[Blindtlk] Hiring a Driver

Thu Dec 12 09:53:49 UTC 2013

Hi Arielle,
Yes, that's about right. I don't know if my parents quite think of it 
the way you describe, but they do seem to think that, once you become an 
adult, friendships happen accidentally. They don't think that co-workers 
should be friends, and, to them, that's the only time you might socially 
interact with someone. They both think that you can be nice to the 
people you work with, but interacting with them outside of work is 
unacceptable.
I do think they have a problem with me hanging out with people that are 
blind, because they think I should be more "normal" than that, but it 
doesn't change the fact that, underneath it all, they gave the same dire 
warnings to my sister, who is sighted, about forming friendships in 
adulthood. Because, according to them, you only meet people you work 
with. They have a problem with the fact that my sister met her current 
partner online, but that's a whole other story.
I apologize for the sarcasm, but that is how they form their own values, 
and that's the way they expect my sister and I to follow suit.

On 12/10/2013 10:36 PM, Arielle Silverman wrote:
> I'm wondering if what they are opposed to is having a social life at
> all, or having a social life with other blind people? I'm guessing
> maybe the friends you want to visit, who live far away, are blind?
> I mention this because I too have had difficulties in the past with
> members of my family not accepting my blind-friend network as a real
> social network. It's much better now, but when I was in college, they
> would constantly encourage me to "get out there and make friends" and
> not to hang out with my blind friends too much. I think on some level
> they thought my friendships with other blind people weren't mature,
> real friendships.
> Arielle
>
> On 12/10/13, Linda <waterinmyroom at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I do not understand this.  If adults are not supposed to have a social life,
>> how would one meet a potential mate?  The only men who asked me to lunch
>> were the ones I met when I was out of the house living my life.  Unless a
>> marriage is arranged by the parents, how else would a person get married and
>> have a family?
>>
>>> On Dec 10, 2013, at 8:14 PM, Desiree Oudinot <turtlepower17 at gmail.com>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>> Hi,
>>> The reason I asked that particular question is because my parents seem to
>>> think that, once you become an adult, having a social life is unnecessary
>>> and counterproductive. I don't want to go too far into it, because I know
>>> that personal anecdotes are usually met with a lot of criticism on this
>>> listserv, so let's leave it at that.
>>> Thanks for your response.
>>>
>>>> On 12/10/2013 7:47 PM, justin williams wrote:
>>>> It's actually not juvenile to desire a social life; you deserve a social
>>>> life too.  That is a very normal thing and everyone performs better in
>>>> school and in life when they have one.  A church would expect a certain
>>>> level of involvement; probably attendance in Sunday service.
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Desiree
>>>> Oudinot
>>>> Sent: Tuesday, December 10, 2013 6:39 PM
>>>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Hiring a Driver
>>>>
>>>> Hi,
>>>> I, too, live in a rural area of PA, so your message really resonated
>>>> with
>>>> me. I have some questions and concerns that perhaps you can shed some
>>>> light
>>>> on.
>>>> I also don't get out of my house very often. There is no Paratransit
>>>> service. My family is either working or, let's just say, not being
>>>> supportive of me. If I wanted to go somewhere, I would have to call a
>>>> cab,
>>>> and we all know how expensive that can be, particularly when we're not
>>>> just
>>>> talking about riding down a few city blocks, but for several miles to get
>>>> to
>>>> the grocery store or what have you.
>>>> As for hiring a driver, I'll admit that I've never actually tried it,
>>>> but
>>>> because of the fact that things aren't exactly close at hand, I would
>>>> think
>>>> I would have to pay an arm and a leg to get any kind of services.
>>>> I disagree that taking a class at a community college is as easy as
>>>> you're
>>>> making it sound. When I was considering taking that route, my VR
>>>> counselor
>>>> told me flat out that transportation could not be provided to and from
>>>> the
>>>> college because it was too far away. they also wouldn't pay for the
>>>> classes
>>>> because you have to take at least 12 credits in order for the state to
>>>> fund
>>>> it. Community college courses may not be terribly expensive, but for
>>>> folks
>>>> like Michelle and myself who live on SSI, providing our own
>>>> transportation,
>>>> plus paying for the class would simply not be feasible.
>>>> I also have to ask this, and I'm not trying to start an argument, so
>>>> please
>>>> take it as a general query only. If I started calling around to local
>>>> churches, wouldn't I have to be a member of their congregation before
>>>> they
>>>> would even think about providing rides? I consider myself to be a
>>>> non-denominational Christian. I believe, but I do not want to be a part
>>>> of
>>>> an organized religion. I feel that I am entitled to this opinion, and
>>>> that
>>>> just because I'm blind, I shouldn't have to join an organization that
>>>> I'll
>>>> most likely be uncomfortable with just to be able to go places. I feel
>>>> that's unfair both to myself and to the people who might provide
>>>> transportation. They would expect a certain level of faith and
>>>> involvement
>>>> from me that I can't give, and I would expect them not to badger me
>>>> about
>>>> it. Either way you slice it, it doesn't seem right.
>>>> It seems like it would cause a lot of strife and ill will.
>>>> I could be wrong about this, but I wish there were other places one
>>>> could
>>>> reach out to that didn't have that kind of burden attached to it.
>>>> Furthermore, how would payment be handled if you needed to travel a long
>>>> distance? For example, many of my friends live at least an hour away. I
>>>> haven't seen them in years. I wouldn't really expect someone to drive
>>>> that
>>>> far just to fulfill such a personal need. If I did, I would probably
>>>> feel
>>>> obligated to pay them as much money as a cab company would charge to go
>>>> such
>>>> a long distance. It's one thing if I need to go to the doctor or the
>>>> store;
>>>> things that adults do, in other words. But I would feel highly
>>>> uncomfortable
>>>> with expecting someone to chauffeur me for long distances just because I
>>>> would like a social life. Is that really as juvenile as I think it is?
>>>> Again, I'm asking this in all seriousness, because I don't know.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> On 12/9/2013 3:19 PM, Ericka Short wrote:
>>>>> I usually refrain from taking sides but as a trained social worker I
>>>>> have to agree with Dave.  The rest of the world doesn't know you exist
>>>>> and they won't come to you so you have to make an effort.  I was
>>>>> raised in a town of just over 10,000 which was the county seat.  There
>>>>> was no transit available at all.  You either waked, rode with  family
>>>>> or a friend, neighbor etc. Call any faith-based organization, share
>>>>> your situation and they will help you.  Perhaps the county social
>>>>> services needs to hear your story so they can help.  I hope the fact
>>>>> you could be the instigator of change in you community for the better
>>>>> motivates you to look into things more.  This is coming from someone
>>>>> so shy nobody  heard me speak in public until I was in 7th grade.
>>>>> College was very liberating and I dropped the shy person I was for the
>>>>> most part and found my voice.
>>>>>
>>>>> If it is a college class you want to take, contact the disability
>>>>> services program for ideas before signing up.  This is part of their
>>>>> job.  They are there to help with more than just get your books in a
>>>>> special format or help you find your way around. Contact the state
>>>>> services for the blind or office of the  blind. In WI the office for
>>>>> the blind works strictly with adults who are either not working or are
>>>>> in retirement and need help doing daily living tasks.  No matter what
>>>>> state, you are not alone Michelle. There are a lots of people in WI
>>>>> stuck in rural areas with nothing but 300 residents, a bar, a church
>>>>> and perhaps a convenience store.  Neighbors are miles away, not just
>>>>> down the street.  Just keep looking.
>>>>>
>>>>> Ericka J. Short
>>>>> 262-697-0510
>>>>>
>>>>> "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Philippians
>>>>> 4:13
>>>>>
>>>>> "No hand is too small or too big to do good in this world." EJ. Short
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
>>>>> .
>>>> --
>>>> Desiree
>>>>
>>>>
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>>>>
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>>> --
>>> Desiree
>>>
>>>
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-- 
Desiree