[Blindtlk] dating sighted people Vs. Blind people?

Thu May 26 17:15:34 UTC 2011

This is an interesting topic that has been brought up many times... but for
a reason.  The head of the Parents division... who's name escapes me at the
moment... gave an excellent speech on the topic.  

In a nut shell, the message below is dead on!  I have dated both blind and
sighted men.  Currently I am in a year-and-a-half relationship with a
sighted guy.  Since actions speak louder than words, I will tell you that we
are avid hikers, runners, and thanks to him I now am whitewater kayaking.
The point is, though there are sighted people out there who may not give us
a second glance, most people will.  If blind people only hang out with blind
people than they will most likely befriend and date only blind people.  If
that is what they want, then to each his own.  Isn't that limiting
themselves as much as a sighted person who doesn't give a blind person a
chance though.  

To answer the original question, dating blind or sighted people is just
different.  Sure sighted people can drive us around, they can describe
things to us, but are you looking for a partner or a care taker?  This
attitude opens the door to an unhealthy dependency.  

There is an unforeseen advantage to dating a fellow blind person.  They
understand and relate to the daily frustrations in a way that the sighted
partner cannot.  This may sound small, but in my experience it is actually
huge.  There is no "educating" that needs to be done.  They share in ideas
of alternative techniques.  There is no risk of losing independence.  In my
relationship now, I am struggling with when to use my cane and when to just
take Jon's arm.  I feel like if I take his arm too much than I will lose my
skills, and besides what signal is that sending him?

Again to the mother of the blind child, one of the best gifts you can give
your child is to surround him/her with both blind and sighted people alike.
Again, neither is better or worse than the other, they are just different. 

Jessica Kostiw
-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Penny Duffy
Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 10:19 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?

I am a sighted parent of a blind child.  I feel most sighed people can come
to realize that blindness is just a characteristic.  I don't place limited
on my child because she is blind.  I would hope when my child is old enough
to start dating that she doesn't limit herself. She should have high
expectations of sighted people.  I want my child to find someone who
respects her, that find her amazing, beautiful and smart (and much more)  If
that person is sighted or blind it doesn't matter because I believe it
doesn't matter.   Will it matter to my daughter I honestly don't know.

The very first blind person I really met (beyond some much older relatives)
was my daughter.  Most sighted people simply have had the chance.  I am just
a mommy. I don't know whats it like to be blind and I know that many sighted
people do have low expectations of the blind but I also know that many
sighted people just need to be show by example that those misconceptions are
simple misguided.

-- 
--Penny
----------
Adventures with Abby - visionfora.blogspot.com

On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 9:23 PM, Humberto <humbertoa5369 at netzero.net> wrote:

> Hello dear listers,
>
> I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions on the
> topic stated in the subject line. I think this discussion has been shared
> already on this list a little bit but it would be good for us to discuss
> this as a matter of opinions are concerned.
> So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out with a
> sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main differences, if any,
> on dating blind people or sighted people? Will a blind person expect to
date
> or marry another blind person? If I date a sighted person, for instance,
> will I have to deal with the blindness misconceptions that people
sometimes
> have? How can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
blind
> person can become a competent member of society by doing everything else
> that a sighted person can do.
> I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other as much as
2
> sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement. I've been going with
her
> for about 4 years now, and we still keep in touch.
> would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a sighted girl,
> yet knowing that my blindness is just a characteristic? Will she
understand
> that?
> I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't just want to
> start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that if I do choose to
date
> a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my blindness will not stop me
from
> doing anything that I want to, and having high expectations.
> But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted person looks
> for when he or she is trying to date a blind person, versus a blind person
> trying to date a blind person? Is personal gloaming a big deal for this?
> Have you guy gone through experiences like that, whether you decide to
date
> someone who is sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite
> obvious, but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
> people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They first look at
> you visually and they know immediately whether to stick with one or not.
> Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
>
> Cheers,  Humberto
>
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