[Blindtlk] the meaning of confidence

Graves, Diane dgraves at icrc.IN.gov
Tue Mar 1 21:44:44 UTC 2011 

Kelby,

I agree with you.  There are many outside the federation who have positive federation-like attitudes, and are born to parents who have the drive and the know-how to give a child what they need from a young age. The federation isn't a guarantee. In fact, I was going to say earlier, and then decided against it, that the attendance at an NFB training center doesn't necessarily guarantee confidence. The program will certainly do its utmost to be sure that the student has every possible skill and opportunity to build that confidence, but the confidence and security has to come from within.

Now, getting back to the first point. I was raised in a time and place where students weren't given white canes until we were teenagers. As I'm sure you know, this is a time when there are all kinds of uncertainties and insecurities going on for many kids whether blind or sighted. By the time I reached my teens, I had already received messages, in many subtle ways that vision spelled hierarchy. The more vision you had, the more capable you were. I saw kids who should have been reading Braille be forced to read print because of their miniscule amount of residual vision. Why? Because if you had any vision at all, then that was the way to go. By the time they tried to put a cane in my hand, I wanted nothing to do with it. It wasn't that I needed to feel egotistical about the fact that I was blind, I was ashamed of the fact. I felt inferior because of the messages I had received. That insecurity followed me well into my adulthood, and I still fight it sometimes.

If you had parents who knew how and when it was appropriate to advocate, and you got the reinforcement you needed as a child, then I say good for you. That is great. But many of us did not, and I had never heard of such forward thinking before coming involved in the federation. No, it isn't a guarantee, but it has brought me, and many of us a long, long way.

Diane Graves
Civil Rights Specialist
Indiana Civil Rights Commission
Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
317-232-2647
 
"It is service that measures success."
George Washington Carver
 
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-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kelby Carlson
Sent: Tuesday, March 01, 2011 4:05 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] the meaning of confidence

i'd like to add a caveat, and I hope this doesn't come across as 
harsh.  I was born blind and raised with a cane and braille since 
I was very small.  I was not taught these things because I needed 
to be "proud" or anything of that nature.  I was taught these 
things from a young age for the simple reason that they are what 
is required for blind people to function normally in society.  
Furthermore, I was not raised in the Federation, but among a 
family who was determined to see me succeed just the same as 
anyone else.  The Federation is a wonderful organization for many 
people--I myself, though not a member as of yet, may join it 
sometime in the future.  But being raised outside the Federation 
neither guarantees nor disallows that one will be confident and 
successful.

> ----- Original Message -----
>From: "Graves, Diane" <dgraves at icrc.IN.gov
>To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>Date sent: Tue, 01 Mar 2011 08:59:26 -0600 (CST)
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] the meaning of confidence

>Julie,

>This is so beautifully stated, and so very true.  The really sad 
thing for many of us who didn't always get positive reinforcement 
as children, is that it is much, much harder to acquire as an 
adult.  This is why it is so important to get a cane into the 
hand of a three-year-old, or get them reading Braille as soon as 
possible.  We need to instill in them the knowledge that they 
need to be proud of who they are and not take a backseat to 
anyone.  The more confidence they have as a child, the stronger 
that confidence will be in adulthood.  Those of us who didn't get 
that really have to work hard to acquire and maintain it.  I only 
wish I had half of the confidence that I see in the children who 
grow up in the federation.

>I probably better clarify.  I travel with a cane daily and am 
employed in the mainstream as most of you know.  I manage a home, 
and have a family.  But, as Julie said, confidence is an inner 
feeling.  I fight for and advocate equality, and hold fast to the 
NFB philosophy.  But do I always feel secure and equal? Do I 
always have that sense of inner confidence.  No, and there is 
nothing that can give me that.  I have to develop it on my own.

>Diane Graves
>Civil Rights Specialist
>Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>317-232-2647

>"It is service that measures success."
>George Washington Carver

>Confidentiality Notice: This E-mail transmission may contain 
confidential and/or legally privileged information intended only 
for the individual or entity(ies)
>named in the E-mail address.  If you are not the intended 
recipient, be advised that any unauthorized disclosure, copying, 
distribution, or acting in reliance
>upon the contents of this E-mail is strictly prohibited.  If you 
have received this E-mail transmission in error, please reply to 
sender to arrange for the return and proper delivery of the 
transmission.  Subsequently, delete the message from your system 
immediately.

>-----Original Message-----
>From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org 
[mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Julie J
>Sent: Tuesday, March 01, 2011 9:03 AM
>To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>Subject: [Blindtlk] the meaning of confidence

>I've noticed that often we toss out the word "confidence" in our 
discussions, but I often wonder what exactly is "confidence"?

>I've read promotional material for guide dog schools that tell 
you if you get a guide dog you'll increase your confidence and 
independence.  I've seen claims that if you have good blindness 
skills, you'll be confident.  Jeeze, I've even seen deodorant 
commercials claiming increased confidence if you use their 
product.  *smile*

>But if it was that easy wouldn't we all be confident people?  We 
aren't and even those who claim a strong level of confidence 
still have moments of insecurity.  What then is confidence and 
where does it come from?

>I would assert that confidence comes from within.  It isn't based 
on a cane or a dog or a certain number of skills attained.  I 
believe it is an attitude, an inner knowing.  It is being 
comfortable in your own skin.   I don't think there is anything 
or anyone that can give us confidence.  I believe that it is 
something we must claim for ourselves.

>Certainly there are extrinsic circumstances that assist us on the 
road to claiming confidence for ourselves, like good cane skills 
or a guide dog, but I do not believe that those things *give* us 
anything, except for perhaps the opportunity for self discovery.

>Thoughts?
>Julie
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