[Blindtlk] Hiring a Driver

Thu Dec 12 16:47:36 UTC 2013

Hi Desiree,
I have been following this thread with concern. IT sounds to me like maybe
your parents do not believe in any kind of friendship for adults and that
friendship goes away when you leave school. Please do correct me if I'm
wrong here.
That sounds like an extremely isolating way to live and I do hope that you
will be able to break away from what I see as a very limited way to live
life. I encourage you to reach out to form friendships with folks who have
things in common with you including blindness. I would hate to think that
anyone should have to live with only the support of family and no support
from anywhere else. As you have seen, folks on this very list care about
you. You really do need to reach out to others for support at this time in
my humble opinion. 
Now to what is normal. Sounds like your parents don't think it's normal for
you to have any kind of relationships with other blind persons and that is
truly a crying shame. While I'm not an NFB member, I would strongly
encourage you to reach out to other members of NFB or other groups of either
blind persons or persons with other disabilities. 
You know, it just occurred to me that maybe your parents don't believe in
networking and networking is a very healthy activity that usually leads to
good things like employment, understanding, friendships, and opportunities
that otherwise would not be available to you.
Best wishes in your path and please know that you will remain in my
thoughts. 
Bob Hachey 

-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Desiree
Oudinot
Sent: Thursday, December 12, 2013 4:54 AM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Hiring a Driver

Hi Arielle,
Yes, that's about right. I don't know if my parents quite think of it the
way you describe, but they do seem to think that, once you become an adult,
friendships happen accidentally. They don't think that co-workers should be
friends, and, to them, that's the only time you might socially interact with
someone. They both think that you can be nice to the people you work with,
but interacting with them outside of work is unacceptable.
I do think they have a problem with me hanging out with people that are
blind, because they think I should be more "normal" than that, but it
doesn't change the fact that, underneath it all, they gave the same dire
warnings to my sister, who is sighted, about forming friendships in
adulthood. Because, according to them, you only meet people you work with.
They have a problem with the fact that my sister met her current partner
online, but that's a whole other story.
I apologize for the sarcasm, but that is how they form their own values, and
that's the way they expect my sister and I to follow suit.

On 12/10/2013 10:36 PM, Arielle Silverman wrote:
> I'm wondering if what they are opposed to is having a social life at 
> all, or having a social life with other blind people? I'm guessing 
> maybe the friends you want to visit, who live far away, are blind?
> I mention this because I too have had difficulties in the past with 
> members of my family not accepting my blind-friend network as a real 
> social network. It's much better now, but when I was in college, they 
> would constantly encourage me to "get out there and make friends" and 
> not to hang out with my blind friends too much. I think on some level 
> they thought my friendships with other blind people weren't mature, 
> real friendships.
> Arielle
>
> On 12/10/13, Linda <waterinmyroom at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I do not understand this.  If adults are not supposed to have a 
>> social life, how would one meet a potential mate?  The only men who 
>> asked me to lunch were the ones I met when I was out of the house 
>> living my life.  Unless a marriage is arranged by the parents, how 
>> else would a person get married and have a family?
>>
>>> On Dec 10, 2013, at 8:14 PM, Desiree Oudinot 
>>> <turtlepower17 at gmail.com>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>> Hi,
>>> The reason I asked that particular question is because my parents 
>>> seem to think that, once you become an adult, having a social life 
>>> is unnecessary and counterproductive. I don't want to go too far 
>>> into it, because I know that personal anecdotes are usually met with 
>>> a lot of criticism on this listserv, so let's leave it at that.
>>> Thanks for your response.
>>>
>>>> On 12/10/2013 7:47 PM, justin williams wrote:
>>>> It's actually not juvenile to desire a social life; you deserve a 
>>>> social life too.  That is a very normal thing and everyone performs 
>>>> better in school and in life when they have one.  A church would 
>>>> expect a certain level of involvement; probably attendance in Sunday
service.
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
>>>> Desiree Oudinot
>>>> Sent: Tuesday, December 10, 2013 6:39 PM
>>>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Hiring a Driver
>>>>
>>>> Hi,
>>>> I, too, live in a rural area of PA, so your message really 
>>>> resonated with me. I have some questions and concerns that perhaps 
>>>> you can shed some light on.
>>>> I also don't get out of my house very often. There is no 
>>>> Paratransit service. My family is either working or, let's just 
>>>> say, not being supportive of me. If I wanted to go somewhere, I 
>>>> would have to call a cab, and we all know how expensive that can 
>>>> be, particularly when we're not just talking about riding down a 
>>>> few city blocks, but for several miles to get to the grocery store 
>>>> or what have you.
>>>> As for hiring a driver, I'll admit that I've never actually tried 
>>>> it, but because of the fact that things aren't exactly close at 
>>>> hand, I would think I would have to pay an arm and a leg to get any 
>>>> kind of services.
>>>> I disagree that taking a class at a community college is as easy as 
>>>> you're making it sound. When I was considering taking that route, 
>>>> my VR counselor told me flat out that transportation could not be 
>>>> provided to and from the college because it was too far away. they 
>>>> also wouldn't pay for the classes because you have to take at least 
>>>> 12 credits in order for the state to fund it. Community college 
>>>> courses may not be terribly expensive, but for folks like Michelle 
>>>> and myself who live on SSI, providing our own transportation, plus 
>>>> paying for the class would simply not be feasible.
>>>> I also have to ask this, and I'm not trying to start an argument, 
>>>> so please take it as a general query only. If I started calling 
>>>> around to local churches, wouldn't I have to be a member of their 
>>>> congregation before they would even think about providing rides? I 
>>>> consider myself to be a non-denominational Christian. I believe, 
>>>> but I do not want to be a part of an organized religion. I feel 
>>>> that I am entitled to this opinion, and that just because I'm 
>>>> blind, I shouldn't have to join an organization that I'll most 
>>>> likely be uncomfortable with just to be able to go places. I feel 
>>>> that's unfair both to myself and to the people who might provide 
>>>> transportation. They would expect a certain level of faith and 
>>>> involvement from me that I can't give, and I would expect them not 
>>>> to badger me about it. Either way you slice it, it doesn't seem 
>>>> right.
>>>> It seems like it would cause a lot of strife and ill will.
>>>> I could be wrong about this, but I wish there were other places one 
>>>> could reach out to that didn't have that kind of burden attached to 
>>>> it.
>>>> Furthermore, how would payment be handled if you needed to travel a 
>>>> long distance? For example, many of my friends live at least an 
>>>> hour away. I haven't seen them in years. I wouldn't really expect 
>>>> someone to drive that far just to fulfill such a personal need. If 
>>>> I did, I would probably feel obligated to pay them as much money as 
>>>> a cab company would charge to go such a long distance. It's one 
>>>> thing if I need to go to the doctor or the store; things that 
>>>> adults do, in other words. But I would feel highly uncomfortable 
>>>> with expecting someone to chauffeur me for long distances just 
>>>> because I would like a social life. Is that really as juvenile as I
think it is?
>>>> Again, I'm asking this in all seriousness, because I don't know.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> On 12/9/2013 3:19 PM, Ericka Short wrote:
>>>>> I usually refrain from taking sides but as a trained social worker 
>>>>> I have to agree with Dave.  The rest of the world doesn't know you 
>>>>> exist and they won't come to you so you have to make an effort.  I 
>>>>> was raised in a town of just over 10,000 which was the county 
>>>>> seat.  There was no transit available at all.  You either waked, 
>>>>> rode with  family or a friend, neighbor etc. Call any faith-based 
>>>>> organization, share your situation and they will help you.  
>>>>> Perhaps the county social services needs to hear your story so 
>>>>> they can help.  I hope the fact you could be the instigator of 
>>>>> change in you community for the better motivates you to look into 
>>>>> things more.  This is coming from someone so shy nobody  heard me
speak in public until I was in 7th grade.
>>>>> College was very liberating and I dropped the shy person I was for 
>>>>> the most part and found my voice.
>>>>>
>>>>> If it is a college class you want to take, contact the disability 
>>>>> services program for ideas before signing up.  This is part of 
>>>>> their job.  They are there to help with more than just get your 
>>>>> books in a special format or help you find your way around. 
>>>>> Contact the state services for the blind or office of the  blind. 
>>>>> In WI the office for the blind works strictly with adults who are 
>>>>> either not working or are in retirement and need help doing daily 
>>>>> living tasks.  No matter what state, you are not alone Michelle. 
>>>>> There are a lots of people in WI stuck in rural areas with nothing 
>>>>> but 300 residents, a bar, a church and perhaps a convenience 
>>>>> store.  Neighbors are miles away, not just down the street.  Just keep
looking.
>>>>>
>>>>> Ericka J. Short
>>>>> 262-697-0510
>>>>>
>>>>> "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". 
>>>>> Philippians
>>>>> 4:13
>>>>>
>>>>> "No hand is too small or too big to do good in this world." EJ. 
>>>>> Short
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>> gmail.com
>>>>>
>>>>> .
>>>> --
>>>> Desiree
>>>>
>>>>
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>>>>
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>>> --
>>> Desiree
>>>
>>>
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--
Desiree

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