[Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?

Tue Mar 1 03:16:21 UTC 2011

Thank you again for the continued discussion.  Living in a location where I
can travel independently is not lost on me... though financially right now
that isn't possible.  I live in the suburbs where there is no public
transportation, where it is just get in one car to the other.  So I am
probably more sensitive about it all right now do to that.  I am leaving
W/day for a friend's wedding in Salt lake.  I am excited, this will give me
another opportunity to travel completely independently.  I think I am
pushing the using my cane thing with Jon because of the situation I am in
now.   My issue with Jon is not really that he is embarrassed about my
having a cane or holding it.  It's just that he feels like it is more of a
hassle to take ten minutes longer to go through a store when I do not take
his arm and walk around with the cane alone.  Also, he says he gets a lot of
dirty looks from people who glare at him for not assisting me.  I see his
points, but again I am afraid that if every time we are together and I take
his arm and hold the cane than I will lose my discovery ability. 
Jessica 
-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of James Kelm
Sent: Monday, February 28, 2011 7:50 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?

Dear friends,

Well everyone is said to have an opinion, and of course I am no different.
I appreciate and support all of the comments that have been made on this
list, and it would seem that my own viewpoint is a bit different from some.

    I am married to a sighted woman, and I have never found it to be a
difficulty to give over quote unquote "control", when it seems appropriate.
While I am extremely independent as a blind person, I am not independent as
a husband.  As a married couple, we form a union that capitalizes on each
other's strength in any specific situation, forming a stronger unit
together.  For example, my wife is completely willing and capable of moving
furniture in our house.  I am however, more easily able to accomplish this.
So when she needs a sofa moved, I undertake this activity as a kind of
courtesy to her.  I am fully able to guide myself, and quite often can be
found tooling around on my own.  On the other hand, she is obviously more
easily able to guide us in some situations, so I find it completely
comfortable for me to allow her to take "control" when we are in such
situations.  We both help to work together to accomplish our goals as a
unit, so it isn't a big deal for us to lean on each other for assistance
when appropriate.  She leans on me to perform maintenance on our household
computers, because I am more comfortable working around computers.  I turn
control over to her when it is supper time, because I love her and do not
wish to poison her with my cooking attempts.  We share our life together,
and sharing for us, means that no one is subordinate or dominate.  We are a
unit.

    This is simply how it works for us, and I am not attempting to suggest
what I think is generally true for anyone else.  Again, this is just what
works for us.

    Now I have to go and move something heavy for my wife.  I just hope that
I move what she would like to be moved!  LOLL

Your Brother in Christ,
Pastor James Kelm
Foundational Christian Family Ministry
www.fcfministry.org
----- Original Message ----- 
From: " Sarah Baughn" <sarahb006 at comcast.net>
To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, February 28, 2011 6:09 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?

> Diane, the stick thing drives me up a wall too.  I always tell the person
> who calls it a "stick" that it's a cane.  I always find myself thinking:
"If
> a stick were all I needed to use to get around, I would just go carve one
> off a tree somewhere."  I mean, that would be a lot cheaper than having
tto
> by one, right?
> Sarah
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Graves, Diane" <dgraves at icrc.IN.gov>
> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, February 28, 2011 6:13 AM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>
>
> > HiJessica and All,
> >
> > These are all excellent points. I remember many years ago, I was in a
> > relationship with a guy who was high partial. When we would walk I would
> > generally take his arm and didn't usually use a cane. One day, one of
the
> > members of my church, who didn't know my  boyfriend, saw us together and
> > later asked me "is that your guide?" Needless to say that was pretty
> > humiliating for me. He thought the guy was my personal assistant, or my
> > guide.
> >
> > I now always use my cane in conjunction with a sighted guide. Whenever I
> > am with my dad and stepmother, I am generally gritting my teeth, as she
> > says "leave your stick." The "stick" thing makes me crazy, and then her
> > telling me to put it away makes me livid. I always try to calmly assert
> > that, no, I'm not going to put it away. I do this either by making the
> > statement or by ignoring the command.
> >
> >
> > Diane Graves
> > Civil Rights Specialist
> > Indiana Civil Rights Commission
> > Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
> > 317-232-2647
> >
> > "It is service that measures success."
> > George Washington Carver
> >
> > Confidentiality Notice: This E-mail transmission may contain
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> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On
> > Behalf Of Brian Miller
> > Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 6:28 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> > Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
> >
> > Hi Jessica,
> >
> > Thank you for sharing what I'm sure is a common dilemma.  I think it
often
> > makes more sense to take your sighted partner's elbow and go sighted
guide
> > in crowded public spaces, plus it's sometimes just nice to walk
together.
> > However, I always use my cane in addition to taking a friend or family
> > member's elbow.  It's when they say, "Hey, can't you put that cane away
> > while I'm guiding you?" that you have a problem.  This signals deeper
> > issues
> > with blindness and social stigma that needs to be address.
> >
> > The key is making sure you always have your cane with you, and do as
much
> > on
> > your own as you can to maintain skills, confidence, and independence.  I
> > believe one does lose fluency with the cane the less you use it.
> >
> > Just as your boyfirend doesn't want to feel like he's simply barking
> > directions at a dog, and feeling like a jerk, you also don't want to
feel
> > like an appendage of your boyfriend, or for him to feel as though he's
> > your
> > assistant, not your boyfirend.  These are tricky things to navigate, and
> > the
> > more openly you can discuss it, the better. Its' actually good that your
> > boyfirend is being so frank with you about how he feels in this regard,
so
> > long as he's sharing his concerns sincerely and with openness to your
> > needs.
> >
> >
> > Good luck,
> > Brian Miller
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On
> > Behalf Of Michelle Medina
> > Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 5:34 PM
> > To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> > Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
> >
> > I just returned from San Antonio TX, and was with my friend, but I to
used
> > my cane often, even in crowds, especially in crowds, and alot of the
time,
> > I
> > tried to just walk near her.
> >
> > On 2/27/11, Marion Gwizdala <blind411 at verizon.net> wrote:
> >> Jessica,
> >>     when I was dating my ex-wife who is sighted, she would always
> >> encourage me to put my cane away when we were together and just hold
> >> her hand. One day we were walking through the mall and she turned to
> >> look at something. Just as she did, she ran me into one of those metal
> >> signs a business had parked in the walkway. It fell to the ground with
> >> a crash that was probably heard from one end of the mall to the other.
> >> "That's why I use my cane!" I told her as I took it out of my pocket
> >> and unfolded it. She never complained about me using my cane after
that.
> >>     I would still hold her hand and she would give me direction
> >> through our hand-holding but I used my cane in conjunction with her
> >> sighted guide. Still today, whenever I use sighted guide, I always use
my
> > cane too!
> >>
> >> fraternally yours,
> >> Marion Gwizdala
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> ----- Original Message -----
> >> From: "Jessica Kostiw" <jessicac.kostiw at gmail.com>
> >> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>; "'Pamela Allen'"
> >> <pallen at lcb-ruston.com>
> >> Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 4:41 PM
> >> Subject: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
> >>
> >>
> >>> Hello List,
> >>> This is Jessica Kostiw.  I have been on this list for quite a while,
> >>> but do not post very often.  I am hoping to get some good advice on
> >>> an issue that I am sure we have all faced.
> >>>
> >>> I am a Louisiana Center for the Blind graduate, and well appreciate
> >>> the important of the travel skills I acquired there.
> >>> If you are like me though, the significant majority of your time is
> >>> spent with other sighted people.  My longtime boyfriend Jon is
> >>> sighted.  He has actually purchased a cane from the NFB and wants to
> >>> go under sleep shades to see what it is like.  The thing is on the
> >>> one hand he is very supportive, but more and more when we are
> >>> together in a store or something would very much rather that I just
> >>> take his hand.  He says it's quicker and makes more sense, but I want
> >>> to be able to be independent.  I don't see why he can't just walk by
> >>> me and give me directions or something.  When we do that though, he
> >>> says he feels like he is just calling a dog.  He may as well ring a
> >>> cowbell.  He can't keep up chatter all the time and becomes harder
> >>> for me to follow.  People give dirty looks like "why isn't that guy
> >>> helping that blind lady?"  Part of me understands what he is saying,
> >>> I have heard the same arguments from my mom.  My sister is so
> >>> impatient and always just insists that I take her elbow.  I live in
> >>> Virginia.  There is no public transportation where I live, and I am
> >>> concerned that always being around sighted people with this attitude
> >>> will eventually cause me to lose my skills.  This Email is focusing
> >>> on the situation with Jon only because I am concerned about our
> >>> future.  We are definitely working towards marriage and children and
> >>> all that and I don't want to feel like I am completely dependent on
> >>> my husband and can't equally contribute when we take any future
> >>> children out in public.  We have already agreed that we will live in
> >>> an area with good public transportation so I won't feel dependent and
> >>> can do things
> >>> on my own, but again what about when we are together?   Do I have to
> >>> sacrifice my independence to make it easier on him?
> >>>
> >>> Any incite would be greatly appreciated!!
> >>> Jessica
> >>> -----Original Message-----
> >>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
> >>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Judd
> >>> Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 2:31 AM
> >>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> >>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
> >>>
> >>> I tried accessing the facebook lite site, and it worked.
> >>> http://lite.facebook.com
> >>> ----- Original Message -----
> >>> From: "Bonnie Lucas" <lucas.bonnie at gmail.com>
> >>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> >>> Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 12:47 AM
> >>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Not sure what has happened but we discovered the same thing today as
> > well.
> >>> Perhaps it is something that will be fixed soon. My daughter and I
> >>> tried everything to get it to let us click on things but it would
> >>> not. Not sure what's up!
> >>> Bonnie
> >>>
> >>> -----Original Message-----
> >>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
> >>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of humberto
> >>> Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2011 7:35 PM
> >>> To: gui-talk at nfbnet.org; nfbcs at nfbnet.org
> >>> Cc: blindTlk at nfbnet.org
> >>> Subject: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
> >>>
> >>> ---- Original Message ------
> >>> From: Michelle Abadia <michelle.abadia at verizon.net
> >>> Subject: [PM] Facebook with jaws
> >>> Date sent: Wed, 09 Feb 2011 06:40:45 -0500
> >>>
> >>> Hi.
> >>>
> >>> I apologize for the unrelated topic.
> >>> I've been using Facebook successfully on my windows 7 laptop, using
> >>> (www.m.facebook.com), which I think our litt moderator suggested
> >>> because (www.facebook.com) wasn't very accessible with jaws.
> >>> This morning, I come to find that now, m.facebook.com isn't
> >>> accessible either! Everything is preceeded by "same page link", and
> >>> when I click on something or try to write a message, the system won't
> >>> let me. This happened overnight, because I was able to work on
> >>> Facebook just 24 hours ago.
> >>>
> >>> Could someone please give me some assistance with this off list at
> >>> Michelle.abadia at verizon.net ?
> >>>
> >>> Thanks so much in advance.
> >>>
> >>> Michelle Abadia
> >>> ________________________________________
> >>> The Frequently Asked Question page is at:
> >>> http://www.pacmategear.com/FAQ/
> >>> Please feel free to add your suggestions for an FAQ!
> >>>
> >>> Don't forget to check out:
> >>> http://www.pacmategear.com !
> >>>
> >>> _______
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> >>
> >>
> >> _______________________________________________
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> >>
> >
> >
> > --
> > I'm trying to understand the choices you made as a young man, Dad. I'm
> > trying and failing and in agony because I must go back to a home that is
> > not
> > my home.
> > San Antonio:
> > I love you and I miss you already and I haven't even left yet.
> >
> > _______________________________________________
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> >
> >
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