[Blindtlk] Refusal To Use A Cane

[Michelle Medina]

Diane,
I can't believe anyohne would try to do that!! I've had people even in
my own family grab my cane, but they'll do it when their messing with
me. It's like a prank and once I tell them paws off it's over. But
never to "leadZ" me around like it's a leash. *shakes head*

Julie,
I like that, in fact, I love it!!!!!!!
I don't have Children of my own yet, but just reading what you wrote,
I wonder if my life wouldn't have turned out differently, and if I
wouldn't have felt more in control of my life if I had felt like I was
making choices/was empowered to do so.

To the list as a whole:
I don't use the long white canes anyway. I use a collapsable one and
it does the job perfectly for me. Would that mean I wouldn't be
accepted over that? I should hope not, because I feel safer and way
more independent with it then I'd ever feel without it.

On 12/16/12, Julie J. <julielj at neb.rr.com> wrote:
> Peter,
>
> what is the real issue behind this need to have this woman use a cane?
> I strongly suspect there is some deeper issue going on here.
>
> Perhaps she is embarrassing the rest of the chapter?  I will freely
> admit that I struggle a lot with feelings of embarrassment when I am
> around blind people with very poor skills.  I don't like being grouped
> in with them or compared to them.  It's very much an issue of my own
> prejudices.  I'm working hard to accept people where they are, not where
> I want them to be.  It's a work in progress.
>
> Perhaps some people are feeling that she is lazy and should get with the
> program.  Learning blindness skills is hard work that takes time.
> Perhaps some people are feeling that they had to work hard to be where
> they are and this woman is a freeloader.  She's getting the benefits of
> their hard work both in regard to assistance in and out of the building
> as well as in the general advances the NFB has made for blind people.
> She's reaping the rewards without lifting a finger.
>
> Perhaps it is an affront to the other blind folks sense of what it means
> to be blind.  quite often the long white cane is the symbol of
> blindness.  Within the NFB the long white cane is also often the symbol
> for personal independence.  By this woman's refusal to carry or use a
> cane, she is not acknowledging independence for blind people as a whole.
>
> Perhaps there are some folks that have issues with controlling others.
> You cannot control others actions.  All you can do is run your own
> life.  Loads of folks choose to do stupid things on a daily basis.
> Look at all the people who smoke cigarettes, drink to excess, refuse to
> exercise, eat McDonalds and the list goes on and on.  Are those things
> smart, no, but I bet most of us on this list have done most of those
> things at one time or another.  I bet we have also done some stupid
> thing or another in regard to our blindness.  Those things don't make us
> horrible, terrible people in need of consequences.  those mistakes make
> us human.  Let this woman make her own choices.  The consequences will
> occur naturally.  she doesn't need her nose rubbed in her mistakes.
>
> I can understand how hard it is to watch someone make what I consider to
> be mistakes.  It's really hard to sit on your hands and let them learn
> in their own time.  I don't mean that we shouldn't offer help or
> resources or whatever, but when the person is knowledgeable about the
> issue and makes their choices regardless, we have to respect their
> decision and back off.  Yes, she will probably fall, however that isn't
> your fault and it sure isn't your responsibility.  this woman is an adult.
>
> Now if you don't want her in your home because you think she is going to
> break your stuff or cause a disturbance or whatever, then don't invite
> her over.  It's your home, your stuff and your decision.
>
> I teach a parenting class.  In it one of the main principles is to stop
> telling your kids what they are going to do and start telling them what
> you are going to do.  So no more you have to eat all your food.  How are
> you going to enforce that?  You can't actually make the kid eat the peas
> and carrots.  Instead try the statement I give dessert to kids who eat
> their vegetables.  It's a subtle change, but it has huge effects.
> You're allowing the other person to make their own choices.  You are
> empowering them to be their own person.  There is also no power
> struggle, no drill sergeant in charge.  Each person is responsible for
> their own actions.  Likewise each person is responsible for the
> consequences of those actions.
>
> Julie
>
>
>
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