[Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted

[Kendra Schaber]

I don't have a spouce but I can still answer your question because I have a 
boyfriend who is sited but has three quorters of his left hand missing 
because of an accedent with a firework. Fortunently for me, I don't have a 
lot of problems with getting him to understand it. Sure, no sited person 
will compleetly understand what it's like being blind simply because they 
have not experienced themselves. Fortunently for me, my boyfriend is very 
supportive! He wants me to be as independent as possable. In fact, he wants 
the best for me! Unfortunently, we don't currently live together. When we do 
get together, he drives me to any place that we want to visit. Since the 
public bus doesn't run on the weekends, he often drives me and sometimes my 
friends to different places. Before we met, I rerly left my apartment on the 
weekends. Now days, I go out more on the weekends because of him and his 
car. He knows that public transportation is very important to me. Once, one 
of my blind friends helped out another friend go to her apartment in route 
to where my other friends and I were gathering at the time. She wasn't 
confortable with taking the bus home. The one who chose to help her chose to 
take the bus instead of my boyfriend's car just to help out that friend. My 
boyfriend didn't mind my friend doing that even though he didn't mind giving 
her a ride. My boyfriend has a demonstration of JAWS on his computer so that 
if I need to use it while I'm at his place, I don't have to use his eyeballs 
to use it. Heck, he has never minded letting me go onto dancefloors in night 
clubs whether or not he was dancing with me. My boyfriend also has a blind 
neighbor. He knew a few other blind ladies several years ago but wound up 
losing contact with them. My boyfriend has always believed that blind people 
can live life just like sited people. His biggest learning curve that I've 
had with him is actually the best ways to tell blind people directions. He 
had to learn that blind people don't know where over there is for example. 
When we are walking together, I often hold his hand while using my cane in 
the other. He has never had a problem with that. In fact, he has often said 
that he'll be my eyes and I'll be his left hand. Whenever I told him that 
I'd appriciate it if he for example, told me that we were close to another 
car in the parking lot, he respected my wishes. In fact, he still respects 
my wishes. He knows not to move my stuff without letting me know where it 
was moved to. If he doesn't tell me it's new location, he shows me where 
it's located. Even before my boyfriend ever lost his left hand, he has 
always respected people with disabilities. In my book, if the person that 
you love cares for you, they will go out of their way to respect your 
wishes. The trick is to tell them by using examples of what it's like if 
they, meaning the sited person had it happen to them. For example, I said 
that using over there when giving directions is like telling me to visit the 
Wallimette River without telling me which dock to meet him. I think that in 
your case, telling your spouce not to move your mail will be like you moving 
their most important timesheets that they might use for work without telling 
them where it is and hiding it in the closet that was full of junk that did 
not allow them to easily find it in time to hand it in on time, let alone 
fill it out before handing it into their boss. Let's do a senario where you 
were sited and he was blind. Ask your husband, how would he feel if you were 
the one who left piles of stuff around the house for him to trip over? Also 
ask him how would he feel if he paid the bills with the mail but he was 
always late because you made it impossable for him to find the bill to pay 
in the first place? As for transportation, telling your spouce that you 
can't get anywhere by yourself without either a car with a driver or public 
transportation is just like he would be if he didn't have a car of his own. 
Here is another senario where you are sited and he was blind. Ask your 
husband, if he was blind and you were sited, wouldn't he want to ride with 
you from time to time? How would he feel if he was blind and you were sited 
and you were not willing to transport your husband in less it was you or no 
transportation at all? Wouldn't he want to be able to travel with you from 
time to time and with friends and family at other times? You will want to 
use the examples that I've layed out because it will hopefully help improve 
your relationship. I hope this was helpful!!!
Kendra
 ----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Ericka J. Short" <ericka.short at att.net>
To: <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, March 15, 2013 6:07 PM
Subject: [Blindtlk] visually impaired married to a sighted


>I know we usually talk about computers, or philosophy here, but I think 
>this is an important topic. I just wondered what kind of things people have 
>done to make their sighted spouse understand the disability thing.  The 
>biggest part of things for us is that we have horrible transit here in 
>Kenosha and  so it’s difficult to independently travel alone.  My husband 
>just doesn’t know what to  do about this. I take rides with  friends or 
>people from church at times, but some things I want to ride with my husband 
>to together.  He either feels like he should be my only transportation  or 
>not at all.  It’s driving me batty!  Another really big issue is the fact I 
>need things organized (not necessarily good at that however) to be more 
>independent.  If he’s going to be all male and dump everything in  piles 
>all over the house for me to trip over every once in a while, then he can’t 
>get mad at me for a bill not getting paid, a lost check or his the credit 
>card.  Mine you there is no may to read a  credit card  number on a cctv. 
>I just can’t do it.  He seems to think he  should “know” how to  handle it 
>and  dosent realize that  some people have vision that  doesn’t stay 
>stable.  Being a partial it is really difficult to explain.  Some days I 
>can see better than others for example.
>
> I use my cane lots of the time outside the house and sometimes at church. 
> Once I learn the set up of a place I don[‘t have to ask any more questions 
> usually than the average sighted person.  I can’t read print or use a 
> monocular for a lot of outside things or indoors either for that matter. 
> I do use strong reading  glasses a lot.  I am learning braille but I”ve 
> been a print user all l my life with minimal computer skills and even less 
> income  Help!  I feel like I’m in the twilight zone of sight as it is and 
> can see why he’d be frustrated.  I am too!
>
> Ericka
> _______________________________________________
> blindtlk mailing list
> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
> blindtlk:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/baltimore777%40comcast.net
>