[Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted

[Julie J.]

Ericka,

My husband is sighted.  Before me he knew one other blind person and she 
had only been blind for a short time before he met me.  So his firsthand 
experience with blindness was extremely limited.   I think this actually 
turned out to be a good thing because he  hadn't come to a lot of odd 
assumptions about what I could and couldn't do.

We have been married for 8 years now.  Anyway from the beginning I would 
just explain what would be helpful and what wouldn't as things came up 
in everyday life.  When we went to a restaurant and he tried to steer me 
from behind pressing on my shoulders, what is affectionately called the 
wheelbarrow method, I asked him to please never do that again.  I 
explained that I find it extremely disconcerting and awkward.  Instead I 
asked that he give me verbal directions or offer his arm for me to 
take.    I absolutely insist that whatever mobility method I use at any 
given moment, cane, guide dog, sighted guide or nothing, that it is 
always my choice.

Our method for the mail and bills is this.  Whomever comes home first 
grabs the mail out of the box.  It goes on the end of the dining room 
table for sorting.  My husband sorts through the mail, putting my 
letters in a pile on the designated corner of my desk where I have asked 
him to put them.  I go through my mail myself using a CCTV.  We have 
split up our household bills so that we are each responsible or specific 
bills.   We have separate checking accounts.

I too live in a small town.  There is limited public transportation.  
There is a door to door van service, a town to town van service, one 
taxi and shuttles that will take you to nearby larger cities that the 
local vans don't go to.  Mostly though, I walk.  The cool thing about 
little towns is that they are small enough that you can walk to most 
everything.  I can get to the bank, post office, courthouse, shopping, 
grocery stores, farmers market etc.  I cannot walk to WalMart, the 
hospital and one school where I have periodic meetings.  When I need a 
ride someplace I ask him.  If he is able to take me he'll let me know.  
If he can't I ask someone else.

I agree organization is important.  Fortunately both my husband and 
myself are pretty organized.  We do have our individual messy spaces 
though.  His desk drives me nuts.  It's piles and piles of papers 
everywhere.   My craft supplies tend to be a bit wild too.  However the 
common living spaces are kept neat and organized.  It works for us.

Could you have him read the credit card number to you so you could put 
it into a format that allows you independent access?  Maybe write it in 
bold black marker, Braille or audio?   Then you could use it to pay on 
line bills or internet shopping or whatever you needed.

I agree with the suggestion to check out what services are available in 
your state.  I think when you feel more comfortable and confident in 
yourself that it will ease your husband's mind.

Julie