[Blindtlk] blind people being loners

Judy Jones jtj1 at cableone.net
Sat Jan 26 04:57:48 UTC 2013 

To my way of thinking, being a loner is more of a personality trait, rather 
than being related to blindness itself.  I can tell you, though, that, as 
much as I love being with people, I energize when by myself, and enjoy being 
by myself, but that's my personality.

Judy

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Devin Prater" <r.d.t.prater at gmail.com>
To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2013 9:23 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners


> For me, I'm happy being alone for a while. My parents work a lot, but each 
> at different times so one is usually home, but when my Mom wasn't married, 
> she'd leave me at home alone for the day. I really loved it, the quietness 
> of the house and having no other people around but me. I didn't do much, 
> but I still enjoyed my time alone, doing small lunches in the microwave 
> and things.
> Devin Prater
> r.d.t.prater at gmail.com
>
>
>
> On Jan 25, 2013, at 8:40 PM, Chris Nusbaum <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com> 
> wrote:
>
>> Gary, Steve, RJ and all,
>>
>> I agree with what has been said, especially the comments made by
>> Steve and Gary. Although blindness can sometimes be a factor in making
>> someone lonely, it is not the only factor. If you ask around in our
>> Federation or read any of the Kernel Books, you will find countless 
>> stories
>> of blind people who have found themselves depressed, lonely, isolated, 
>> and
>> even suicidal as they are first learning to cope with their new-found
>> blindness. Since I was born totally blind, I have never really had this
>> experience. However, I believe these initial feelings are completely 
>> valid
>> and I'm sure that I might have shared these feelings had I lost my sight
>> later in life.
>>
>> I think this loneliness or depression, or, as RJ put it, being a
>> "loner," does not have to do with the blindness itself, but rather with 
>> how
>> the effected person perceives his/her blindness and the life he/she will
>> live after the reality of blindness sets in. Most of you, and indeed most 
>> of
>> the members of the NFB, can probably attest to this. Are you depressed? 
>> Do
>> you feel lonely or isolated? Do you feel devastated by your own blindness 
>> or
>> helpless without sight? I have been a member and contributor to this list
>> for almost two years now, and I believe that I am not too far off the 
>> mark
>> when I say that most of you would answer "no" to these questions. Yet, 
>> you
>> have been blind for a substantial part of your lives and you remain blind
>> now. Some of you, like myself, have been blind all your lives; others 
>> lost
>> your sight during childhood; and still others lost yours as an adult. If
>> blindness makes you depressed, you all are very good at hiding it.
>>
>> I think by now you see my point. In my opinion, if blindness is a
>> factor in making a person a "loner" at all, it is not because of the loss 
>> of
>> sight, but because of how a newly blind person sees himself or herself 
>> after
>> blindness. This has to do, I believe, with society's misconceptions about
>> blindness and the public's fear of it. It's not the newly blind person's
>> fault; he/she doesn't know any better. As Dr. Jernigan has so often and 
>> so
>> eloquently said, "The real problem of blindness is not the loss of 
>> eyesight,
>> but the misunderstanding and lack of information which exist." So, this 
>> is
>> where we in the NFB come in. These newly blind people need support, and 
>> we
>> can give it to them. They need hope, and we can give that to them. They 
>> need
>> reassurance, and we can definitely give that to them. I believe that this 
>> is
>> some of the most important work we do in the Federation.
>>
>> RJ, I hope this answers your question and that my response makes
>> sense and doesn't offend anyone. The good news is that we, the blind 
>> members
>> of the NFB, can help these "loners" realize that their blindness does not
>> have to confine them to their current loneliness.
>>
>> Chris
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gary 
>> Wunder
>> Sent: Friday, January 25, 2013 6:01 PM
>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>>
>> Hello, Steve.  As usual you have written a wonderful response which 
>> reflects
>> a great deal of thoughtfulness and life experience.  I don't find myself
>> disagreeing with anything you say.  As much is anything I think I would 
>> like
>> to see RJ say what he believes and the problems he may be having rather 
>> than
>> assuming that blindness is the reason for being lonely or alone or 
>> whatever
>> he meant.
>>
>> I think that very often blindness in and of itself doesn't cause a 
>> problem
>> but that often it can exacerbate problems that are all too common.  I 
>> think
>> it is more difficult to live as an impoverished blind person than it is 
>> an
>> impoverished sighted person.  I think it is harder to find good 
>> counseling
>> if one is depressed and blind than if she is simply depressed.
>> Transportation certainly does isolate us, and I think that where one 
>> chooses
>> to live must be significantly influenced by blindness if one is not to 
>> find
>> him or herself at the mercy of family and friends.
>>
>> I grew up in a town that had 216 people living in it when I was there. 
>> It
>> still has less than 1000.  When I go home to visit, it doesn't take long 
>> for
>> me to realize how few options I have in going where I want to go and in
>> going when I say I want to go.  I need a town with some transportation
>> infrastructure.  I need enough money to be able to use that 
>> transportation.
>>
>>
>> I can't tell you how many people call here who struggle with not being 
>> able
>> to get an education or find a job, but they will not consider moving 
>> because
>> most of the people they know live in their little town, or they already 
>> have
>> equity in their house, or they would find learning a new area too much of 
>> a
>> challenge.  It is hard to know how to help them.
>>
>> People who have significant medical needs are best served when they lived
>> near a major hospital. This is a physical reality that won't change just
>> because someone says it isn't fair that where one lives can determine the
>> timeliness and effectiveness of the care they can reasonably access. I 
>> think
>> the same may be true of being blind. One can live wherever he or she 
>> wants,
>> but there are consequences in deciding to live or stay in a small town. I
>> experience some sadness when I go home and realize the visit is over and 
>> I
>> live three hours from my family, but I also know that I couldn't live
>> independently in that small farming community where every trip to get
>> groceries, go to the hardware store, or visit the bank is determined by 
>> the
>> schedule of another.
>>
>>
>> Gary
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Steve
>> Jacobson
>> Sent: Friday, January 25, 2013 11:00 AM
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>>
>> My guess is that he probably had something in mind when he asked this
>> question.  While I don't think all blind persons are loners, I definitely
>> think that there are definite barriers to become a part of a group of
>> sighted persons.  In my case, some of the barriers may well be of my own
>> making, I won't claim otherwise, but not all of them.  I also think that
>> blind kids are often forced to find their own way of entertaining 
>> themselves
>> unless they are particularly lucky.  There are many variables involved in
>> looking at what makes each of us what we are, and there are many dangers 
>> in
>> drawing conclusions based upon one characteristic, but I think it is 
>> wrong
>> to deny that blindness can sometimes isolate one even if one is not
>> naturally a loner.  Transportation can by itself be a key factor in being
>> isolated.  While I don't think it makes sense that being isolated is
>> something that should be denied or swept under the rug, I also don't feel
>> one should just sit around being isolated and feeling sorry for oneself.
>> There are things that one can do about it.  Also, realizing that it 
>> simply
>> happens sometimes and not getting all bent out of shape about it helps.
>> Finally, I believe strongly that being comfortable with other blind 
>> people
>> is not a bad thing.  I am not saying that one needs to stick to 
>> socializing
>> with blind people and forget about those who are sighted, but neither 
>> should
>> one feel that getting support from others who share one's characteristic 
>> is
>> a bad thing.
>>
>> Best regards,
>>
>> Steve Jacobson
>>
>> On Fri, 25 Jan 2013 01:03:15 -0600, Chasity Jackson wrote:
>>
>>> I do not agree with this either.
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Gary Wunder" <gwunder at earthlink.net>
>>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Thursday, January 24, 2013 4:00 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>>
>>
>>>> Hi, RJ. I do not. Do you?
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of RJ
>>>> Sandefur
>>>> Sent: Thursday, January 24, 2013 3:48 PM
>>>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>>>>
>>>> Why do you think a lot of blind people are loners? In other words
>>>> isolated?
>>>> RJ _______________________________________________
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>>
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