[Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

[Judy Jones]

So true.  This seems to be more about parents and their relationships with 
their adult children.

I'm about to mention incidents with sighted children and parents.

We actually know a couple here in the area, three wonderful sons.  The 
middle one finally got married this past summer, and has left the nest.  But 
the other two range from mid-twenties to mid-thirties.  For whatever reason, 
they manage seemingly to stay under their parents' thumb.  Both are still 
living at home, although would like to get out and have a place of their 
own.  Both are working.  Money is not a problem for the parents, but they 
have burdened the nice loving guys with their care and responsibilities, and 
trying to run their lives.

The parents themselves are, believe it or not, nice to be around and relate 
to.  It's just the relationship with their sons that is so different.  The 
guys are very hesitant to strike out on their own.  When the middle one got 
married, there were all kinds of reprocussions with the parents, but 
fortunately, he and his wife are living in another town.

The most bizarre parent/adult child relationship I've ever heard of was in 
listening to a Focus On The Family broadcast several years ago.  The topic 
of that particular show happened to be relationships.  And an extreme letter 
was read over the air, with permission, by an adult child who lived at home 
with his parents.  He stated that his parents would still spank him when 
they saw any difference of opinion as rebellion.  Very bizarre.

Judy

-----Original Message----- 
From: Gary Wunder via blindtlk
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2014 9:47 AM
To: 'Brandon A. Olivares' ; 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

Hello, Brandon. I am fifty-nine years old, and though I know that my parents
respect me very much, I still don't have the same kind of relationship with
them that I do with friends and other family members. They are parents. They
are used to caretaking. They are absolutely certain I need their advice. It
doesn't matter whether the advice has to do with a cobweb they think I don't
know about or how my grandson buys too much at the store and how they helped
me by putting some of the things from the shopping basket back on the shelf.

I notice that I am speaking of my parents as they, although my mother died
about six years ago. When she came to my house it was not uncommon for her
to walk around with a paper towel grabbing up dog hair. It didn't even
matter that my father laughed at her for doing it. She was going to be
helpful.

I don't know how we do it, but I think many of us figure out that
relationships with parents are never going to be relationships among equals.
My father believes that I can write far better than he can. He thinks that I
have people skills that are better than his. But he still thinks I am naïve
when it comes to matters of race, gender, politics, how to spend money, how
to discipline children, and what is involved in having a marriage where the
man is the man and the woman is the woman. Most certainly I tolerate
comments and behavior from my father that I would not tolerate from anyone
else. There are things that I let go by without arguing that I would go to
the mat with others about.

None of this deals with your question about the house except to say that
perhaps the most kind, loving, and helpful parents can at times be high
maintenance. I remember what I regard as a particularly funny line from a
situation comedy that I saw almost 40 years ago. A young woman tells a
friend that she is afraid to go home and spend the night with her parents
because her mom is such a caretaker that the main character is afraid that
she would wake up in the morning to find herself in diapers. This is
obviously an exaggerated situation comedy that has nothing to do with
blindness but everything to do with parents finding it hard to regard their
offspring as truly independent adults.

Warmly,

Gary



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