[Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness

Mon Sep 9 10:50:31 UTC 2013

It has been a while since I've been single, so I didn't feel I should respond to this, but the post below kind of gets at the response I considered writing 
sooner so here goes.

In virtually any issue, whether it is dealing with blindness or any number of issues, there are always too separate factors, how things are and what do you 
do about it.  We're getting confused here about whether we're discussing how things are or what does one do about it.  The whole reason we are 
organized is because people often don't have faith in us as parents or even as partners, not to mention employment.  If this was not the case, there 
wouldn't be much for us to be doing.  Of course blindness gets in the way of relationships at times.  Of course it is possible that someone you would like to 
get to know better might reject you because you are blind.  Of course there are issues that can make finding that right person more difficult.  We're dealing 
with a cross section of society.  Why debate that.  I don't personally think Mike was denying any of this.  The question is what does one do about it.

The fact is that many blind people do find sighted partners.  The best way to be sure one does not find the partner they are looking for is to give up.  your 
chances drop to zero.  One should also be sure they are not playing the same game that they accuse sighted people of playing rejecting without 
consideration blind partners who might well be a perfect match.  Why not keep all options open.  Sighted people have some advantages in finding 
partners, but the singles' scene isn't all that simple for them either.  One has to think in terms of maximizing their chances which is going to be different for 
each situation and even each community.  It is even pretty hard for us to give specific advice without knowing what sort of image one is putting forth, 
what one's strengths are, and perhaps which areas one might have weaknesses.  We all have strengths and weaknesses that we have to deal with.  
There are simply no easy answers, but giving up is not an answer at all.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Sun, 8 Sep 2013 16:27:01 -0400, Michelle Medina wrote:

>Mike,
>Your saying it's irelevant, and that was your experience. As Justin
>said, awesome! More power to ya! However, most of us, myself included,
>haven't had that experience.
>Example: Not with dating, but with my Baby Nece Kaylynne.
>A little over a month ago when she wasn't yet 1 month of age, my
>sister realized she'd have to find a job. Luckily, she found one.
>However, her partner's father asked her who would help care for
>Kaylynne while she worked. She said, Michelle will. This guy
>immediately jumps up and says: "I have a real problem with that!"
>Worse, because his son, my sister's partner, doesn't have the, uh,
>male equipment, to stand up to his father and tell him to shove it,
>says that he is "concerned" to. . . My mother, sister and grandmother
>ragged on the guy until he and his wife left, leaving my sister's
>partner miffed and everyone else boiling because they've all known me
>since I was born.
>I knew when Kaylynne was born that my sister was cool with me caring
>for her, even then, however, I also found myself working a million
>times harder than alot of other people would have to "get things
>"right"", to be "perfect" and "never make a mistake" with Kaylynne,
>for fear of having him try to convince my sister that I wasn't fit to
>care for her.
>When I change her diapers, give her a bottle or even play with her,
>I'm always checking and rechecking to make sure I've done everything
>"right", to make sure she won't fall or hit her head, or ANYTHING.
>That can be switched into dating to, and that's even after we all
>realize we aren't perfect, myself included, no matter how hard I try
>to prove to the contrary.

>On 9/8/13, Mike Freeman <k7uij at panix.com> wrote:
>> All:
>> I met my wife online. It was not a Christian dating service. She is sighted.
>> IMHO the vision or lack thereof of one's date is irrelevant.
>> Mike freeman
>>
>> On Sep 8, 2013, at 12:35, "justin williams" <justin.williams2 at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> I'm just lightening up the thread a little.  But seriously, our not
>>> getting
>>> as many opportunities is not our falt, buut the folt of those individuals
>>> who do not accept us.  However, since we are the ones who will not have a
>>> date on Friday night, it falls to us to give ourselves a better chance.
>>> That's why I really believe that using an interest group or something to
>>> bridge the gap makes it easier.  I say to try online only because
>>> everyone
>>> is looking for the same thing, and there is an abundance of singles.  I
>>> didn't have much luck, but it should still be an option.  Most of us have
>>> experienced rejection solely because the other person wouldn't give us a
>>> chance, or was talked out of it by their friends and family.  If it has
>>> never happed tto you, then I am happy for your success and wouldn't wish
>>> for
>>> you to experience what I and most of the others who have posted on this
>>> thread have. While you are waiting for her, do some work on yourself
>>> through
>>> reading and personal development.  That is a bigg help, because when you
>>> get
>>> your shot, you have to be spot on.  The way we do things for us is
>>> natural,
>>> but for folks who are sighted, it is something they can't imagine.  Try
>>> reading books on love and relationships; that will give you an edge that
>>> the
>>> average person won't have.
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Mark
>>> Tardif
>>> Sent: Sunday, September 08, 2013 3:18 PM
>>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness
>>>
>>> For several reasons, yes.  First, we are blind, (bad joke but pretend it
>>> isn't) and, in fact, that can be an integral part of getting to know that
>>> other person, especially if it is just the two of you and it is your
>>> first
>>> date together.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Mark Tardif
>>> Nuclear arms will not hold you.
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: justin williams
>>> Sent: Sunday, September 08, 2013 9:55 AM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness
>>>
>>> Isn't any date we go on a blind date?
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Julie J.
>>> Sent: Sunday, September 08, 2013 9:04 AM
>>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness
>>>
>>> There's been a lot of really good advice already.  I just wanted to add
>>> in
>>> one more possibility for you.
>>>
>>> I met my current husband on a blind date.  Yes, I hear you all laughing,
>>> but
>>> it's true!  A good friend of mine was convinced that I should meet this
>>> guy.
>>>
>>> I was resistant.  I wasn't too interested in dating at the time but she
>>> was
>>> very persistent that I meet him.  In the end she invited me to go out for
>>> the evening with her, once I agreed, she casually mentioned that he was
>>> coming too.   Not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, I decided to go
>>> along
>>> and just have fun.  That was 11 years ago now.
>>>
>>> Have you mentioned to your friends/family that you are interested in
>>> dating?
>>>
>>> Perhaps someone knows someone who is also looking for a partner and would
>>> be
>>> willing to introduce you.  The first date could be with both couples,
>>> which
>>> I think takes some of the stress off.  With four people someone always
>>> has
>>> something to say, so I never felt those awkward pauses in the
>>> conversation.
>>>
>>> Does your church have a singles group? or a college group?  Those might
>>> also
>>> be places to meet people.
>>>
>>> I guess my point is that you don't have to go it alone.  there are people
>>> who would be happy to help you meet people or point you in a direction.
>>> Be
>>>
>>> clear with what you want and don't be afraid to let others know.
>>>
>>> Julie
>>>
>>>
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>>
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