[Blindtlk] blindtlk Digest, Vol 81, Issue 19
Julie J.
julielj at neb.rr.com
Sat Mar 16 23:05:16 UTC 2013
Mike,
ROFLOL Yes, I'm sure if you asked my husband if there were things about
me that annoy him he'd have a list for you! *smile*
Julie
On 3/16/2013 5:20 PM, Mike Freeman wrote:
> Julie:
>
> A hearty amen to the issues being more those of a relationship rather than
> primarily blindness-related. If anything, blindness is only the catalyst
> that may bring other issues into the open. And they're not sex-based, that
> is, husbands can have problems with wives as well as vice versa.
>
> Mike Freeman
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Julie J.
> Sent: Saturday, March 16, 2013 2:41 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blindtlk Digest, Vol 81, Issue 19
>
> The town I live in is considerably smaller than where you live. There's
> less than 8,000 people here. I wouldn't say that we have a lot of
> transportation options. We have no bus system. The vans all require a
> couple of days minimum notice. The shuttles that connect you to other towns
> only run on certain days of the week or month. None of it is free. I used
> to live in a bigger city that had fixed route buses. It was nice to be able
> to decide to go somewhere last minute, jump on a bus and go. No, not the
> same convenience as a car, but quite a bit better than planning a week in
> advance.
>
> I think a lot of what you are experiencing with your husband isn't so much
> about blindness specifically, but is more about learning to live together.
> I think men need to be helped in understanding how to keep the house the way
> you want it. *smile* I know that sounds really bad.
> I mean it honestly though. You have to ask for what you want, remind
> frequently, express appreciation when he does it right and reinforce the
> behavior you want. It gets easier with time or you just get used to it.
> I'm not sure which. *smile*
>
> There are still things my husband does that drive me crazy. Some I've
> decided I can live with. Others I'm actively working to change. I don't
> see it so much as blindness issues though. It's just ordinary relationship
> issues.
>
> Julie
>
>
>
> On 3/16/2013 2:11 PM, Ericka J. Short wrote:
>> Some of the things that have been shared I already do. I am
>> well-connected with the state services but never asked for help
>> finding ways to solve his concerns. I never thought of it. I have
>> asked for passwords and the crdit number and he just hasn't gotten
>> around to it. I have a small notebook with it all in there. I did
>> write it in a sharpie which makes for easy reading. I don't hink he
>> realizes how the credit card isn't able to be read on the cctv. I
>> think as Julie mentioned, prior experience makes a difference. We
>> know many not so well adapted blind people and he things of them
>> when I say I have something I just cannot do alone. I've tried the
>> "mail at this spot on the table" approach but he doesn't remember.
>> There are many redeeming reasons I married him. I just wanted to say
>> that so you don't think I married our of desperation or something
>> nutty like that.
>> Julie, you are very lucky to have all the transit options in a small
>> town. I grew up in a town of 10,300 with only walking and one taxi as
>> the options unless I relied on parents or friends. I walked a lot
>> too. It was awesome! Since most of my sighted friends didn't have
>> cars in high school I didn't feel left out. Unfortunately I missed
>> out on some good O and M trainng I really needed when I moved as an
>> adult. Even my college town had the same transit options.
>> Wisconsin is really behind when it comes to transportation and our
>> Gov. is no help!
>>
>> This listserve is so wonderful! It stinks when you feel like you are
>> the only one in the pickle barrel!
>>
>> Ericka
>> -----Original Message----- From: blindtlk-request at nfbnet.org
>> Sent: Saturday, March 16, 2013 12:00 PM
>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> Subject: blindtlk Digest, Vol 81, Issue 19
>>
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>>
>>
>> Today's Topics:
>>
>> 1. Re: visually impaired married to a sighted (justin williams)
>> 2. Re: visually impaired married to a sighted (justin williams)
>> 3. Re: visually impaired married to a sighted (Julie J.)
>> 4. Re: visually impaired married to a sighted (Bryan Schulz)
>>
>>
>> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> Message: 1
>> Date: Fri, 15 Mar 2013 01:15:59 -0400
>> From: "justin williams"<justin.williams2 at gmail.com>
>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
>> Message-ID:<006f01ce213c$2edef0c0$8c9cd240$@gmail.com>
>> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
>>
>> Wow. I don't know how you do that. I have simply decided that I am
>> not living anywhere where there isn't a city that has at least desent
>> transportation around me. I am not downing what you did, but that is not
>> for me. I hope you can do a few things you like to do. I think you
>> really
>> persevered through that. Great job.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Mari
>> Hunziker
>> Sent: Friday, March 15, 2013 11:00 PM
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
>>
>> HI Ericka,
>>
>> I can totally relate. I am legally blind, low to high partical
>> depending on the day as well married to a sighted man. We have been
>> married for 15 and a half years and it has taken us a very long time
>> to figure it out. I'd even say we are still learning how to deal with
>> it each day. I too live in a small town in Texas with no
>> transportation. I must rely on neighbors, friends, church members or
>> my husband. He was in school fro the last 8 years
>> - gone from 7am till about 11pm. I had to find the courage to ask
>> someone for a ride. He just graduated in December and he is available
>> a little more to help drive me around to get errands done. I've
>> learned that I don't ever get to do what I want to do. Now that we
>> have kids their needs come first.
>> Grocery shopping, clothes, shoe, school supply shopping and then
>> anything else that needs to get done. I have learned to plan and that
>> actually took a while to develop since I am not a very organized
>> person when it comes to meal planning. But my friends from church
>> turned me onto a great monthly planner that does all the work for you.
>> You just follow the steps and viola a sensational meal is ready in
>> minutes. I have attached it here for you and anyone on the list to
>> take and copy. Take a look I think its great. It provides a great
>> example of what to do if you want to change up the recipes to. Its
>> called Month of Menus!. About the blind and sighted thing.
>> There is
>> a Department of Blind Services in your state.
>> http://www.dhs.wisconsin.gov/blind/ There are several links with
>> information on Adjustment skills, Adaptive Equipment, Blindness
>> Education, Rehabilitation Teaching Services, Resources and
>> Information, etc. Take a look at the link above and call to get some
>> assistance. It will make a huge difference. Also, I am happy to talk
>> or email off list. Let me know if you'd like my info and if you'd like
>> to chat off line. Good luck and God Bless.
>> Life is challenging, but we are all here to help each other through it.
>>
>> Thanks,
>> Mari Hunziker
>>
>> On Fri, Mar 15, 2013 at 8:07 PM, Ericka J. Short
>> <ericka.short at att.net>wrote:
>>
>>> I know we usually talk about computers, or philosophy here, but I
>>> think this is an important topic. I just wondered what kind of things
>>> people have done to make their sighted spouse understand the
>>> disability thing. The biggest part of things for us is that we have
>>> horrible transit here in Kenosha and so it's difficult to
>>> independently travel alone. My husband just doesn't know what to do
>>> about this. I take rides with friends or people from church at times,
>>> but some things I want to ride with my husband to together. He either
>>> feels like he should be my only transportation or not at all. It's
>>> driving me batty! Another really big issue is the fact I need things
>>> organized (not necessarily good at that however) to be more
>>> independent. If he's going to be all male and dump everything in
>>> piles all over the house for me to trip over every once in a while,
>>> then he can't get mad at me for a bill not getting paid, a lost check or
>> his the credit card. Mine you there is no may to read a credit card
>> number on a cctv.
>>> I just can't do it. He seems to think he should "know" how to
>>> handle it and dosent realize that some people have vision that
>>> doesn't stay stable. Being a partial it is really difficult to
>>> explain. Some days I can see better than others for example.
>>>
>>> I use my cane lots of the time outside the house and sometimes at
>>> church.
>>> Once I learn the set up of a place I don['t have to ask any more
>>> questions usually than the average sighted person. I can't read print
>>> or use a monocular for a lot of outside things or indoors either for
>>> that matter. I do use strong reading glasses a lot. I am learning
>>> braille but I"ve been a print user all l my life with minimal computer
>>> skills and even less income Help! I feel like I'm in the twilight
>>> zone of sight as it is and can see why he'd be frustrated. I am too!
>>>
>>> Ericka
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> blindtlk mailing list
>>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>> blindtlk:
>>>
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/marihunziker%40g
>>> mail.com
>>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> *Have A Blessed Day!
>> Mari Hunziker
>> 512-670-9950 home
>> 512-587-1463 cell
>> *
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> ------------------------------
>>
>> Message: 2
>> Date: Fri, 15 Mar 2013 01:22:37 -0400
>> From: "justin williams"<justin.williams2 at gmail.com>
>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
>> Message-ID:<007101ce213d$1bb45d90$531d18b0$@gmail.com>
>> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8"
>>
>> I don't understand why he would think he shouldn't be your
>> transportation, or be the only transportation you have. Cuts down on
>> flexibility.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
>> Ericka J. Short
>> Sent: Friday, March 15, 2013 9:08 PM
>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> Subject: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
>>
>> I know we usually talk about computers, or philosophy here, but I
>> think this is an important topic. I just wondered what kind of things
>> people have done to make their sighted spouse understand the
>> disability thing. The biggest part of things for us is that we have
>> horrible transit here in Kenosha and so it?s difficult to
>> independently travel alone. My husband just doesn?t know what to do
>> about this. I take rides with friends or people from church at times,
>> but some things I want to ride with my husband to together. He either
>> feels like he should be my only transportation or not at all. It?s
>> driving me batty! Another really big issue is the fact I need things
>> organized (not necessarily good at that however) to be more
>> independent. If he?s going to be all male and dump everything in
>> piles all over the house for me to trip over every once in a while,
>> then he can?t get mad at me for a bill not getting paid, a lost check
>> or his the credit card. Mine you there is no may to read a credit
>> card number on a cctv. I just can?t do it. He seems to think he
>> should ?know? how to handle it and dosent realize that some people
>> have vision that doesn?t stay stable. Being a partial it is really
>> difficult to explain. Some days I can see better than others for
>> example.
>>
>> I use my cane lots of the time outside the house and sometimes at
>> church. Once I learn the set up of a place I don[?t have to ask any
>> more questions usually than the average sighted person. I can?t read
>> print or use a monocular for a lot of outside things or indoors either
>> for that matter. I do use strong reading glasses a lot. I am
>> learning braille but I?ve been a print user all l my life with minimal
>> computer skills and even less income Help! I feel like I?m in the
>> twilight zone of sight as it is and can see why he?d be frustrated. I
>> am too!
>>
>> Ericka
>> _______________________________________________
>> blindtlk mailing list
>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> blindtlk:
>>
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/justin.williams2%40gma
> il.com
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> ------------------------------
>>
>> Message: 3
>> Date: Sat, 16 Mar 2013 08:30:47 -0500
>> From: "Julie J."<julielj at neb.rr.com>
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List<blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
>> Message-ID:<51447407.3080103 at neb.rr.com>
>> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8; format=flowed
>>
>> Ericka,
>>
>> My husband is sighted. Before me he knew one other blind person and she
>> had only been blind for a short time before he met me. So his firsthand
>> experience with blindness was extremely limited. I think this actually
>> turned out to be a good thing because he hadn't come to a lot of odd
>> assumptions about what I could and couldn't do.
>>
>> We have been married for 8 years now. Anyway from the beginning I would
>> just explain what would be helpful and what wouldn't as things came up
>> in everyday life. When we went to a restaurant and he tried to steer me
>> from behind pressing on my shoulders, what is affectionately called the
>> wheelbarrow method, I asked him to please never do that again. I
>> explained that I find it extremely disconcerting and awkward. Instead I
>> asked that he give me verbal directions or offer his arm for me to
>> take. I absolutely insist that whatever mobility method I use at any
>> given moment, cane, guide dog, sighted guide or nothing, that it is
>> always my choice.
>>
>> Our method for the mail and bills is this. Whomever comes home first
>> grabs the mail out of the box. It goes on the end of the dining room
>> table for sorting. My husband sorts through the mail, putting my
>> letters in a pile on the designated corner of my desk where I have asked
>> him to put them. I go through my mail myself using a CCTV. We have
>> split up our household bills so that we are each responsible or specific
>> bills. We have separate checking accounts.
>>
>> I too live in a small town. There is limited public transportation.
>> There is a door to door van service, a town to town van service, one
>> taxi and shuttles that will take you to nearby larger cities that the
>> local vans don't go to. Mostly though, I walk. The cool thing about
>> little towns is that they are small enough that you can walk to most
>> everything. I can get to the bank, post office, courthouse, shopping,
>> grocery stores, farmers market etc. I cannot walk to WalMart, the
>> hospital and one school where I have periodic meetings. When I need a
>> ride someplace I ask him. If he is able to take me he'll let me know.
>> If he can't I ask someone else.
>>
>> I agree organization is important. Fortunately both my husband and
>> myself are pretty organized. We do have our individual messy spaces
>> though. His desk drives me nuts. It's piles and piles of papers
>> everywhere. My craft supplies tend to be a bit wild too. However the
>> common living spaces are kept neat and organized. It works for us.
>>
>> Could you have him read the credit card number to you so you could put
>> it into a format that allows you independent access? Maybe write it in
>> bold black marker, Braille or audio? Then you could use it to pay on
>> line bills or internet shopping or whatever you needed.
>>
>> I agree with the suggestion to check out what services are available in
>> your state. I think when you feel more comfortable and confident in
>> yourself that it will ease your husband's mind.
>>
>> Julie
>>
>>
>>
>> ------------------------------
>>
>> Message: 4
>> Date: Sat, 16 Mar 2013 09:30:59 -0500
>> From: "Bryan Schulz"<b.schulz at sbcglobal.net>
>> To: "Blind Talk Mailing List"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
>> Message-ID:<6D0A92B241944E84A37FB1F045B9DD84 at HP8730notebook>
>> Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="iso-8859-1";
>> reply-type=response
>>
>> hi,
>>
>> if you are decent with your computer, you can use openbook even in
>> demo mode
>> if you can't afford it for 40 minutes then you have to restart it and you
>> could scan your bill.
>> Bryan Schulz
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Julie J."<julielj at neb.rr.com>
>> To: "Blind Talk Mailing List"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Saturday, March 16, 2013 8:30 AM
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted
>>
>>
>>> Ericka,
>>>
>>> My husband is sighted. Before me he knew one other blind person and she
>>> had only been blind for a short time before he met me. So his firsthand
>>> experience with blindness was extremely limited. I think this actually
>>> turned out to be a good thing because he hadn't come to a lot of odd
>>> assumptions about what I could and couldn't do.
>>>
>>> We have been married for 8 years now. Anyway from the beginning I would
>>> just explain what would be helpful and what wouldn't as things came
>>> up in
>>> everyday life. When we went to a restaurant and he tried to steer me
>>> from
>>> behind pressing on my shoulders, what is affectionately called the
>>> wheelbarrow method, I asked him to please never do that again. I
>>> explained that I find it extremely disconcerting and awkward. Instead I
>>> asked that he give me verbal directions or offer his arm for me to take.
>>> I absolutely insist that whatever mobility method I use at any given
>>> moment, cane, guide dog, sighted guide or nothing, that it is always my
>>> choice.
>>>
>>> Our method for the mail and bills is this. Whomever comes home first
>>> grabs the mail out of the box. It goes on the end of the dining room
>>> table for sorting. My husband sorts through the mail, putting my
>>> letters
>>> in a pile on the designated corner of my desk where I have asked him to
>>> put them. I go through my mail myself using a CCTV. We have split
>>> up our
>>> household bills so that we are each responsible or specific bills. We
>>> have separate checking accounts.
>>>
>>> I too live in a small town. There is limited public transportation.
>>> There is a door to door van service, a town to town van service, one
>>> taxi
>>> and shuttles that will take you to nearby larger cities that the local
>>> vans don't go to. Mostly though, I walk. The cool thing about little
>>> towns is that they are small enough that you can walk to most
>>> everything.
>>> I can get to the bank, post office, courthouse, shopping, grocery
>>> stores,
>>> farmers market etc. I cannot walk to WalMart, the hospital and one
>>> school
>>> where I have periodic meetings. When I need a ride someplace I ask him.
>>> If he is able to take me he'll let me know. If he can't I ask someone
>>> else.
>>>
>>> I agree organization is important. Fortunately both my husband and
>>> myself
>>> are pretty organized. We do have our individual messy spaces
>>> though. His
>>> desk drives me nuts. It's piles and piles of papers everywhere. My
>>> craft supplies tend to be a bit wild too. However the common living
>>> spaces are kept neat and organized. It works for us.
>>>
>>> Could you have him read the credit card number to you so you could
>>> put it
>>> into a format that allows you independent access? Maybe write it in
>>> bold
>>> black marker, Braille or audio? Then you could use it to pay on line
>>> bills or internet shopping or whatever you needed.
>>>
>>> I agree with the suggestion to check out what services are available in
>>> your state. I think when you feel more comfortable and confident in
>>> yourself that it will ease your husband's mind.
>>>
>>> Julie
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> blindtlk mailing list
>>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>> blindtlk:
>>>
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/b.schulz%40sbcglobal.n
> et
>>
>>
>>
>> ------------------------------
>>
>> Subject: Digest Footer
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> blindtlk mailing list
>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>>
>>
>> ------------------------------
>>
>> End of blindtlk Digest, Vol 81, Issue 19
>> ****************************************
>>
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>
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