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 6:28 PM
>> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
>> > Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>> >
>> > Hi Jessica,
>> >
>> > Thank you for sharing what I'm sure is a common dilemma.  I think it
> often
>> > makes more sense to take your sighted partner's elbow and go sighted
> guide
>> > in crowded public spaces, plus it's sometimes just nice to walk
> together.
>> > However, I always use my cane in addition to taking a friend or family
>> > member's elbow.  It's when they say, "Hey, can't you put that cane away
>> > while I'm guiding you?" that you have a problem.  This signals deeper
>> > issues
>> > with blindness and social stigma that needs to be address.
>> >
>> > The key is making sure you always have your cane with you, and do as
> much
>> > on
>> > your own as you can to maintain skills, confidence, and independence. 
>> > I
>> > believe one does lose fluency with the cane the less you use it.
>> >
>> > Just as your boyfirend doesn't want to feel like he's simply barking
>> > directions at a dog, and feeling like a jerk, you also don't want to
> feel
>> > like an appendage of your boyfriend, or for him to feel as though he's
>> > your
>> > assistant, not your boyfirend.  These are tricky things to navigate, 
>> > and
>> > the
>> > more openly you can discuss it, the better. Its' actually good that 
>> > your
>> > boyfirend is being so frank with you about how he feels in this regard,
> so
>> > long as he's sharing his concerns sincerely and with openness to your
>> > needs.
>> >
>> >
>> > Good luck,
>> > Brian Miller
>> > -----Original Message-----
>> > From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
> On
>> > Behalf Of Michelle Medina
>> > Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 5:34 PM
>> > To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>> > Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>> >
>> > I just returned from San Antonio TX, and was with my friend, but I to
> used
>> > my cane often, even in crowds, especially in crowds, and alot of the
> time,
>> > I
>> > tried to just walk near her.
>> >
>> > On 2/27/11, Marion Gwizdala <blind411 at verizon.net> wrote:
>> >> Jessica,
>> >>     when I was dating my ex-wife who is sighted, she would always
>> >> encourage me to put my cane away when we were together and just hold
>> >> her hand. One day we were walking through the mall and she turned to
>> >> look at something. Just as she did, she ran me into one of those metal
>> >> signs a business had parked in the walkway. It fell to the ground with
>> >> a crash that was probably heard from one end of the mall to the other.
>> >> "That's why I use my cane!" I told her as I took it out of my pocket
>> >> and unfolded it. She never complained about me using my cane after
> that.
>> >>     I would still hold her hand and she would give me direction
>> >> through our hand-holding but I used my cane in conjunction with her
>> >> sighted guide. Still today, whenever I use sighted guide, I always use
> my
>> > cane too!
>> >>
>> >> fraternally yours,
>> >> Marion Gwizdala
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> ----- Original Message -----
>> >> From: "Jessica Kostiw" <jessicac.kostiw at gmail.com>
>> >> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>; "'Pamela 
>> >> Allen'"
>> >> <pallen at lcb-ruston.com>
>> >> Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 4:41 PM
>> >> Subject: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>> Hello List,
>> >>> This is Jessica Kostiw.  I have been on this list for quite a while,
>> >>> but do not post very often.  I am hoping to get some good advice on
>> >>> an issue that I am sure we have all faced.
>> >>>
>> >>> I am a Louisiana Center for the Blind graduate, and well appreciate
>> >>> the important of the travel skills I acquired there.
>> >>> If you are like me though, the significant majority of your time is
>> >>> spent with other sighted people.  My longtime boyfriend Jon is
>> >>> sighted.  He has actually purchased a cane from the NFB and wants to
>> >>> go under sleep shades to see what it is like.  The thing is on the
>> >>> one hand he is very supportive, but more and more when we are
>> >>> together in a store or something would very much rather that I just
>> >>> take his hand.  He says it's quicker and makes more sense, but I want
>> >>> to be able to be independent.  I don't see why he can't just walk by
>> >>> me and give me directions or something.  When we do that though, he
>> >>> says he feels like he is just calling a dog.  He may as well ring a
>> >>> cowbell.  He can't keep up chatter all the time and becomes harder
>> >>> for me to follow.  People give dirty looks like "why isn't that guy
>> >>> helping that blind lady?"  Part of me understands what he is saying,
>> >>> I have heard the same arguments from my mom.  My sister is so
>> >>> impatient and always just insists that I take her elbow.  I live in
>> >>> Virginia.  There is no public transportation where I live, and I am
>> >>> concerned that always being around sighted people with this attitude
>> >>> will eventually cause me to lose my skills.  This Email is focusing
>> >>> on the situation with Jon only because I am concerned about our
>> >>> future.  We are definitely working towards marriage and children and
>> >>> all that and I don't want to feel like I am completely dependent on
>> >>> my husband and can't equally contribute when we take any future
>> >>> children out in public.  We have already agreed that we will live in
>> >>> an area with good public transportation so I won't feel dependent and
>> >>> can do things
>> >>> on my own, but again what about when we are together?   Do I have to
>> >>> sacrifice my independence to make it easier on him?
>> >>>
>> >>> Any incite would be greatly appreciated!!
>> >>> Jessica
>> >>> -----Original Message-----
>> >>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>> >>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Judd
>> >>> Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 2:31 AM
>> >>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>> >>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>> >>>
>> >>> I tried accessing the facebook lite site, and it worked.
>> >>> http://lite.facebook.com
>> >>> ----- Original Message -----
>> >>> From: "Bonnie Lucas" <lucas.bonnie at gmail.com>
>> >>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> >>> Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 12:47 AM
>> >>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>> >>>
>> >>>
>> >>> Not sure what has happened but we discovered the same thing today as
>> > well.
>> >>> Perhaps it is something that will be fixed soon. My daughter and I
>> >>> tried everything to get it to let us click on things but it would
>> >>> not. Not sure what's up!
>> >>> Bonnie
>> >>>
>> >>> -----Original Message-----
>> >>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>> >>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of humberto
>> >>> Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2011 7:35 PM
>> >>> To: gui-talk at nfbnet.org; nfbcs at nfbnet.org
>> >>> Cc: blindTlk at nfbnet.org
>> >>> Subject: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>> >>>
>> >>> ---- Original Message ------
>> >>> From: Michelle Abadia <michelle.abadia at verizon.net
>> >>> Subject: [PM] Facebook with jaws
>> >>> Date sent: Wed, 09 Feb 2011 06:40:45 -0500
>> >>>
>> >>> Hi.
>> >>>
>> >>> I apologize for the unrelated topic.
>> >>> I've been using Facebook successfully on my windows 7 laptop, using
>> >>> (www.m.facebook.com), which I think our litt moderator suggested
>> >>> because (www.facebook.com) wasn't very accessible with jaws.
>> >>> This morning, I come to find that now, m.facebook.com isn't
>> >>> accessible either! Everything is preceeded by "same page link", and
>> >>> when I click on something or try to write a message, the system won't
>> >>> let me. This happened overnight, because I was able to work on
>> >>> Facebook just 24 hours ago.
>> >>>
>> >>> Could someone please give me some assistance with this off list at
>> >>> Michelle.abadia at verizon.net ?
>> >>>
>> >>> Thanks so much in advance.
>> >>>
>> >>> Michelle Abadia
>> >>> ________________________________________
>> >>> The Frequently Asked Question page is at:
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>> >>> Please feel free to add your suggestions for an FAQ!
>> >>>
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>> >>> http://www.pacmategear.com !
>> >>>
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>> >>>
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>> >>
>> >>
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>> >>
>> >
>> >
>> > --
>> > I'm trying to understand the choices you made as a young man, Dad. I'm
>> > trying and failing and in agony because I must go back to a home that 
>> > is
>> > not
>> > my home.
>> > San Antonio:
>> > I love you and I miss you already and I haven't even left yet.
>> >
>> > _______________________________________________
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>> > iowa.edu
>> >
>> >
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