[Blindtlk] blindtlk Digest, Vol 81, Issue 19
Mike Freeman
k7uij at panix.com
Sat Mar 16 22:20:52 UTC 2013
Julie:
A hearty amen to the issues being more those of a relationship rather than
primarily blindness-related. If anything, blindness is only the catalyst
that may bring other issues into the open. And they're not sex-based, that
is, husbands can have problems with wives as well as vice versa.
Mike Freeman
-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Julie J.
Sent: Saturday, March 16, 2013 2:41 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blindtlk Digest, Vol 81, Issue 19
The town I live in is considerably smaller than where you live. There's
less than 8,000 people here. I wouldn't say that we have a lot of
transportation options. We have no bus system. The vans all require a
couple of days minimum notice. The shuttles that connect you to other towns
only run on certain days of the week or month. None of it is free. I used
to live in a bigger city that had fixed route buses. It was nice to be able
to decide to go somewhere last minute, jump on a bus and go. No, not the
same convenience as a car, but quite a bit better than planning a week in
advance.
I think a lot of what you are experiencing with your husband isn't so much
about blindness specifically, but is more about learning to live together.
I think men need to be helped in understanding how to keep the house the way
you want it. *smile* I know that sounds really bad.
I mean it honestly though. You have to ask for what you want, remind
frequently, express appreciation when he does it right and reinforce the
behavior you want. It gets easier with time or you just get used to it.
I'm not sure which. *smile*
There are still things my husband does that drive me crazy. Some I've
decided I can live with. Others I'm actively working to change. I don't
see it so much as blindness issues though. It's just ordinary relationship
issues.
Julie
On 3/16/2013 2:11 PM, Ericka J. Short wrote:
> Some of the things that have been shared I already do. I am
> well-connected with the state services but never asked for help
> finding ways to solve his concerns. I never thought of it. I have
> asked for passwords and the crdit number and he just hasn't gotten
> around to it. I have a small notebook with it all in there. I did
> write it in a sharpie which makes for easy reading. I don't hink he
> realizes how the credit card isn't able to be read on the cctv. I
> think as Julie mentioned, prior experience makes a difference. We
> know many not so well adapted blind people and he things of them
> when I say I have something I just cannot do alone. I've tried the
> "mail at this spot on the table" approach but he doesn't remember.
> There are many redeeming reasons I married him. I just wanted to say
> that so you don't think I married our of desperation or something
> nutty like that.
> Julie, you are very lucky to have all the transit options in a small
> town. I grew up in a town of 10,300 with only walking and one taxi as
> the options unless I relied on parents or friends. I walked a lot
> too. It was awesome! Since most of my sighted friends didn't have
> cars in high school I didn't feel left out. Unfortunately I missed
> out on some good O and M trainng I really needed when I moved as an
> adult. Even my college town had the same transit options.
> Wisconsin is really behind when it comes to transportation and our
> Gov. is no help!
>
> This listserve is so wonderful! It stinks when you feel like you are
> the only one in the pickle barrel!
>
> Ericka
> -----Original Message----- From: blindtlk-request at nfbnet.org
> Sent: Saturday, March 16, 2013 12:00 PM
> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> Subject: blindtlk Digest, Vol 81, Issue 19
>
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> Today's Topics:
>
> 1. Re: visually impaired married to a sighted (justin williams)
> 2. Re: visually impaired married to a sighted (justin williams)
> 3. Re: visually impaired married to a sighted (Julie J.)
> 4. Re: visually impaired married to a sighted (Bryan Schulz)
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Message: 1
> Date: Fri, 15 Mar 2013 01:15:59 -0400
> From: "justin williams" <justin.williams2 at gmail.com>
> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
> Message-ID: <006f01ce213c$2edef0c0$8c9cd240$@gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
>
> Wow. I don't know how you do that. I have simply decided that I am
> not living anywhere where there isn't a city that has at least desent
> transportation around me. I am not downing what you did, but that is not
> for me. I hope you can do a few things you like to do. I think you
> really
> persevered through that. Great job.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Mari
> Hunziker
> Sent: Friday, March 15, 2013 11:00 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
>
> HI Ericka,
>
> I can totally relate. I am legally blind, low to high partical
> depending on the day as well married to a sighted man. We have been
> married for 15 and a half years and it has taken us a very long time
> to figure it out. I'd even say we are still learning how to deal with
> it each day. I too live in a small town in Texas with no
> transportation. I must rely on neighbors, friends, church members or
> my husband. He was in school fro the last 8 years
> - gone from 7am till about 11pm. I had to find the courage to ask
> someone for a ride. He just graduated in December and he is available
> a little more to help drive me around to get errands done. I've
> learned that I don't ever get to do what I want to do. Now that we
> have kids their needs come first.
> Grocery shopping, clothes, shoe, school supply shopping and then
> anything else that needs to get done. I have learned to plan and that
> actually took a while to develop since I am not a very organized
> person when it comes to meal planning. But my friends from church
> turned me onto a great monthly planner that does all the work for you.
> You just follow the steps and viola a sensational meal is ready in
> minutes. I have attached it here for you and anyone on the list to
> take and copy. Take a look I think its great. It provides a great
> example of what to do if you want to change up the recipes to. Its
> called Month of Menus!. About the blind and sighted thing.
> There is
> a Department of Blind Services in your state.
> http://www.dhs.wisconsin.gov/blind/ There are several links with
> information on Adjustment skills, Adaptive Equipment, Blindness
> Education, Rehabilitation Teaching Services, Resources and
> Information, etc. Take a look at the link above and call to get some
> assistance. It will make a huge difference. Also, I am happy to talk
> or email off list. Let me know if you'd like my info and if you'd like
> to chat off line. Good luck and God Bless.
> Life is challenging, but we are all here to help each other through it.
>
> Thanks,
> Mari Hunziker
>
> On Fri, Mar 15, 2013 at 8:07 PM, Ericka J. Short
> <ericka.short at att.net>wrote:
>
>> I know we usually talk about computers, or philosophy here, but I
>> think this is an important topic. I just wondered what kind of things
>> people have done to make their sighted spouse understand the
>> disability thing. The biggest part of things for us is that we have
>> horrible transit here in Kenosha and so it's difficult to
>> independently travel alone. My husband just doesn't know what to do
>> about this. I take rides with friends or people from church at times,
>> but some things I want to ride with my husband to together. He either
>> feels like he should be my only transportation or not at all. It's
>> driving me batty! Another really big issue is the fact I need things
>> organized (not necessarily good at that however) to be more
>> independent. If he's going to be all male and dump everything in
>> piles all over the house for me to trip over every once in a while,
>> then he can't get mad at me for a bill not getting paid, a lost check or
> his the credit card. Mine you there is no may to read a credit card
> number on a cctv.
>> I just can't do it. He seems to think he should "know" how to
>> handle it and dosent realize that some people have vision that
>> doesn't stay stable. Being a partial it is really difficult to
>> explain. Some days I can see better than others for example.
>>
>> I use my cane lots of the time outside the house and sometimes at
>> church.
>> Once I learn the set up of a place I don['t have to ask any more
>> questions usually than the average sighted person. I can't read print
>> or use a monocular for a lot of outside things or indoors either for
>> that matter. I do use strong reading glasses a lot. I am learning
>> braille but I"ve been a print user all l my life with minimal computer
>> skills and even less income Help! I feel like I'm in the twilight
>> zone of sight as it is and can see why he'd be frustrated. I am too!
>>
>> Ericka
>> _______________________________________________
>> blindtlk mailing list
>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> blindtlk:
>>
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/marihunziker%40g
>> mail.com
>>
>
>
>
> --
> *Have A Blessed Day!
> Mari Hunziker
> 512-670-9950 home
> 512-587-1463 cell
> *
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 2
> Date: Fri, 15 Mar 2013 01:22:37 -0400
> From: "justin williams" <justin.williams2 at gmail.com>
> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
> Message-ID: <007101ce213d$1bb45d90$531d18b0$@gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8"
>
> I don't understand why he would think he shouldn't be your
> transportation, or be the only transportation you have. Cuts down on
> flexibility.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
> Ericka J. Short
> Sent: Friday, March 15, 2013 9:08 PM
> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
>
> I know we usually talk about computers, or philosophy here, but I
> think this is an important topic. I just wondered what kind of things
> people have done to make their sighted spouse understand the
> disability thing. The biggest part of things for us is that we have
> horrible transit here in Kenosha and so it?s difficult to
> independently travel alone. My husband just doesn?t know what to do
> about this. I take rides with friends or people from church at times,
> but some things I want to ride with my husband to together. He either
> feels like he should be my only transportation or not at all. It?s
> driving me batty! Another really big issue is the fact I need things
> organized (not necessarily good at that however) to be more
> independent. If he?s going to be all male and dump everything in
> piles all over the house for me to trip over every once in a while,
> then he can?t get mad at me for a bill not getting paid, a lost check
> or his the credit card. Mine you there is no may to read a credit
> card number on a cctv. I just can?t do it. He seems to think he
> should ?know? how to handle it and dosent realize that some people
> have vision that doesn?t stay stable. Being a partial it is really
> difficult to explain. Some days I can see better than others for
> example.
>
> I use my cane lots of the time outside the house and sometimes at
> church. Once I learn the set up of a place I don[?t have to ask any
> more questions usually than the average sighted person. I can?t read
> print or use a monocular for a lot of outside things or indoors either
> for that matter. I do use strong reading glasses a lot. I am
> learning braille but I?ve been a print user all l my life with minimal
> computer skills and even less income Help! I feel like I?m in the
> twilight zone of sight as it is and can see why he?d be frustrated. I
> am too!
>
> Ericka
> _______________________________________________
> blindtlk mailing list
> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> blindtlk:
>
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/justin.williams2%40gma
il.com
>
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 3
> Date: Sat, 16 Mar 2013 08:30:47 -0500
> From: "Julie J." <julielj at neb.rr.com>
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
> Message-ID: <51447407.3080103 at neb.rr.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8; format=flowed
>
> Ericka,
>
> My husband is sighted. Before me he knew one other blind person and she
> had only been blind for a short time before he met me. So his firsthand
> experience with blindness was extremely limited. I think this actually
> turned out to be a good thing because he hadn't come to a lot of odd
> assumptions about what I could and couldn't do.
>
> We have been married for 8 years now. Anyway from the beginning I would
> just explain what would be helpful and what wouldn't as things came up
> in everyday life. When we went to a restaurant and he tried to steer me
> from behind pressing on my shoulders, what is affectionately called the
> wheelbarrow method, I asked him to please never do that again. I
> explained that I find it extremely disconcerting and awkward. Instead I
> asked that he give me verbal directions or offer his arm for me to
> take. I absolutely insist that whatever mobility method I use at any
> given moment, cane, guide dog, sighted guide or nothing, that it is
> always my choice.
>
> Our method for the mail and bills is this. Whomever comes home first
> grabs the mail out of the box. It goes on the end of the dining room
> table for sorting. My husband sorts through the mail, putting my
> letters in a pile on the designated corner of my desk where I have asked
> him to put them. I go through my mail myself using a CCTV. We have
> split up our household bills so that we are each responsible or specific
> bills. We have separate checking accounts.
>
> I too live in a small town. There is limited public transportation.
> There is a door to door van service, a town to town van service, one
> taxi and shuttles that will take you to nearby larger cities that the
> local vans don't go to. Mostly though, I walk. The cool thing about
> little towns is that they are small enough that you can walk to most
> everything. I can get to the bank, post office, courthouse, shopping,
> grocery stores, farmers market etc. I cannot walk to WalMart, the
> hospital and one school where I have periodic meetings. When I need a
> ride someplace I ask him. If he is able to take me he'll let me know.
> If he can't I ask someone else.
>
> I agree organization is important. Fortunately both my husband and
> myself are pretty organized. We do have our individual messy spaces
> though. His desk drives me nuts. It's piles and piles of papers
> everywhere. My craft supplies tend to be a bit wild too. However the
> common living spaces are kept neat and organized. It works for us.
>
> Could you have him read the credit card number to you so you could put
> it into a format that allows you independent access? Maybe write it in
> bold black marker, Braille or audio? Then you could use it to pay on
> line bills or internet shopping or whatever you needed.
>
> I agree with the suggestion to check out what services are available in
> your state. I think when you feel more comfortable and confident in
> yourself that it will ease your husband's mind.
>
> Julie
>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 4
> Date: Sat, 16 Mar 2013 09:30:59 -0500
> From: "Bryan Schulz" <b.schulz at sbcglobal.net>
> To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
> Message-ID: <6D0A92B241944E84A37FB1F045B9DD84 at HP8730notebook>
> Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="iso-8859-1";
> reply-type=response
>
> hi,
>
> if you are decent with your computer, you can use openbook even in
> demo mode
> if you can't afford it for 40 minutes then you have to restart it and you
> could scan your bill.
> Bryan Schulz
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Julie J." <julielj at neb.rr.com>
> To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Saturday, March 16, 2013 8:30 AM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
>
>
>> Ericka,
>>
>> My husband is sighted. Before me he knew one other blind person and she
>> had only been blind for a short time before he met me. So his firsthand
>> experience with blindness was extremely limited. I think this actually
>> turned out to be a good thing because he hadn't come to a lot of odd
>> assumptions about what I could and couldn't do.
>>
>> We have been married for 8 years now. Anyway from the beginning I would
>> just explain what would be helpful and what wouldn't as things came
>> up in
>> everyday life. When we went to a restaurant and he tried to steer me
>> from
>> behind pressing on my shoulders, what is affectionately called the
>> wheelbarrow method, I asked him to please never do that again. I
>> explained that I find it extremely disconcerting and awkward. Instead I
>> asked that he give me verbal directions or offer his arm for me to take.
>> I absolutely insist that whatever mobility method I use at any given
>> moment, cane, guide dog, sighted guide or nothing, that it is always my
>> choice.
>>
>> Our method for the mail and bills is this. Whomever comes home first
>> grabs the mail out of the box. It goes on the end of the dining room
>> table for sorting. My husband sorts through the mail, putting my
>> letters
>> in a pile on the designated corner of my desk where I have asked him to
>> put them. I go through my mail myself using a CCTV. We have split
>> up our
>> household bills so that we are each responsible or specific bills. We
>> have separate checking accounts.
>>
>> I too live in a small town. There is limited public transportation.
>> There is a door to door van service, a town to town van service, one
>> taxi
>> and shuttles that will take you to nearby larger cities that the local
>> vans don't go to. Mostly though, I walk. The cool thing about little
>> towns is that they are small enough that you can walk to most
>> everything.
>> I can get to the bank, post office, courthouse, shopping, grocery
>> stores,
>> farmers market etc. I cannot walk to WalMart, the hospital and one
>> school
>> where I have periodic meetings. When I need a ride someplace I ask him.
>> If he is able to take me he'll let me know. If he can't I ask someone
>> else.
>>
>> I agree organization is important. Fortunately both my husband and
>> myself
>> are pretty organized. We do have our individual messy spaces
>> though. His
>> desk drives me nuts. It's piles and piles of papers everywhere. My
>> craft supplies tend to be a bit wild too. However the common living
>> spaces are kept neat and organized. It works for us.
>>
>> Could you have him read the credit card number to you so you could
>> put it
>> into a format that allows you independent access? Maybe write it in
>> bold
>> black marker, Braille or audio? Then you could use it to pay on line
>> bills or internet shopping or whatever you needed.
>>
>> I agree with the suggestion to check out what services are available in
>> your state. I think when you feel more comfortable and confident in
>> yourself that it will ease your husband's mind.
>>
>> Julie
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> blindtlk mailing list
>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> blindtlk:
>>
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/b.schulz%40sbcglobal.n
et
>>
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Subject: Digest Footer
>
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>
> ------------------------------
>
> End of blindtlk Digest, Vol 81, Issue 19
> ****************************************
>
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