[Blindtlk] Refusal To Use A Cane

[Julie J.]

Peter,

what is the real issue behind this need to have this woman use a cane?  
I strongly suspect there is some deeper issue going on here.

Perhaps she is embarrassing the rest of the chapter?  I will freely 
admit that I struggle a lot with feelings of embarrassment when I am 
around blind people with very poor skills.  I don't like being grouped 
in with them or compared to them.  It's very much an issue of my own 
prejudices.  I'm working hard to accept people where they are, not where 
I want them to be.  It's a work in progress.

Perhaps some people are feeling that she is lazy and should get with the 
program.  Learning blindness skills is hard work that takes time.  
Perhaps some people are feeling that they had to work hard to be where 
they are and this woman is a freeloader.  She's getting the benefits of 
their hard work both in regard to assistance in and out of the building 
as well as in the general advances the NFB has made for blind people.   
She's reaping the rewards without lifting a finger.

Perhaps it is an affront to the other blind folks sense of what it means 
to be blind.  quite often the long white cane is the symbol of 
blindness.  Within the NFB the long white cane is also often the symbol 
for personal independence.  By this woman's refusal to carry or use a 
cane, she is not acknowledging independence for blind people as a whole.

Perhaps there are some folks that have issues with controlling others.  
You cannot control others actions.  All you can do is run your own 
life.  Loads of folks choose to do stupid things on a daily basis.   
Look at all the people who smoke cigarettes, drink to excess, refuse to 
exercise, eat McDonalds and the list goes on and on.  Are those things 
smart, no, but I bet most of us on this list have done most of those 
things at one time or another.  I bet we have also done some stupid 
thing or another in regard to our blindness.  Those things don't make us 
horrible, terrible people in need of consequences.  those mistakes make 
us human.  Let this woman make her own choices.  The consequences will 
occur naturally.  she doesn't need her nose rubbed in her mistakes.

I can understand how hard it is to watch someone make what I consider to 
be mistakes.  It's really hard to sit on your hands and let them learn 
in their own time.  I don't mean that we shouldn't offer help or 
resources or whatever, but when the person is knowledgeable about the 
issue and makes their choices regardless, we have to respect their 
decision and back off.  Yes, she will probably fall, however that isn't 
your fault and it sure isn't your responsibility.  this woman is an adult.

Now if you don't want her in your home because you think she is going to 
break your stuff or cause a disturbance or whatever, then don't invite 
her over.  It's your home, your stuff and your decision.

I teach a parenting class.  In it one of the main principles is to stop 
telling your kids what they are going to do and start telling them what 
you are going to do.  So no more you have to eat all your food.  How are 
you going to enforce that?  You can't actually make the kid eat the peas 
and carrots.  Instead try the statement I give dessert to kids who eat  
their vegetables.  It's a subtle change, but it has huge effects.  
You're allowing the other person to make their own choices.  You are 
empowering them to be their own person.  There is also no power 
struggle, no drill sergeant in charge.  Each person is responsible for 
their own actions.  Likewise each person is responsible for the 
consequences of those actions.

Julie